Soberwolf

If somebody lies straight to your face about something important don't put up with they will just do it again & again

Don't put up with liars in your life your worth more

Spk to you all soon

FreeOwl

It's a good point.

A good counterpoint is people do change.

I was once a liar. Actually, a lot more than once.

I've grown. I don't lie. I value honesty and integrity.

I've hurt people I cared about in my life and have felt the pain of doing so... bother theirs and mine.

I agree with your statement..... but I'd also amend it by saying 'be compassionate and forgiving and recognize that we are all learning and growing at our own pace'.

Soberwolf

FWIW I meant now were all sober not our pasts don't put up with liars because they manipulate and soon enough it gets worse & worse & worse

Of course people change I commend that big time but when you trust someone & that trust is broken don't let it continue

Apologies for not making this clearer x

MLD51

Yeah, I was one of those liars. I almost lost one on my most important friendships because of it. No one trusted me. I have changed. I no longer lie. But there are those who may never forgive me. It's sad, and it hurts, but all I can do is keep being honest and perhaps someday I'll be trusted again.

biminiblue

What's going on, SW? You sound like you have a huge resentment in the last couple days.

I know for myself when I am angry enough say it out loud (or in a forum post) that I need to take a step back from whatever the situation is and be fearless in looking at my part in it. Is it going to affect my life in a big way? If so, I always have the choice of staying away from that person.

I also learned that manipulation is a word the "victim" uses. To the other person it is just trying to work an angle to obtain a specific outcome. There may not be any ill will (of course, not always true.)

Regardless, allowing another person to steal my serenity just hurts me. They don't even know I'm upset. I treat this like a drinking thought - it's a sort of addictive thought pattern and can be let go in the same way.

((hug))

tomsteve

bimini said what I was thinkin pretty much.

resentment is like drinking poison expecting the other person to die.

its me that allows a resentment to happen. it has nothing to do with the other person.

August252015

Yes, hard for us to respond helpfully (we hope it would be) without more info.

I'll just say that these days, I don't tolerate people with any BS in their behavior or (seeming) agenda. I am ruthless about who gets my time, and am increasingly better at being the same about who gets any "head space." I can be polite or simply avoid most people, and I don't have to be friends with anyone who negatively impacts me. I look at myself for the why [I am disturbed] in some cases, but I don't let those folks into my life.

TaniksHunter

Definitely so true. I made the mistake of giving a liar multiple second chances and I still regret it even though it's been years.

Winslow

I hate being lied to worse than anything! TBH,I'd rather someone slap me across the face than be lied too

Jeni26

Are you ok Wolfie?

The biggest hurts I have are when those I trust let me down. I've learned how to negotiate those feelings a lot better just lately. I used to drink on resentments...it was a bit like 'well look what you made me do'...

Once bitten, twice shy with me. I do forgive eventually, but I never forget.

thomas11

I'm sorry to say lying was the main reason I went minimal contact with my own family. So many stupid secrets and blatant lies. Worse yet, I knew they were lying the second it came out of their mouth. They must think I'm very stupid, or they don't even care.

saoutchik

I hope you are OK Soberwolf

SoberLeigh

I am so sorry if someone has lied to you, disappointed you or let you down, sw. We are here for you.

Soberwolf

Just to say I'm ok just peeved Il be fine

kinzoku

Wow, something I needed to hear today. Thank you. Easier said than done though.

Berrybean

Hope you're okay SW. Try to work past that resentment. Justified or not, it doesn't make for comfortable sobriety, and just punishes yourself over and over for whatever the person did to pee you off in the first place.

And if it's someone in active addiction, try to remember it kinda goes with the territory. Plus, if my own experiences of lying and deception are anything to go by, it will be creating fear and anxiety and shame I them as well - even if they don't realise what is causing those feelings for now.

Prayers going out for you tonight Wolfie. X

venuscat

It's a very painful lesson, but I think you're right love.
I hope whatever happened is something you can move on from...you have all of our support.

Soberwolf

Thank you everyone for every post I appreciate all the advice & agree this is a resentment I am working on there is zero chance of me drinking if you know me I can get angry but drinking of thoughts of drinking never play into it

I'm not the type who gets angry about something and says **** it if I done that I'd be dead already

in life things change & people do get angry in my case I went nuclear because of something & I'm working on getting past it but it's going to take time to reconcile if it ever can be reconciled

The main thing is I'm ok I wrote this thread in anger but also from the heart can I handle things better of course, I strive too aswell but I am human and I have flaws just like anyone else

it's because I get angry it can seem unsettling for that I can only apologise & say I will continue to work on myself & try very hard to get past this in the meantime I thank you for every single post I appreciate it

Spk soon everyone & thank you

venuscat

Just love you wolfie. ♥

Berrybean