Help with Son
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
Help with Son
Hi all ,Ive not been posting much but still sober .
We have our oldest son living with us to help him stay sober .
He's got 2 days but its hard work for him and also for us .
I never realised just how horrible it is looking at another family member like this .
He says he is ready to go back home but I don't think he is . In my experience I think its the addiction talking and not him .
The tension at here is unbearable , he's staying as calm as possible but he's so restless .
What in your opinion should we do here , have any of you been in this position .
his partner has left him with their youngster who he idolises .
We all at our wits end .
Thanks for listening
We have our oldest son living with us to help him stay sober .
He's got 2 days but its hard work for him and also for us .
I never realised just how horrible it is looking at another family member like this .
He says he is ready to go back home but I don't think he is . In my experience I think its the addiction talking and not him .
The tension at here is unbearable , he's staying as calm as possible but he's so restless .
What in your opinion should we do here , have any of you been in this position .
his partner has left him with their youngster who he idolises .
We all at our wits end .
Thanks for listening
AA Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,983
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
In my experience it was the third day or just after that I would fall. Just as the anxiety starts to let up. When he does leave, he needs some plan to follow. Small daily goals, rituals, to include eating properly and exercise. AA is good if he is a good fit. Otherwise just a set of productive goals and some plan of action. But the biggest thing is that he wants to quit and he understands the futility of not quitting. Positive energy to you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Its pretty amazing seeing the addiction from the other side. And it has been my experience that family, even if they are alcoholics, often find it very challenging to separate love from support. Families are usually really enmeshed especially if there is dysfunction like addiction....perspective is very tough.
I would encourage him to go to AA. He can find people to support him, guide him that aren't related to him. This might take some of the pressure off you. And I guess, as hard as this is, detach with love. You can't make him do anything he isn't motivated to do himself.
Is he medically detoxing?
I would encourage him to go to AA. He can find people to support him, guide him that aren't related to him. This might take some of the pressure off you. And I guess, as hard as this is, detach with love. You can't make him do anything he isn't motivated to do himself.
Is he medically detoxing?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Agree with other posters, Thomas. If he's willing, hit a few AA meetings. Lots of good support and might ease the worry and pressure on you. Hardest thing in the world is to watch our. Children fall. Up to him to get up again. Good luck. .
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
I went to AA with him a few weeks ago but maybe wasn't the right time . Will try some of my recovering AA friends to see if they can offer support. As you say above maybe detached support will work better rather that the kind from a parent .
Good to see you Soberwolf .
Good to see you Soberwolf .
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Support for you and support for him are good ways forward.
Though he does have to want to get Sober also, as others have said if he can build more into his plan, meetings, more support.
In the meantime Al-Anon is a great place for family members!!
Though he does have to want to get Sober also, as others have said if he can build more into his plan, meetings, more support.
In the meantime Al-Anon is a great place for family members!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Some good advice here already Thomas. I'd also try the Family and Friends forum - there;s a wealth of knowledge on this kind of stuff down there.
It's tough. I've learned over the years that all I can do is share my experiennce.
I can't 'make' someone be sober. Sometimes that's heart breaking - I can only imagine how it might be between a father and a son.
best wishes & prayers to all your family involved in this Thomas//
D
It's tough. I've learned over the years that all I can do is share my experiennce.
I can't 'make' someone be sober. Sometimes that's heart breaking - I can only imagine how it might be between a father and a son.
best wishes & prayers to all your family involved in this Thomas//
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
Hes 34 , yes its heartbreaking and I feel guilty as if i have passed this illness on to him , I know this is not about my feelings though .
You are all so very kind and I am passing your advice on as needed .
He was explaining to me last night he's physically not too bad but its the mental side of the obsession he struggles with .
You are all so very kind and I am passing your advice on as needed .
He was explaining to me last night he's physically not too bad but its the mental side of the obsession he struggles with .
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I understand you feeling guilty Thomas but your son has exactly the same opportunities we have to stop, and as a sober dad now, you can be a role model.
You can also understand exactly what addiction is like.
I hope he hits his turning point now.
D
You can also understand exactly what addiction is like.
I hope he hits his turning point now.
D
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