Still Coming to Terms With It All
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 141
Still Coming to Terms With It All
Its just over a week since I admitted I had lost control and told my wife and daughter I was going for help. I entered a treatment program on Monday but I'm not sober yet. I was drinking so much that they told me it was dangerous to stop, I have some medical training so i knew they were right. Instead I'm on a reduction program and should be posting my first sober day around this time next week.
I have to admit to feeling overwhelmed. Lots of questions in my head.
I have to admit to feeling overwhelmed. Lots of questions in my head.
- How on earth am I going to tell my party going friends?
- How will my brother react?
- I have an important job - I make massive decisions on multi million £/$ contracts - I've been doing it under the influence - will I still be able to do that sober?
- How am I going to fill the gap where my drunken nights used to be?
- What if I can't do it? With the amount i drink that will be a death sentence.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 36
Good questions. Nervous energy is good. If it wasn't nervous energy then I'd be worried it was complacency and worried for success.
Your questions show to me areas that you need to focus on. Foreseen obstacles and you can plan for those.
Not sure what yur brother concern is but I can't imagine he'd be upset that you've realised a weakness and doing something about it.
I daresay your work decisions can only improve with clarity. But only you know that.
So I'm glad you have these concerns but it gives me faith that you're thinking practically and clearly about it and the basic underlying question is simply, who am I without alcohol and will I like myself then?
Only one way to find out. You can't fail. Because whole you're helping yourself you're winning.
Your questions show to me areas that you need to focus on. Foreseen obstacles and you can plan for those.
Not sure what yur brother concern is but I can't imagine he'd be upset that you've realised a weakness and doing something about it.
I daresay your work decisions can only improve with clarity. But only you know that.
So I'm glad you have these concerns but it gives me faith that you're thinking practically and clearly about it and the basic underlying question is simply, who am I without alcohol and will I like myself then?
Only one way to find out. You can't fail. Because whole you're helping yourself you're winning.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
It is great that you have entered a treatment program, and your questions show that you are thinking through steps you will need to take. I am sure part of your program will include both group and individual counseling, that would be a great time to ask some of those questions and share your concerns.
Looking forward to seeing you on SR!
Looking forward to seeing you on SR!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
How on earth am I going to tell my party going friends?
Why not stay away from them for now. What they think isn't important
How will my brother react?
He should support you. If you don't think he will, stay away from him a while too. Tell him its the holidays and you're spending time with your kiddo.
I have an important job - I make massive decisions on multi million £/$ contracts - I've been doing it under the influence - will I still be able to do that sober?
Logically your decisions will be much more sound sober
How am I going to fill the gap where my drunken nights used to be?
Spend time with family, start an exercise program, attend AA, do projects around the house. Learn to just 'be'.
What if I can't do it? With the amount i drink that will be a death sentence.
Tapering is very difficult. Enlist your wife to manage your alcohol intake. If that doesn't work seek further medical assistance. It won't get easier, only harder so now is the time. You can do this.
Why not stay away from them for now. What they think isn't important
How will my brother react?
He should support you. If you don't think he will, stay away from him a while too. Tell him its the holidays and you're spending time with your kiddo.
I have an important job - I make massive decisions on multi million £/$ contracts - I've been doing it under the influence - will I still be able to do that sober?
Logically your decisions will be much more sound sober
How am I going to fill the gap where my drunken nights used to be?
Spend time with family, start an exercise program, attend AA, do projects around the house. Learn to just 'be'.
What if I can't do it? With the amount i drink that will be a death sentence.
Tapering is very difficult. Enlist your wife to manage your alcohol intake. If that doesn't work seek further medical assistance. It won't get easier, only harder so now is the time. You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum Myfdeserveit!! 
For me I had to simply make it work, alcohol would eventually catch up with me in my life and Sobreity was more important than the worries of how Sober life was going to work.
The life we built ourselves around alcohol can be changed, we can build a new life, one with Sober activities and fun, with people who don't put alcohol at the centre of their universe and we can can continue to have productive and fulfilling jobs regardless.
You can do this, we all had to at some point take a leap of faith and trust everything was going to be alright, and it will be!!
For me I had to simply make it work, alcohol would eventually catch up with me in my life and Sobreity was more important than the worries of how Sober life was going to work.
