Promised my dying Mother
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 390
Promised my dying Mother
I promised my Mom that I would quit drinking after a weekend of skiing. She's the only person I have to love in my world at the moment. My friends have disappeared (though I know they will return once I stop). I'm doing it for myself, but also to be accountable for my actions.
I wasn't asked to stop. My Mom told me it's too difficult. She knows that I keep taking days off of work and can't even do everyday things such as laundry or shopping when I drink. I told her I would do it for her. She also needs my financial support. She has less than a year to live with cancer. I need to be there for her though I removed myself from family due to the violence and abuse.
Everyone at the ski party (3days) drank, but I skied with 2 pints of whiskey on me to share, but some of the new people I'd met looked down on me though they were doing shooters too. I almost got into a fight playing cards against humanity due to someone else being drunk. I don't want to be that guy.
I kept thinking I didn't have much else to live for and that my actions would eventually take me away the way I thought I would deserve. I deserve a lot more.
I still have one person who tells me she loves me. I can't take it for granted. A promise is a promise, and I will do it even if it lands me in the ER. I want to hear my mother's voice happy for me. I want to see her smile and appreciate her smile. She is a strong woman. I need to be a strong man.
I watched 'Rain in my Heart' yesterday on YT. That was an eye opener.
I'm writing more plans in my binder to keep myself in check.
Thank you all for being here. I'm not sure I would be if I didn't come in here to check myself.
I wasn't asked to stop. My Mom told me it's too difficult. She knows that I keep taking days off of work and can't even do everyday things such as laundry or shopping when I drink. I told her I would do it for her. She also needs my financial support. She has less than a year to live with cancer. I need to be there for her though I removed myself from family due to the violence and abuse.
Everyone at the ski party (3days) drank, but I skied with 2 pints of whiskey on me to share, but some of the new people I'd met looked down on me though they were doing shooters too. I almost got into a fight playing cards against humanity due to someone else being drunk. I don't want to be that guy.
I kept thinking I didn't have much else to live for and that my actions would eventually take me away the way I thought I would deserve. I deserve a lot more.
I still have one person who tells me she loves me. I can't take it for granted. A promise is a promise, and I will do it even if it lands me in the ER. I want to hear my mother's voice happy for me. I want to see her smile and appreciate her smile. She is a strong woman. I need to be a strong man.
I watched 'Rain in my Heart' yesterday on YT. That was an eye opener.
I'm writing more plans in my binder to keep myself in check.
Thank you all for being here. I'm not sure I would be if I didn't come in here to check myself.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,672
SS- to be there for your mum- you need to stop drinking for you. Have you seen a doctor about detox? Do you go to meetings? Do you go to counselling?
Not judgements, suggestions.
Thoughts and prayers to you and your mum.
Not judgements, suggestions.
Thoughts and prayers to you and your mum.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 390
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Seconded.
Have you thought any about a recovery plan sobersolstice - how you'll stay sober?
D
Have you thought any about a recovery plan sobersolstice - how you'll stay sober?
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 390
This is like getting beat up by your father all your life, and finally growing big and strong enough to beat him up with years of lifting and boxing for sending my Mom and I to the hospital when younger.
It's a fight. I will be champ. "Let's go Champ!"
Day 3.
It's a fight. I will be champ. "Let's go Champ!"
Day 3.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
I know people say "you can only do it for you," but doing it for someone you deeply love - whether a dying mother or a baby in the womb or a 9 year old with sad eyes can be profoundly meaningful & important!!
Give that gift! It is so loving!
You might find things out about yourself along the way (& then it's a doubled gift), but even if you only hold it from its intention to the day of her death, it will be meaningful!
I got clean & sober for the child in my womb. I stayed clean & sober for my two children through their child lives. I am so grateful that my time with them was sober!
I struggled later - after they had grown to adulthood - & relapsed & ultimately returned to recovery for my own inner reasons.
