I'm in trouble and I would value support
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: London
Posts: 67
I'm in trouble and I would value support
Dear Friends
I am returning to this forum under a new name. I was in recovery last year and things improved a lot. But I have a big problem. Last weekend I relapsed on my drug of choice, alcohol. When I was quite drunk I ended up going to a place and taking quite a lot of coke. I really almost never take coke and not in that quantity and I'm not used to it. I used my bank card to pay the guy there for some girls and maybe more coke. We just danced and I stayed there all night. Now I've checked my bank account and I can see they've taken thousands from me in a series of transactions. I feel completely gutted. I don't feel I can report it to the police and I don't know what to say to the bank. But it's a huge amount of money and I am not in a position to afford it.
I feel so isolated and ashamed and I don't even know what step to take now.
By the way, that was a week ago and I haven't had a drink or drug since then. Neither have I been to AA or called any of my friends in the fellowship.
Please help to think through the best way to approach this.
I really appreciate your support.
I am returning to this forum under a new name. I was in recovery last year and things improved a lot. But I have a big problem. Last weekend I relapsed on my drug of choice, alcohol. When I was quite drunk I ended up going to a place and taking quite a lot of coke. I really almost never take coke and not in that quantity and I'm not used to it. I used my bank card to pay the guy there for some girls and maybe more coke. We just danced and I stayed there all night. Now I've checked my bank account and I can see they've taken thousands from me in a series of transactions. I feel completely gutted. I don't feel I can report it to the police and I don't know what to say to the bank. But it's a huge amount of money and I am not in a position to afford it.
I feel so isolated and ashamed and I don't even know what step to take now.
By the way, that was a week ago and I haven't had a drink or drug since then. Neither have I been to AA or called any of my friends in the fellowship.
Please help to think through the best way to approach this.
I really appreciate your support.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi - welcome (back) 
I think going to the police is about your only recourse. If you're not prepared to do that, or you think you yourself might end up charged with something, you may have to kiss the money goodbye.
I don't actually think the money is your worst problem right now.
It's an expensive lesson to be sure, but probably well worth it if gets you to admit that your life is pretty much unmanageable with drink or drugs?
D
I think going to the police is about your only recourse. If you're not prepared to do that, or you think you yourself might end up charged with something, you may have to kiss the money goodbye.
I don't actually think the money is your worst problem right now.
It's an expensive lesson to be sure, but probably well worth it if gets you to admit that your life is pretty much unmanageable with drink or drugs?
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: London
Posts: 67
Dee thanks for this. I think you're right. This is a wake up call and it provides a great reminder that my life is unmangable when I go off on a drinking bender. I just looked up the website for the local police and it appears the first thing to do is to tell the bank.
So far as I can see, I couldn't be charged with the crime of taking a drug in someone's company a week ago. I didn't take any drugs away from the place.
So far as I can see, I couldn't be charged with the crime of taking a drug in someone's company a week ago. I didn't take any drugs away from the place.
Recovering
Join Date: May 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,361
Hi Learninganew
As Dee says, this could be a very expensive wake-up call (I have no idea whether you stand any chance of getting any of that money back), but one that could pay you back hugely if this really was the end of drink and drug use.
What stops you contacting your AA fellowship friends?
As Dee says, this could be a very expensive wake-up call (I have no idea whether you stand any chance of getting any of that money back), but one that could pay you back hugely if this really was the end of drink and drug use.
What stops you contacting your AA fellowship friends?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 116
Look for comparable cases on the internet, mayve you can find some legal stuff on this.
Then, look at your signatures on the Credit Card receipt / bills. Is your signature cleary to recognize as "off", indicating you have been toxicated. How do the bills sum up? Do they match the credit card statement? Do you even have those bills?
If the bills sum up with the amount on your statement, your signature is clearly readable, well, then, this might be in fact a valueable, but expensive lesson and maybe a couple of years from now, you will perceive that as a turning point.
If not, there are three ways to go. To the guy directly, to your credit card company, and to the police.
Good Luck!
Then, look at your signatures on the Credit Card receipt / bills. Is your signature cleary to recognize as "off", indicating you have been toxicated. How do the bills sum up? Do they match the credit card statement? Do you even have those bills?
