Hello
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 2
Hello
A little about me:
I'm an alcoholic and have been struggling with alcoholism for several years. I primarily use alcohol for self medication. My father was an alcoholic and both of my mother's parents were alcoholics.
I've always been an anxious person and I was on antidepressants for a couple of years in my mid-20s due to an anxiety disorder. In addition to the medication, I saw a therapist. However, by my late 20s I started smoking pot practically every day. By early 30s I was smoking pot every day.
I moved with my partner out of the city and to the suburbs. I promised myself I would quit pot, and I did. However, by my mid-30s I started drinking (daily). By my late 30s I had increased my daily drinking significantly. I didn't really start drinking much until my mid-30s. Before that it was pot, but really only a drink or two now and then.
I'm now 43 years old. I drink about 6-10 drinks per night. I mostly drink straight vodka (seems to be a common choice of alcoholics). I sometimes have wine too. My blood pressure has been high for about 2 years now. I confessed my drinking to my doctor this summer and he wanted me to go to rehab, but supported me trying to "kick it" myself. He said I should not go "cold turkey" unless I did rehab, so he suggested I taper down over 2 to 3 weeks. I had some success last year. I started exercising daily and cut down my drinking. However, by fall I slid back. I stopped exercising and my drinking increased again. I drank on average 8-10 drinks per night this past December.
I really only drink at night. I start after work when I get home. Usually with 2 or 3 shots of vodka, which I hide. I'm very good at hiding my alcohol. (clever drunk?) I have a glass of wine "in full view" before dinner. I then have anywhere from 3 to 6 more shots of vodka (which I hide) before I go to sleep. I fall asleep but never have a good sleep. Sometimes my hangovers are brutal I don't know how I get up in the morning. How many times have I said in the morning "no more". "I'm going to quit". "I can't keep doing this"? Have I said those things 100 times? 200 times? 300 times? Then I get home from work and I drink. For a very long time I used to so look forward to getting home so I could drink. It made me relax. It made me comfortable. I also don't worry about my drinking, when I'm drinking.
You will laugh, but it has only really been about 6 months where I have been perfectly honest with myself that I am an alcoholic. I've course I've been an alcoholic for years, but I wouldn't admit it to myself. I still have not admitted to my spouse. I just do not want him to worry as he worries about me enough. But I assume he knows I'm an alcoholic. It's funny what someone you love will turn a blind eye to. I am a highly functioning alcoholic, so I guess that enables the denial. And, I'm very good at hiding how much I drink.
It is now 2017 and I want to quit. I am scared I will die if I don't quit, and I know it will kill me if I don't quit. I want to get healthy and I want to stop drinking. I have cut down the past few days, and I've made myself a schedule / plan to taper down my drinking. My plan is to be drink-free in a month. I would try going cold turkey, but my doctor said it isn't wise without medical help particularly because my blood pressure is a bit high.
I have started meditation, which I do like, but is only one measure to help me. I am also going to see a therapist again about my alcohol addiction and my anxiety. I am also hoping that tools like this forum and other tools may help. I thought about AA but I think I would like to go the route of a therapist. It helped me a lot in my 20s.
I've also googled some herbal products that are supposed to help you quit drinking, but I'm very skeptical. They seem to be very expensive - which is fine if they work, based on how much money I waste on booze. But do any of those pills even work? Doesn't it come down to will power?
Anyway, thanks for reading my story. Any words of advice, and any encouragement, is so very much appreciated.
And if there are any threads in the forum you would recommend, please do point me in their direction.
I'm an alcoholic and have been struggling with alcoholism for several years. I primarily use alcohol for self medication. My father was an alcoholic and both of my mother's parents were alcoholics.
I've always been an anxious person and I was on antidepressants for a couple of years in my mid-20s due to an anxiety disorder. In addition to the medication, I saw a therapist. However, by my late 20s I started smoking pot practically every day. By early 30s I was smoking pot every day.
I moved with my partner out of the city and to the suburbs. I promised myself I would quit pot, and I did. However, by my mid-30s I started drinking (daily). By my late 30s I had increased my daily drinking significantly. I didn't really start drinking much until my mid-30s. Before that it was pot, but really only a drink or two now and then.