The life we built ourselves around alcohol can be changed, we can build a new life, one with Sober activities and fun, with people who don't put alcohol at the centre of their universe and we can can continue to have productive and fulfilling jobs regardless.
You can do this, we all had to at some point take a leap of faith and trust everything was going to be alright, and it will be!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi myfdeserveit
I think all of us have felt those fears, or something like them.
I had to change or I'd die...in the beginning I just focused on one day at a time...after a while forever didn't seem so daunting.
I changed a lot of things in my life - a lot of my mates were alcoholics too who could not get on board with the new me - but I reconnected with a lot of old friends, and made new ones as a non drinker.
My family didn't understand much - but they did see I was happier and healthier sober so they got on board more or less. They seem to drink less themselves these days...
I'm way more capable and productive now. There is a transition period from drinker to non drinker where I was all thumbs and two left feet for a while but you get past that.
I became all all day everyday drinker by the end. I was that way for several years. That was 2007. If I can do this sobriety thing, I'm sure you can too.
and - my life expanded to not just fill that hole, but *heal* it...I have a life I love now
Take the leap
D
I think all of us have felt those fears, or something like them.
I had to change or I'd die...in the beginning I just focused on one day at a time...after a while forever didn't seem so daunting.
I changed a lot of things in my life - a lot of my mates were alcoholics too who could not get on board with the new me - but I reconnected with a lot of old friends, and made new ones as a non drinker.
My family didn't understand much - but they did see I was happier and healthier sober so they got on board more or less. They seem to drink less themselves these days...
I'm way more capable and productive now. There is a transition period from drinker to non drinker where I was all thumbs and two left feet for a while but you get past that.
I became all all day everyday drinker by the end. I was that way for several years. That was 2007. If I can do this sobriety thing, I'm sure you can too.
and - my life expanded to not just fill that hole, but *heal* it...I have a life I love now
Take the leap
D
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by myfdeserveit 
Lots of questions in my head.
Don't worry. Sobriety has a way of answering our drinking questions.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,462
Hello,
I am newly sober but had many of those same fears in the beginning. Like Dee said I really could only focus on one day at a time and then wake up and do it again. I will say that the things I worried about turned out to only be in my own head. Don't try to fix everything all at once. You get better little by little each day. For me it took realizing that I would never be cured, I would never be able to drink normally, it was behind me forever. It all starts with that first day
I am newly sober but had many of those same fears in the beginning. Like Dee said I really could only focus on one day at a time and then wake up and do it again. I will say that the things I worried about turned out to only be in my own head. Don't try to fix everything all at once. You get better little by little each day. For me it took realizing that I would never be cured, I would never be able to drink normally, it was behind me forever. It all starts with that first day
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 141
Thanks everyone. I have a 1 to 1 session tomorrow and am hoping to set a date for quitting full stop. To be honest, even though I'm dreading it I'm also looking forward to it. Now I've accepted I need to be sober I just want to get on with it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Oakland
Posts: 561
EXCELLENT QUESTIONS
I'll just speak to do - what will I do with my time? Soooo true. I realized after I quit that drinking filled so much dead space. I got antsy. I think that was good cause it lead me to wonderful adventures.
QUOTE=myfdeserveit;6215081]Its just over a week since I admitted I had lost control and told my wife and daughter I was going for help. I entered a treatment program on Monday but I'm not sober yet. I was drinking so much that they told me it was dangerous to stop, I have some medical training so i knew they were right. Instead I'm on a reduction program and should be posting my first sober day around this time next week.
I have to admit to feeling overwhelmed. Lots of questions in my head.
I'll just speak to do - what will I do with my time? Soooo true. I realized after I quit that drinking filled so much dead space. I got antsy. I think that was good cause it lead me to wonderful adventures.
QUOTE=myfdeserveit;6215081]Its just over a week since I admitted I had lost control and told my wife and daughter I was going for help. I entered a treatment program on Monday but I'm not sober yet. I was drinking so much that they told me it was dangerous to stop, I have some medical training so i knew they were right. Instead I'm on a reduction program and should be posting my first sober day around this time next week.
I have to admit to feeling overwhelmed. Lots of questions in my head.
- How on earth am I going to tell my party going friends?
