4 Years Today
Still I rise.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oh Canada!
Posts: 1,121
4 Years Today
I'm posting this in the Newcomers forum because I felt it might give some new members hope.
I always drank too much and loved it from the first sip of my adolescent lips. As the years wore on, I began to realize how much I depended upon it. I was the one always looking to see if there was 'enough' when at a party. I was the one who would drink prior to a night out and drink after a night out at home. I always drank to get drunk. And, then, I was mostly just drinking alone.
It was while I was trying to cope with the end of my marriage where things finally spiralled out of control. I drank more and more to escape the crushing anxiety that I had always lived with but that was now becoming insurmountable with trying to deal with a profound loss. Such grief. Bad times.
However, the temporary alleviation of anxiety I received during a wine binge was only met with intense anxiety and horrible physical side effects the next day. At least two bottles of wine a few times a week with the remainder days 'recovering' from the hellish hangovers was no way to live. The psychological and physical effects of drinking so heavily were taking its toll and I knew I had to try to find a way out of this nightmarish cycle. I felt so hopeless but felt I had to try. I couldn't go on living the way I was.
I tried a few AA meetings but those were definitely not for me. By the internet powers that be I found this site and used it as my primary and sole source of support as I tried to crawl my way out of the hole I was in.
It didn't 'take' until months after I joined as you can see from my start date and my date of sobriety. However, the more I logged in here and read the stories of others, the more strength I gained to increase the days, and then weeks, between a binge. It was difficult but, as you can see, it's not impossible. I NEVER thought I could live without the crutch of alcohol to get me through the hard days and celebrate the good days.
But I did it. I'm stronger than I thought and so are you.
To all who are struggling today, do not give up. Keep coming here. Reach out to those whose posts resonate with you. If something doesn't work, try something else. Don't stop trying if you do drink. You can get there. It WILL become easier. You can increase those sober days until one by one they reach years.
Life is hard. Don't make it harder. Do I still crave it at times? Yes...but it's few and far between these days. And when I do, I log in here and read and remind myself why drinking is not the answer for me. The other thing I do is ANYTHING until that fleeting urge (and it is very fleeting four years later) passes. Read, surf the net, go for a walk, take a hot shower/bath. I also think ahead to how I would feel the next day...and that has been enough to vanquish a fleeting desire which has such capacity for so much damage.
I will never be a 'normal' drinker. Even if I have only a couple of glasses one day, I know, soon enough, it will be back to bottles. It just is what it is. My life has become clearer. I am far stronger at my profession. I am a better human being as a non-drinker.
To everyone on here (and those who has 'known' me since the beginning), I see you and I thank you for so courageously sharing your stories. You are what keep me sober. You are powerful. I feel so lucky to have found you.
I always drank too much and loved it from the first sip of my adolescent lips. As the years wore on, I began to realize how much I depended upon it. I was the one always looking to see if there was 'enough' when at a party. I was the one who would drink prior to a night out and drink after a night out at home. I always drank to get drunk. And, then, I was mostly just drinking alone.
It was while I was trying to cope with the end of my marriage where things finally spiralled out of control. I drank more and more to escape the crushing anxiety that I had always lived with but that was now becoming insurmountable with trying to deal with a profound loss. Such grief. Bad times.
However, the temporary alleviation of anxiety I received during a wine binge was only met with intense anxiety and horrible physical side effects the next day. At least two bottles of wine a few times a week with the remainder days 'recovering' from the hellish hangovers was no way to live. The psychological and physical effects of drinking so heavily were taking its toll and I knew I had to try to find a way out of this nightmarish cycle. I felt so hopeless but felt I had to try. I couldn't go on living the way I was.
I tried a few AA meetings but those were definitely not for me. By the internet powers that be I found this site and used it as my primary and sole source of support as I tried to crawl my way out of the hole I was in.
It didn't 'take' until months after I joined as you can see from my start date and my date of sobriety. However, the more I logged in here and read the stories of others, the more strength I gained to increase the days, and then weeks, between a binge. It was difficult but, as you can see, it's not impossible. I NEVER thought I could live without the crutch of alcohol to get me through the hard days and celebrate the good days.
But I did it. I'm stronger than I thought and so are you.
To all who are struggling today, do not give up. Keep coming here. Reach out to those whose posts resonate with you. If something doesn't work, try something else. Don't stop trying if you do drink. You can get there. It WILL become easier. You can increase those sober days until one by one they reach years.
Life is hard. Don't make it harder. Do I still crave it at times? Yes...but it's few and far between these days. And when I do, I log in here and read and remind myself why drinking is not the answer for me. The other thing I do is ANYTHING until that fleeting urge (and it is very fleeting four years later) passes. Read, surf the net, go for a walk, take a hot shower/bath. I also think ahead to how I would feel the next day...and that has been enough to vanquish a fleeting desire which has such capacity for so much damage.
I will never be a 'normal' drinker. Even if I have only a couple of glasses one day, I know, soon enough, it will be back to bottles. It just is what it is. My life has become clearer. I am far stronger at my profession. I am a better human being as a non-drinker.
To everyone on here (and those who has 'known' me since the beginning), I see you and I thank you for so courageously sharing your stories. You are what keep me sober. You are powerful. I feel so lucky to have found you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,240
Congratulations on 4 yrs of many one
days at a time sober and incorporating
your program of recovery in your life
to achieve those promising gifts we
all look to achieve while remaining
sober and by helping others still
struggling with addiction by simply
sharing your own ESH - experiences
strengths and hopes of what your life
was and is like before, during and
after your addiction.
Way to go...!!!!!
days at a time sober and incorporating
your program of recovery in your life
to achieve those promising gifts we
all look to achieve while remaining
sober and by helping others still
struggling with addiction by simply
sharing your own ESH - experiences
strengths and hopes of what your life
was and is like before, during and
after your addiction.
Way to go...!!!!!
Still I rise.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oh Canada!
Posts: 1,121
Originally Posted by HelenofTroy 
Great post and congrats on 4 years! I'm only at 31 days but I'm right behind you 
Congrats on 31 days...that's how it starts!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
is this the Canada/Brit recovery thread? I live in a U.S. state that touches Canada...close enough?Such a great post, RO. We are all alike and all different. I could have written your post. It's eery how similar our stories can be.
Well done. May you have many more years of sober living.
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