Join Date: Nov 2016
Ups & Downs
Life has been good to me, but there have been countless times where I haven't been good to myself. I'm blessed with a fine, loving family who support the hell out of me, and I've been lucky to have some genuine friends in my life. I'm 23 years old, and have just graduated, getting my Bachelor's Degree with honors, Summa *** Laude. As graduation came, I was excited to start a new chapter in my life, hoping to land a job that I love going to daily. However now, I'm back tracked.
Ever since I was 14 years old, I've been a heavy drinker. Within a few months of being in high school, I was drinking left and right, smoking weed, eating mushrooms, taking ecstacy, cocaine, xanax... You name it, I've done it all, tried it all. I didn't see a problem with trying new things at such a young age, but little did I know, habits from youth can transition over into early adulthood. Luckily for me, I didn't get too into heavy drugs, but alcohol has always been there right next to me, even if I didn't want its company.
I've never been one of those people that can have one or two beers, I need 8, 9, 10. One night I recall having 15+ beers, numerous shots, a bottle of champagne, glass of wine. Needless to say, I threw up blood that night. And another night, and another. I drink until I wake up the next morning covered in my throw up wondering how I got to be where I am. My family has always recognized my drinking problem, but I always thought since I was young and in my college years, no harm no foul. Even if I felt sick and exhausted from drinking, I could never find myself the need or want to stop. Gaining 40 pounds didn't make me want to quit, crashing my car into a fence drunk didn't make me want to quit, reading those embarassing messages I sent over and over didn't make me want to quit.
Then, one day I decided enough was enough, and went sober cold turkey for 8 months from weed and alcohol. I know weed isn't this horrible drug, but when you're spending money you don't have on a substance you don't need, it's a problem. I have no medical issues, I strictly abused it. Just as I had since 14, weed became a casual thing to do, but it wasn't doing me any good. In that sober period of 8 months, I lost 50 pounds, felt at my best physically and mentally, and was ready for a new phase in life.
Then, my friend who I hadn't seen in years came home to visit, and I jumped right off the deep end again. That was on June 22,2016 and since then, I've been tipping back the bottle hard. Drinking whole bottles of tequila, drinking 12+ beers everytime I drink. Alcohol became a problem once again, I gained 20 pounds back, lost my Iphone, and on November 11th at 1:30 A.M. Was arrested for the first time charged with a drunk in public. That night, I must have had atleast 15 drinks, as I blew a .28 BAC. Before going out, I had to borrow a pair of jeans from my friend, and he wears a size 30, I'm a 34. I couldn't get the button snapped, so I just left it as is, because my jacket covered the button anyways. However, since I was so beligerent, I left the bar and upon running and falling, running and falling, the unbuttoned jeans fell to my ankles and I couldn't comprehend a thought to pull them up, as my logic and cognitive/motor skills were completely gone. I'm thankful the officer didn't charge me with anything other than drunk in public, as he easily could have put more charges on because my pants down.
I don't remember being detained, or the ride to the county jail, but the most sobering moment i've ever had, was hearing the sound of a cell door slamming shut. Everything became real. I instantly snapped out of my drunken stupor, and suddenly, my reality became clear. I have a substance abuse problem. The first thing I did after telling my family was write the officer a letter and give him a 20$ gift card to starbucks, thanking him for taking me off the street, as I could have seriously hurt myself or someone else. I could have walked in the middle of the road, caused a crash. I haven't drank since and don't plan for a long time. I guess I needed my own personal rock bottom to understand alcohol has no room in my life. I have a bright future, and booze has no place in it.
I'm a college graduate who finished with a 3.90 GPA, and I'm fully aware if I continue my drinking, that 3.90 GPA can turn into a 3.90 BAC. Throughout my years, I've had some ups and downs, and as much as I regret my downs, they motivate me to strive for ups.
I'm excited to live life sober, thanks for reading. I'm all ears if you need to vent.
I'm pursuing screenwriting and currently working on pitching to Netflix with a fellow artist. If you're a creative soul, enjoy music, writing, painting, any of the arts, please feel free to message me, as I think it'd be nice to follow this journey with people who are on similar paths with similar interests.
Peace & Love.