Ariesagain

Try to remember that these emotions you're feeling may well be part of withdrawal; they aren't necessarily what lies beneath the drinking. Feelings aren't facts, especially at this stage.

The addicted part of your brain is perfectly capable of making you emotionally miserable to try to get you feeding it alcohol again. Alcohol has highjacked the receptors in your brain cells that manufacture and process natural hormones that keep us emotionally stable and it takes time for those to heal.

It's a part of the process....it gets better.

daisy1

I understand completely. Giving up alcohol is hard enough but dealing with pain and resentment is unbearable. Resentment is a huge cause of relapse so I've been told. I go to a SMART group and I talk things through which helps.
I also agree with Brenda - allow yourself to go there, think of the pain and bad memories and cry properly. Try not to stew and ruminate for hours on end as that doesn't help.
I am nursing a broken heart, I'm now 30- something days and I promise you the pain and feelings are subsiding fast. Big hugs xx

Melissa1217

Unfortunately I know what lies beneath the drinking - the reasons I started drinking for relief.

BrendaChenowyth

Yes, but you can overcome it. I had a lot of dark **** come up when I quit drinking last fall. It did not kill me! I learned to accept it.

Once you've worked it out, it's done. But as long as you keep burying it by drinking, you are going to continue dreading it. Get it done.

We all have our demons. We are stronger than they are.

Melissa1217

Thank you again.

I'm just having a rough one. Hopefully tomorrow will be brighter

biminiblue

It will be brighter because you can be proud of yourself for not picking up a drink to deal with it.

If it's any consolation, Day 9 was my worst day of all in early days. That was the day it all came crashing down around my ears, and I reached out to someone in AA to help me get through it. Just knowing that I could do that was comforting. Good news is that it kept getting better after that. If you need support, keep posting.

I know alcohol was a solution for all of us in the beginning. By the end it becomes a cruel task-master.

Keep it going, Melissa.

Melissa1217

I'm not proud of myself for anything.

I'm not proud I started to begin with.

Honestly, I know this time I over did it. I'm really afraid I'm subconsciously just euthanizing myself.

I sat home and drank for a month.

I'm not proud because the only reason I stopped is I HAD too. If I felt I could take anymore, honestly I'd have one the way I'm feeling right now.

That's what scares me. Thanks for listening.

biminiblue

I've heard alcoholism called "suicide by inches." It's a horrible way to die.

You've stopped. Give it time. A lot of what you're feeling is residual withdrawal.

Many of us (me included) wished for death at the end, and seriously thought about how to accomplish that. I felt oh so sorry for myself.

It gets better with some more sober time.

Melissa1217

Thank you

bluedog97

Melissa, i know exactly what you're going through. I'm on day 24 and am filled with anger, resentment, and frustration. Everyone who has ever done me wrong I want to get them back, stat! I'm taking it a day at a time, hour at a time even, but it is hard. I wish I had someone to vent to regularly.

Melissa1217

Yup, it's almost like people hurt me and I take it out on myself.

Who knows. I'm just not handling anything. Very confusing.

I'm praying we both get some relief.