I'm now 43 years old. I drink about 6-10 drinks per night. I mostly drink straight vodka (seems to be a common choice of alcoholics). I sometimes have wine too. My blood pressure has been high for about 2 years now. I confessed my drinking to my doctor this summer and he wanted me to go to rehab, but supported me trying to "kick it" myself. He said I should not go "cold turkey" unless I did rehab, so he suggested I taper down over 2 to 3 weeks. I had some success last year. I started exercising daily and cut down my drinking. However, by fall I slid back. I stopped exercising and my drinking increased again. I drank on average 8-10 drinks per night this past December.
I really only drink at night. I start after work when I get home. Usually with 2 or 3 shots of vodka, which I hide. I'm very good at hiding my alcohol. (clever drunk?) I have a glass of wine "in full view" before dinner. I then have anywhere from 3 to 6 more shots of vodka (which I hide) before I go to sleep. I fall asleep but never have a good sleep. Sometimes my hangovers are brutal I don't know how I get up in the morning. How many times have I said in the morning "no more". "I'm going to quit". "I can't keep doing this"? Have I said those things 100 times? 200 times? 300 times? Then I get home from work and I drink. For a very long time I used to so look forward to getting home so I could drink. It made me relax. It made me comfortable. I also don't worry about my drinking, when I'm drinking.
You will laugh, but it has only really been about 6 months where I have been perfectly honest with myself that I am an alcoholic. I've course I've been an alcoholic for years, but I wouldn't admit it to myself. I still have not admitted to my spouse. I just do not want him to worry as he worries about me enough. But I assume he knows I'm an alcoholic. It's funny what someone you love will turn a blind eye to. I am a highly functioning alcoholic, so I guess that enables the denial. And, I'm very good at hiding how much I drink.
It is now 2017 and I want to quit. I am scared I will die if I don't quit, and I know it will kill me if I don't quit. I want to get healthy and I want to stop drinking. I have cut down the past few days, and I've made myself a schedule / plan to taper down my drinking. My plan is to be drink-free in a month. I would try going cold turkey, but my doctor said it isn't wise without medical help particularly because my blood pressure is a bit high.
I have started meditation, which I do like, but is only one measure to help me. I am also going to see a therapist again about my alcohol addiction and my anxiety. I am also hoping that tools like this forum and other tools may help. I thought about AA but I think I would like to go the route of a therapist. It helped me a lot in my 20s.
I've also googled some herbal products that are supposed to help you quit drinking, but I'm very skeptical. They seem to be very expensive - which is fine if they work, based on how much money I waste on booze. But do any of those pills even work? Doesn't it come down to will power?
Anyway, thanks for reading my story. Any words of advice, and any encouragement, is so very much appreciated.
And if there are any threads in the forum you would recommend, please do point me in their direction.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,914
Welcome!
I'm glad to hear you have a plan - meditation and therapy is great! I don't reccomend one program (like AA or SMART) above another, but I don't think it hurts to get out there and try a meeting or two and see if it sticks? Recovery is a strange and unfamiliar place for a lot of us, and you never know what will work and what won't. That one hour meeting could change your life, and if it doesn't then no big deal. If I think of the hours I spent wasting my life drinking then a hour or two here or there trying things out for sobriety doesn't seem like much!
As far as herbal products, I'm no doctor but I didn't use anything other than my normal daily vitamins when I stopped drinking. If there's anything in particular you're worried about I would suggest stopping by a Doctor to let them know you're quitting drinking and see what they suggest.
Happy to have you here! Post often and let us know how things are going!
We do have a 'Class' thread for everyone who stopped drinking this month - maybe you could join us? It's nice and reassuring to hear what other people are going through that are near the same phase of recovery... http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-2-a-2.html
I'm glad to hear you have a plan - meditation and therapy is great! I don't reccomend one program (like AA or SMART) above another, but I don't think it hurts to get out there and try a meeting or two and see if it sticks? Recovery is a strange and unfamiliar place for a lot of us, and you never know what will work and what won't. That one hour meeting could change your life, and if it doesn't then no big deal. If I think of the hours I spent wasting my life drinking then a hour or two here or there trying things out for sobriety doesn't seem like much!
As far as herbal products, I'm no doctor but I didn't use anything other than my normal daily vitamins when I stopped drinking. If there's anything in particular you're worried about I would suggest stopping by a Doctor to let them know you're quitting drinking and see what they suggest.
Happy to have you here! Post often and let us know how things are going!
