Alone (at home) in this
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 76
Alone (at home) in this
I'm starting to understand my husband will never support me in this.
It's difficult to think you have a problem and live with someone who so adamantly denies that... like I want to have a problem! It makes the battle twice as hard.
Example:
The last day of this relapse, I went off the deep end. Total oblivion drunk. The next day, I'm hung over and depressed. My husband comes home from work with a six pack and a bottle of wine to make me feel better. I asked him why? And immediately felt bad bc he didn't seem to have malicious intentions.
It feels like he's just waiting for me to knock it off and come to my senses already. Totally dismissive of the whole situation, and sometimes actually mean.
:::Sigh:::
It's difficult to think you have a problem and live with someone who so adamantly denies that... like I want to have a problem! It makes the battle twice as hard.
Example:
The last day of this relapse, I went off the deep end. Total oblivion drunk. The next day, I'm hung over and depressed. My husband comes home from work with a six pack and a bottle of wine to make me feel better. I asked him why? And immediately felt bad bc he didn't seem to have malicious intentions.
It feels like he's just waiting for me to knock it off and come to my senses already. Totally dismissive of the whole situation, and sometimes actually mean.
:::Sigh:::
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Mine was the same. Luckily it was ME getting me sober, not him.
It helped me to focus on the support that was there and available for me to draw on rather than focus on the few people who did not support me.
What does your daily recovery plan look like? That is much more vital to your recovery than anything our partners say or do. If partners were the driving force behind others sobriety then it'd be far less frustrating for all those folk on Friends and Family who want nothing more than their partners to stop drinking. It isn't the partner that holds the key though. It is us, the recovering alcoholic. It is us that need to make recovery plans, us that needs to do the work, us that need to seek out our support network, and us that need to stay sober and hour, or a day, at a time. And if we really want it, then our partners won't hinder us.
It's really important that we don't spend too much thought or emotional energy on that wishful thinking and' if only's regarding out partners attitudes. Recovery is about changing US, not them. It took me a lot of rage and pain to finally accept this. Rage and pain that added no serenity to my recovery, and made my sober journey that bit harder.
You CAN do this. Once you've got some sobriety under your belt you might find that his attitude starts to change. If not, well, you can decide what you want to do about that when the time comes. For now though, the priority for your energy and focus needs to be you.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery.
BB
It helped me to focus on the support that was there and available for me to draw on rather than focus on the few people who did not support me.
What does your daily recovery plan look like? That is much more vital to your recovery than anything our partners say or do. If partners were the driving force behind others sobriety then it'd be far less frustrating for all those folk on Friends and Family who want nothing more than their partners to stop drinking. It isn't the partner that holds the key though. It is us, the recovering alcoholic. It is us that need to make recovery plans, us that needs to do the work, us that need to seek out our support network, and us that need to stay sober and hour, or a day, at a time. And if we really want it, then our partners won't hinder us.
It's really important that we don't spend too much thought or emotional energy on that wishful thinking and' if only's regarding out partners attitudes. Recovery is about changing US, not them. It took me a lot of rage and pain to finally accept this. Rage and pain that added no serenity to my recovery, and made my sober journey that bit harder.
You CAN do this. Once you've got some sobriety under your belt you might find that his attitude starts to change. If not, well, you can decide what you want to do about that when the time comes. For now though, the priority for your energy and focus needs to be you.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery.
BB
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
I don't know if your husband is an alcoholic, but if not, it's difficult for a non-alcoholic to understand our addiction.
Just like it's difficult for us to understand a partner's co-dependent enabling tendencies.
Just like it's difficult for us to understand a partner's co-dependent enabling tendencies.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: US
Posts: 544
KGR
In the short run, there's no way to change your husband's behavior (good or bad). And that's okay. What you'll need to do is make sure you have a plan that accounts for this. For example, simply refuse the offer of drink and let him know that you're not interested in it TODAY. Repeat tomorrow and so on.
Also, please make sure you do whatever it takes to stay sober today and do it for yourself - no one else.
Don't be afraid to look for help: counseling, support groups, etc to assist you in focusing on what you need to do to stay sober.
In short - be resolved and create your own support network outside of your own home. Hopefully over time your husband will see how determined you are and you will have the strength to continue on your path of recovery.
I wish you well on this journey.
In the short run, there's no way to change your husband's behavior (good or bad). And that's okay. What you'll need to do is make sure you have a plan that accounts for this. For example, simply refuse the offer of drink and let him know that you're not interested in it TODAY. Repeat tomorrow and so on.
Also, please make sure you do whatever it takes to stay sober today and do it for yourself - no one else.
Don't be afraid to look for help: counseling, support groups, etc to assist you in focusing on what you need to do to stay sober.
In short - be resolved and create your own support network outside of your own home. Hopefully over time your husband will see how determined you are and you will have the strength to continue on your path of recovery.
I wish you well on this journey.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Lol - just went for a trip down memory lane re this issue, looking at my old thread about it. I got some good advice from others back then... http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...d-support.html
PS He still keeps forgetting he already ate his dinner. Lol
PS He still keeps forgetting he already ate his dinner. Lol
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
It would be great if everyone had support at home...but that's not often the case.
Thankfully there are places like SR for support, as well as meeting based groups like AA SMART lifering etc.
In a very real sense, you're not alone...try not to despair
Thankfully there are places like SR for support, as well as meeting based groups like AA SMART lifering etc.
In a very real sense, you're not alone...try not to despair
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
Many people who are not alcoholics, have no clue what it's like. He may have just had good intentions, but in the end really the only ones that can truly understand are others in your shoes.
Try not letting it get to you, stick to this site and other outlets. Maybe even check out an AA meeting.
Try not letting it get to you, stick to this site and other outlets. Maybe even check out an AA meeting.
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