Looking for advice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 2
Looking for advice
Hello, I am a mid twenties male attending college. Today marks 90 days sober from alcohol. My life has already changed dramatically for the better and things are starting to go better. However, I am now realizing the second stage of recovery as I am starting to level out. I am taking vivitrol which helps a lot.
I am currently finding it difficult to communicate with people close to me. I do not like being in the presence of my family. I feel strange around them as they have seen me at my worst. I am embarrassed, ashamed. It is straining my relationships with family. Have any advice?
Thanks
I am currently finding it difficult to communicate with people close to me. I do not like being in the presence of my family. I feel strange around them as they have seen me at my worst. I am embarrassed, ashamed. It is straining my relationships with family. Have any advice?
Thanks
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,518
Welcome and congratulations on 3 months of recovery!
I think it's normal to find that things are different in recovery and that includes family and other relationships. First of all, I encourage you to release the shame and guilt you feel. It will tend to keep you bound to alcohol. Try to remember that alcoholism is not a character defect. You are human. You made mistakes and you are doing everything you can to change your life.
When I began recovery, I was not the person I thought I was. I was different in ways that surprised me. I learned that I frequently needed time alone, as well as time spent with family and close friends. I no longer enjoyed spending time with people that I did not love, so I changed that about my life. Above all, be kind to yourself and follow your heart in dealing with this changing time of your life.
I think it's normal to find that things are different in recovery and that includes family and other relationships. First of all, I encourage you to release the shame and guilt you feel. It will tend to keep you bound to alcohol. Try to remember that alcoholism is not a character defect. You are human. You made mistakes and you are doing everything you can to change your life.
When I began recovery, I was not the person I thought I was. I was different in ways that surprised me. I learned that I frequently needed time alone, as well as time spent with family and close friends. I no longer enjoyed spending time with people that I did not love, so I changed that about my life. Above all, be kind to yourself and follow your heart in dealing with this changing time of your life.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,787
Welcome to the family and congrats on 90 days sober! 
It's normal to feel a bit strained for a while. I was deeply ashamed of my behavior and had a hard time facing my kids (teens) after I first got sober.
I had to work on learning to forgive myself and accept myself for who I was and not let the past drag me down.
One thing I did, starting at about 3 months sober, was to make a gratitude list every day. Each day find at least one thing/person/event to be grateful for. And commit random acts of kindness every chance you get.
Those two things helped me feel at peace with myself.
I hope our support can help you achieve your goals and feel more comfortable in your own skin.
It's normal to feel a bit strained for a while. I was deeply ashamed of my behavior and had a hard time facing my kids (teens) after I first got sober.I had to work on learning to forgive myself and accept myself for who I was and not let the past drag me down.
One thing I did, starting at about 3 months sober, was to make a gratitude list every day. Each day find at least one thing/person/event to be grateful for. And commit random acts of kindness every chance you get.
Those two things helped me feel at peace with myself.
I hope our support can help you achieve your goals and feel more comfortable in your own skin.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Souris, PEI
Posts: 50
Yes I went through this as well. It took years with some family members to feel normal again. I think the post that mentioned being open and honest about how you feel is good advice and don't put to much pressure on yourself. I was just watching a documentary on vivtrol you find it works well ? it has a good success rate with opiate addiction as well , quite interesting
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Working the steps of AA with a sponsor was my solution . I put away once and for all the shame and guilt. I fixed what I could, tried to fix what I couldn't, and learned how deal with a past I regret
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
I had to relearn how to relate to people sober - even those closest to me.
It's a learning curve but luckily I think it's a skill we acquire pretty quickly...after 90 days of pretty much hit and miss things got a lot better for me from that point...I hope they will for you too shadynastys
It's great to have you join us - welcome and congrats on your sober time
D
It's a learning curve but luckily I think it's a skill we acquire pretty quickly...after 90 days of pretty much hit and miss things got a lot better for me from that point...I hope they will for you too shadynastys
It's great to have you join us - welcome and congrats on your sober time
D
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
You're not that person anymore, and you have to let him go. It will take other people some time to adjust to your new ways, as they get a chance to observe them. The difference we feel internally is usually MUCH bigger than the difference others can observe. So they will slowly get to do that and over time notice consistency in your behavior (as long as you don't relapse) and they will learn to trust you. And that's fair. Relax, be yourself, give it time. Live forward, not backward.
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