If the bills sum up with the amount on your statement, your signature is clearly readable, well, then, this might be in fact a valueable, but expensive lesson and maybe a couple of years from now, you will perceive that as a turning point.
If not, there are three ways to go. To the guy directly, to your credit card company, and to the police.
Good Luck!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
If for a lost moment you let someone use your ATM card and freely gave them your pin number -- I think you are out of luck.
Here's what I advise if you don't want to go to the cops.
Go to your bank and ask to talk with the bank manager (in private).
Lay your story right out there -- they've heard it all before.
They will know your best options -- if any.
Good luck and stay sober.
M-Bob
Here's what I advise if you don't want to go to the cops.
Go to your bank and ask to talk with the bank manager (in private).
Lay your story right out there -- they've heard it all before.
They will know your best options -- if any.
Good luck and stay sober.
M-Bob
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Do they have the actual card? I'm sure you've already done this but cancel the card and contact the bank. If they have the card then its technically stolen and you can report it as such. Let the bank handle it. Obviously this will involve lying on your part so its up to you whether or not you're good with that in order to potentially get your money back.
Best thing? Close the account. Take the loss. Get some help. But its up to you obviously.
Best thing? Close the account. Take the loss. Get some help. But its up to you obviously.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,174
..well, I got up one day, logged into the bank account and found I'd been buying mobile phone time in Latvia. And some other places. Then, just for fun, they refunded me $2.50.
Yeah...sure.
Bank refunded the money. They seem to have the attitude that it's cheaper to pay the losses than it is to secure the credit system.
But.....I guess the problem is you spent it. So maybe cancel the card and take the loss.
Bet the girls were fun tho.....
Yeah...sure.
Bank refunded the money. They seem to have the attitude that it's cheaper to pay the losses than it is to secure the credit system.
But.....I guess the problem is you spent it. So maybe cancel the card and take the loss.
Bet the girls were fun tho.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: London
Posts: 67
I've called the bank and said there are some fraudulent transactions on the card. I am being as honest as I can. If they refund it, good. But the other thing I did was go to an NA meeting today and people were incredibly nice. Actually I didn't say anything about the crazy situation that brought me in there - I think all the other people had probably done the much the same kind of crazy thing.
So, now I've been sober for a week I've decided to give SR another go and to book a few more AA meetings into my diary. I know that worked well for me before.
So, now I've been sober for a week I've decided to give SR another go and to book a few more AA meetings into my diary. I know that worked well for me before.
Recovering
Join Date: May 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,361
Go easy Learninganew - if the bank pulls the money back those people may be guys you don't want to cross (and it does sound you were willing rather than unwilling in buying from them), and I imagine you're not too hard for them to trace if they've got your bank details.
Take care of yourself first. Take care of your money second.
Take care of yourself first. Take care of your money second.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Man, that is one really tough experience to go through. That is one painful wake up call. As others have said, cancel that card quick and talk to the bank about any illegal use of that card. Maybe you can get some of the money back. Try your best not to let the shame your feeling get in the way of doing what you need to do, both with your sobriety and financially. Shame is like pride. Both can keep us stuck. Make a plan. Stick with it. No excuses. Good luck. John
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
whatever happened to the days of CASH ONLY for illicit transactions? did dude have one of them Square things on his phone? just hard to imagine dealers or, um, dance managers, taking bank cards.
i am very sorry that you are out so much money. but you sort of put yourself directly in harm's way there, bub. and i very much hope this is the BIG wake up call for you......look what "one" drink got you.........
i am very sorry that you are out so much money. but you sort of put yourself directly in harm's way there, bub. and i very much hope this is the BIG wake up call for you......look what "one" drink got you.........
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: London
Posts: 67
Thanks everyone for your support. I spoke to the bank yesterday and they advised me to go to the police. I will think about that but I'm not in any rush to do so. The good thing is that I went to an NA meeting yesterday and then started scheduling in meetings for today and the rest of the week. I'm going to AA at 5pm today. I've also got an AA friend who's being supportive with phone calls and texts.
And I've been sober for a full week now.
And I've been sober for a full week now.
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