kinzoku

Saturday is usually when I see my girl_ friend. Girlfriend. Girlfriend?

In Asia it was easier because relationship dynamics aren't fluid like they are now with the millenials in the west. Of course, in Asia there are drawbacks to traditional relationship paradigms as well. Especially for women.

But that is neither here nor there.

So long as my writing here is worth something to someone, I will try to do it whenever I feel a craving.

I feel a craving. I am alone tonight. Junk food has been binged. Games have been played. But emptiness.

I was one of the best students in my class today. I take weekend classes. I went out with two new friends from class. I have some quasi friends, thats nice.

But I'm still alone when I come home. Is this feeling what drives people to long term relationships? Is that an unfair aspersion? I don't want to be married, or even seriously commited, until I'm whole. Is that unrealistic?

I won't buy a drink tonight. I want to, but I wont. Mainly because I'm making this post. And It will make me feel guilty. I'm also seeing my father tomorrow. He is very proud of my recovery. I'm not sure how he would react to my relapse.

My drinking only ever affected him once, but it was dramatic and it shook him up.

Can you really rely on other people? I don't think so. Is that what is hindering me in my recovery? The fact that I don't believe friends can really be there for you? That people can really count on eachother?

Are there any stoics amongst us here in SR? People who believe that a man or woman is alone in this world?

Dee74

This community has never let me down- told me things I didn;t want to hear at times, but never let me down. I just offer that as an observation and a recommendation

I'm not a Stoic. I believe the natural order of things is to be connected.

Have you considered you might be depressed?

D

entropy1964

Wow you're getting deep tonight. Must be all the junk food. Do you think the stoics ate junk food? Probably not

But in terms of relying on others.....well, not to be depressing but I've not had the best luck with others myself. I'm not sure if that's the luck of the draw, something I'm doing wrong or just the way it is. I am hopeful however that maybe someday that will change for me. so I just keep trying. Sort of. Honestly I like being alone....too much. I think that's why I am drawn to the concept of God.....I suppose God, by definition, never goes away, or does horrid things. I dunno. Deep stuff. I believe in the end I will be alone. I watched my husband die. Surrounded by people but all alone. Ugh. Sorry. Change of topic:

What does it mean when you say that the dynamics of relationships with millennials are fluid? I'm old and just curious really.

Ok this post is so not helpful. I'm sorry. I'm glad you're not drinking. Your post made me think of a lot of things.....ok I'll shut up now.

Mklove

Interesting to think about how I like being alone, have sought out a home in a remote setting, consistently rejected offers for companionship, outside of my husband and best friend who lived with me, but is now passed on. Obvious fact is that we drank together, all of us. Learning to cope without her, hadn't realized how insulated I had become outside of work. But still, people have both let me down as well as been there unflinchingly. I just reject their offerings of time together.

kinzoku

Frick, conversation is helpful. I like it

Dee, I have always suffered from depression. Talking helps a bit

MkLove, I recommend accepting their offers. Making new friends in sobriety helps me. It does not heal all though.

Robert88

I can't even rely on my family for help sometimes. I seriously rely on my pastor and my friends from my church more than my family. I rely on the Lord a lot but I know that is not for everyone. I am just saying who I rely on. The people here are nice. My problem is that I would rather be alone but I need to be around others for support or I will get sucked back into my addictions.

kinzoku

Oh if you are curious what I mean by fluid relationships, it means it is assumed you are seeing other people UNTIL you have a conversation defining the relationship. Which is the opposite to what I have found living in more conservative cultures elsewhere.

Presumption of monogamy was the norm in asia, presumption of polyamory seems to be the norm in young 20 somethings here.

Robert88

I don't think that young people even want to get married these days. It is kind of like that book called A Brave New World lol.

kinzoku

BNW was my favorite book for a very very long time. It has some poignant metaphors for our times. The destruction of freedom comes not, as Orwell predicted, through force but as Huxley predicted, through an overload of pleasure and stimulus.