vulturine

Hey dudes,

Just got of prison on bail. I basically did the same thing to my boyfriend as I did 2 years ago to get arrested, so I'm under house arrest for a while until the court decides what to do with me. So my charges are: assault with a weapon, assaulting a peace officer and resisting arrest. Pretty dumb, but I knew this would happen eventually if I moved back home. My boyfriend didn't know they were going to press charges because I got off on assault charges at least 3 times in the past. I know I have a rage issue, but kind of ignored it because I'm usually in a good mood.

My court date to determine my actual trial date is today. Everyone's okay, but my boyfriend needed to get stitches. He tried to get the charges dropped but I guess he didn't know that the crown takes over cases in Canada and he isn't allowed to testify for the defense due to conflicts of interest. The defense attorney was able to have my case moved to mental health court, but that could have some severe complications for me long-term because your sentence is basically indefinite if you're convicted under mental health court. I know a guy who has been in mental health rehab for assault with a weapon for 7 years with months left until he is released, so yeah.

Anyway, screwed up my life again. I'm hoping they'll let me do school during my sentence because I got accepted to the program I wanted. First offense technically, but the crown attorney used my previous arrests as evidence and the judge accepted them even though I didn't get a chance to stand trial for any of that stuff.

Prison sucks. They stuck me in max security because of the nature of my charges. Really don't want to go back there with the psychos. Miss my boyfriend, but I'm not allowed to communicate with him or I go back to prison. :'(

ScottFromWI

Sorry to hear that. Do you think you might try to do something about it and get some help this time?

Lostintime1984

Sounds like you have learned a tough lesson. I'm not great with words but I hope things get better for you. You sound sincere about your mistake you made. Will have my fingers crossed that things turn out better than expected.

Dee74

I'm really sorry all that happened. I really hope you decide that this is your bottom and that you turn things around from here.

It's a lot of hard work - but so is self-destruction...

I'd rather build and grow than destroy

D

vulturine

I knew before I moved home that I may be incarcerated for the same stuff I got kicked out for because that's just how I react. I didn't expect for this to happen a few weeks in though. I expressed these concerns to my boyfriend before I agreed to come home and we made a plan that he'd come with me to therapy and provide space when required, but obviously that didn't work. My mom even told him he needs to back off and let me cool down when I'm angry and that I'd probably be okay in a few hours. The thing is, every time I've reacted violently it was because I was trying to get away from a situation where I was feeling desperate but he or someone else wouldn't let me leave. So then it's fight or flight, and if I can't leave, then I'll fight. He begged me on his knees in tears to come home. Now I have at least a couple years to think about why that was a bad idea and I guess I won't be seeing him again any time soon. :'( Apparently he feels really bad about what happened because we all kind of knew it would.

I don't know what this is, BPD or PTSD or what. I got assaulted in 2010 where I thought this guy from work was actually going to take my life. I had a concussion and had passed out several times from asphyxiation but I fought him and got away. When I got home, my mom phoned the police because I was pretty badly beaten. Then my attitude became like, I don't care if I go to prison as long as I'm alive, but fight or flight just completely takes over rational thought now. Is that relevant to my case? I never really addressed it after 2010 except when asking for anti-anxiety meds from my doctor so I could return to work without losing my ****.

PurpleKnight

Very sorry to hear what has happened!!

Whatever help you need I would get it and turn things around, what is there to loose? when we seem to be on a never ending cycle and the chapters of the book seem to be writing themselves on repeat, nothing to change if nothing changes.

It can though definitly be done!!

Melissa1217

I will automatically dissociate and go into blind fight or flight.

it's PTSD. If you haven't correctly processed trauma events, you brain just goes into self defense mode.

Anna

I'm sorry Vulturine, but as you said, you knew it would happen, and it did.

Maybe it's time to get the help you need from the 2010 incident. It sounds like some serious therapy might be helpful in dealing with the rage issues you talk about. I hope you find something that will bring peace to your life.

Mattq2

I really don't have much experience with something like this. I felt compelled to say I hope you get through this. I really hope you get through this.

Algorithm

It may or may not be relevant legally, which is what actually counts, but it's up to your attorney to evaluate that. You should make sure that he is aware of this, in case he can use it in your favor.

Either way, vulturine, you will have to deal with this trauma now, if you want to come out of this cycle. The world generally retaliates against anti-social behavior, unfortunately, and we must find a way to adapt.

If you don't know how to solve this, then make use of professional help. Easier for some than for others, I know, but the alternative is simply more suffering. It's better not to suffer, no?

Jojay

Sounds like you are indeed suffering with PTSD.For you this dibilitating condition manifests when you feel threatened as a result of the truama you described,which happened to you 7 yrs ago.My personal experience with PTSD was association of a truamatic life changing event with a person I held responsible,as indeed they were.The original episode that harmed me,not physicaly I must add,went back many years.2years back I finaly had councelling via my Church.I had never reacted in the ways you described but boy,had to remove MYSELF when I encountered the actual person who was my tormentor.But not now or ever again.Prayers to you.

hellrzr

This sounds like something beyond run of the mill Alcoholic thinking. From what you typed, you seem to have had this interaction already planned out and per-meditated with at least some intent to hurt someone. Hopefully you will get sent somewhere where you will get some help and prevent a future incident where the person may not be able to get fixed up with some stitches.

january161992

dont know if this helps but ive been in trouble while in recovery also ...

1 year sober - thrown in a locked psych ward
9 years sober - arrested for road rage
19 years sober - mandated anger management classes by my employer

i aint no saint !!!

God bless

Delilah1

Hi Vulturine,

I'm sorry this happened, is it possible for you to get counseling, or even look into some sort if inpatient treatment for your mental health issues while you are awaiting trial? It may help you to start dealing with your anger, and underlying issues from 2010, and also show the court you are serious about getting help.

hellrzr

I may be way off base here, but these sound like the actions of someone who isn't following a program of recovery and still hasn't learned a good way to deal with life on life's terms. On the flip side, 19 years sober, no matter how you got there, is awesome!

Jojay

True words of wisdom there,Hellrzr.

HelenofTroy

There is an expression about not being able to control what others do, you can only control your own reaction. Therefore there is hope that with the appropriate help you will be able to come up with better reactions that don't get you incarcerated or destroy relationships.

To be honest this sounds like a textbook abusive relationship. There is good reason why in our country at least the crown takes over in intimate partner abuse cases. I realize you are not happy with this being moved to mental health court, however I hope you are able to take a step back and take advantage of any help that is mandated through this procedure rather than just checking the boxes. That way you are more likely to have healthy satisfying relationships in the future. Allow yourself that.

Delilah1

Hope you are doing a little better Vulturine.

Outonthetiles

No, but a defense based on some form of diminished capacity or voluntary intoxication may be available, depending on your jurisdiction. PTSD or bipolarism may be more relevant for sentencing, however.

Steely

Definitely sounds like PTSD to me. I've got it too from trauma, drinking only made it worse. I didn't batter others, I battered myself to death, but lashed with my tongue like a fiend.

I understand where your rage would be coming from, I still have visions of wearing my track shoes and trampling over their faces with the spikes. One became a cop.

I think PTSD would help your case, so if you haven't been diagnosed *officially*, that would be a first step, and could lead to further help from someone fully trained as a woman and as a therapist.

You signature says it all.

Land ho!