We do have a 'Class' thread for everyone who stopped drinking this month - maybe you could join us? It's nice and reassuring to hear what other people are going through that are near the same phase of recovery... http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-2-a-2.html
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 973
Hi and welcome Takingbacklife! Lots of similar stories and plenty of people with whom you can relate on this site! Finding SR was a lifesaver for me! Wishing you the best in your journey! I second checking out the January class for support and motivation!
AA Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,983
Originally Posted by Takingbacklife 
Doesn't it come down to will power?
i had to really admit in my heart that im an alcoholic AND the unmanageable nature of my life
then i could follow some simple direction in aa to stay sober
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,462
Takingbacklife,
You are like many of us. Your story is very similar to mine. You are not alone in this I promise. When I found SR I found many who drank like me yet found long term sobriety, I took great comfort in that. I know you can do it. You have to make a plan and stick to it. It's hard yes but so incredibly worth it. We are all here for you.
You are like many of us. Your story is very similar to mine. You are not alone in this I promise. When I found SR I found many who drank like me yet found long term sobriety, I took great comfort in that. I know you can do it. You have to make a plan and stick to it. It's hard yes but so incredibly worth it. We are all here for you.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
It's great to have you with us, Takingbacklife. I have a similar background too.
I'm glad you've acknowledged your alcoholism. That was the hardest part for me. I tried using willpower for decades. I don't know why I was so determined to hold on to my drinking days. In the end, I was miserable and desperate. Anxiety was terrible. It's wonderful to be free of it. Welcome!
I'm glad you've acknowledged your alcoholism. That was the hardest part for me. I tried using willpower for decades. I don't know why I was so determined to hold on to my drinking days. In the end, I was miserable and desperate. Anxiety was terrible. It's wonderful to be free of it. Welcome!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Welcome to SR, you've laid out a pretty classical timeline of how our drinking starts out innocently enough, escalates and then begins tearing us down/apart. With some effort and planning you can slay the beast. Its is simple, but not easy. Mindfulness of our decisions is paramount. Long term health far outweighs the immediate "relaxation" of alcohol. Wish you the best.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Welcome takingbacklife 
Part of my will wanted to drink so no - willpower was no use to me.
Accepting that I had a toxic relationship with alcohol and always would made it clearer for me - I could quit and have the problem disappear; or drink more and have the problem worsen.
D
Part of my will wanted to drink so no - willpower was no use to me.
Accepting that I had a toxic relationship with alcohol and always would made it clearer for me - I could quit and have the problem disappear; or drink more and have the problem worsen.
D
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
If your doctor told you not to quit cold turkey without medical help, why isn't s/he giving you the medical help to get thru withdrawal?
Tapering over a month is just giving yourself license to continue to drink. I'd ask the doctor for some help in getting thru the first few days of physical withdrawal. Get it over with and be free.
Here's a good thread to check in with once a day.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-198-a.html
Tapering over a month is just giving yourself license to continue to drink. I'd ask the doctor for some help in getting thru the first few days of physical withdrawal. Get it over with and be free.
Here's a good thread to check in with once a day.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-198-a.html
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 3,360
Welcome to Sober Recovery
I knew drinking was hurting me, but kept right on for years. Finally, when it got so bad the next day after a binge, my heart beat so hard, I had to stay very still, unfortunately it took many more times to be able to say no to the first drink, no matter what. I know I have to stay away from the first drink forever, it will not get better, at least not for me. Make yourself a priority and keep close to SR and whatever else helps you stay sober.
I knew drinking was hurting me, but kept right on for years. Finally, when it got so bad the next day after a binge, my heart beat so hard, I had to stay very still, unfortunately it took many more times to be able to say no to the first drink, no matter what. I know I have to stay away from the first drink forever, it will not get better, at least not for me. Make yourself a priority and keep close to SR and whatever else helps you stay sober.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 2
Hi everyone,
Thanks for the welcome and kind words.
As several of you have posted, many of us seem to be in the same boat...or were in the same boat. And, I'm really energized by hearing from those of you who were able to overcome and stop drinking. I love hearing how much better your lives are without alcohol.
I've made my first appointment with a therapist - just an introduction so I hope it goes well.
I am also going to use this forum as a daily resource as well.
Thanks for the welcome and kind words.
As several of you have posted, many of us seem to be in the same boat...or were in the same boat. And, I'm really energized by hearing from those of you who were able to overcome and stop drinking. I love hearing how much better your lives are without alcohol.
I've made my first appointment with a therapist - just an introduction so I hope it goes well.
I am also going to use this forum as a daily resource as well.
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