Was anything lost by giving them the gift of so many years of a sober mom?
Sometimes, we value others more than we value ourselves. That's a good place to start.
Later, when I chose recovery for me, I had all the tools & experience (plus, my kids still mention that it was important to them).
You won't regret it. Hang in there. You'll gain skills & strength as you go...
Give that gift! It is so loving!
You might find things out about yourself along the way (& then it's a doubled gift), but even if you only hold it from its intention to the day of her death, it will be meaningful!
I got clean & sober for the child in my womb. I stayed clean & sober for my two children through their child lives. I am so grateful that my time with them was sober!
I struggled later - after they had grown to adulthood - & relapsed & ultimately returned to recovery for my own inner reasons.
Was anything lost by giving them the gift of so many years of a sober mom?
Sometimes, we value others more than we value ourselves. That's a good place to start.
Later, when I chose recovery for me, I had all the tools & experience (plus, my kids still mention that it was important to them).
You won't regret it. Hang in there. You'll gain skills & strength as you go...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by sobersolstice
I promised my Mom that I would quit drinking after a weekend of skiing.
My friends have disappeared (though I know they will return once I stop).
My Mom told me it's too difficult.
She knows that I keep taking days off of work
can't even do everyday things such as laundry or shopping when I drink.
She also needs my financial support.
She has less than a year to live with cancer.
I skied with 2 pints of whiskey on me to share
some of the new people I'd met looked down on me
I almost got into a fight playing cards
If so?
It seems that for the drunk things only get worse over time.
There is much support available -- if wanted.
M-Bob
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 390
Originally Posted by Mountainmanbob
Looks like you are probably alcoholic?
If so?
It seems that for the drunk things only get worse over time.
There is much support available -- if wanted.
M-Bob
If so?
It seems that for the drunk things only get worse over time.
There is much support available -- if wanted.
M-Bob
My whole body is breaking into rashes. So itchy.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 390
Originally Posted by heartcore
I know people say "you can only do it for you," but doing it for someone you deeply love - whether a dying mother or a baby in the womb or a 9 year old with sad eyes can be profoundly meaningful & important!!
Give that gift! It is so loving!
You might find things out about yourself along the way (& then it's a doubled gift), but even if you only hold it from its intention to the day of her death, it will be meaningful!
I got clean & sober for the child in my womb. I stayed clean & sober for my two children through their child lives. I am so grateful that my time with them was sober!
I struggled later - after they had grown to adulthood - & relapsed & ultimately returned to recovery for my own inner reasons.
Was anything lost by giving them the gift of so many years of a sober mom?
Sometimes, we value others more than we value ourselves. That's a good place to start.
Later, when I chose recovery for me, I had all the tools & experience (plus, my kids still mention that it was important to them).
You won't regret it. Hang in there. You'll gain skills & strength as you go...
Give that gift! It is so loving!
You might find things out about yourself along the way (& then it's a doubled gift), but even if you only hold it from its intention to the day of her death, it will be meaningful!
I got clean & sober for the child in my womb. I stayed clean & sober for my two children through their child lives. I am so grateful that my time with them was sober!
I struggled later - after they had grown to adulthood - & relapsed & ultimately returned to recovery for my own inner reasons.
Was anything lost by giving them the gift of so many years of a sober mom?
Sometimes, we value others more than we value ourselves. That's a good place to start.
Later, when I chose recovery for me, I had all the tools & experience (plus, my kids still mention that it was important to them).
You won't regret it. Hang in there. You'll gain skills & strength as you go...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by sobersolstice
Alcoholic. Not a drinker.
My whole body is breaking into rashes. So itchy.
My whole body is breaking into rashes. So itchy.
Please answer these questions --
Has liquor ceased to be a luxury?
And now became a necessity?
Simple questions that shed a lot of light.
M-Bob
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
You might find this relevant: https://www.thefix.com/content/trauma-and-addiction9180
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