- How will my brother react?
- I have an important job - I make massive decisions on multi million £/$ contracts - I've been doing it under the influence - will I still be able to do that sober?
- How am I going to fill the gap where my drunken nights used to be?
- What if I can't do it? With the amount i drink that will be a death sentence.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by myfdeserveit
What if I can't do it? With the amount i drink that will be a death sentence.
I hope that you stop and stay stopped.
M-Bob
Reach Out and Touch Faith
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
Posts: 3,871
How on earth am I going to tell my party going friends?
Thanks but I'm not drinking tonight. Would you llike to (insert non-alcoholic activity here). If they only want to party with booze perhaps a change of friends to people who care about all of you is in order
How will my brother react?
He will probably be glad to see you aren't continuing to injure yourself with alcohol. At the end of the day though, it is about you and no one else. You know what you need to do to start the healing process.
I have an important job - I make massive decisions on multi million £/$ contracts - I've been doing it under the influence - will I still be able to do that sober?
Most likely you'll be doing even better sober. You will have more wits about you and won't have to worry about loss of memory, slower thoughts and reflexes and so much more that your alcohol has done to you that you won't even realize until you quit. It was a wonderful feeling for me.
How am I going to fill the gap where my drunken nights used to be?
New activities, hobbies, find new music you enjoy listening to and try different hobbies from model building to cooking. I ended up coloring after being prompted by a friend who drew a beautiful mandala coloring book influenced by his work in the twelve steps. I also am learning to knit and learning Debian Linux on my $60 Raspberry Pi. Also taking some legal classes as I'm deciding whether I'm going to back to college for a new degree, this time to become a Paralegal with a BA in Legal Studies.
What if I can't do it? With the amount i drink that will be a death sentence.
No need to think in black and white. I used to be the Queen of that. How about "What if I need medical help to quit drinking?" You can quit, but might need medical help to protect yourself from side effects from your high alcohol use.
Here's a great chart to help you start to use words that aren't so self defeating. They can get the best of us down on ourselves.
SMART Recovery® - Exchange Vocabulary
Good luck! I'm rooting for you
Thanks but I'm not drinking tonight. Would you llike to (insert non-alcoholic activity here). If they only want to party with booze perhaps a change of friends to people who care about all of you is in order
How will my brother react?
He will probably be glad to see you aren't continuing to injure yourself with alcohol. At the end of the day though, it is about you and no one else. You know what you need to do to start the healing process.
I have an important job - I make massive decisions on multi million £/$ contracts - I've been doing it under the influence - will I still be able to do that sober?
Most likely you'll be doing even better sober. You will have more wits about you and won't have to worry about loss of memory, slower thoughts and reflexes and so much more that your alcohol has done to you that you won't even realize until you quit. It was a wonderful feeling for me.
How am I going to fill the gap where my drunken nights used to be?
New activities, hobbies, find new music you enjoy listening to and try different hobbies from model building to cooking. I ended up coloring after being prompted by a friend who drew a beautiful mandala coloring book influenced by his work in the twelve steps. I also am learning to knit and learning Debian Linux on my $60 Raspberry Pi. Also taking some legal classes as I'm deciding whether I'm going to back to college for a new degree, this time to become a Paralegal with a BA in Legal Studies.
What if I can't do it? With the amount i drink that will be a death sentence.
No need to think in black and white. I used to be the Queen of that. How about "What if I need medical help to quit drinking?" You can quit, but might need medical help to protect yourself from side effects from your high alcohol use.
Here's a great chart to help you start to use words that aren't so self defeating. They can get the best of us down on ourselves.
SMART Recovery® - Exchange Vocabulary
Good luck! I'm rooting for you
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
If during a time when my drinking wasn't out of control, but when I also realized that's where it was headed I asked questions like, "How am I going to explain to my friends why I drink so much and why I I get so crazy/angry/stupid when I drink, or that I probably won't see them that much because I'm too busy drinking?" "How am I going to do all the things I enjoy doing, or achieve all the dreams I have for myself if I continue to drink?" "How am I going to be productive at work, or even avoid getting fired if I continue to drink?" "How will my family react to my drinking, my missing important occasions with them, and my isolation from them and the rest of the world because I'm drinking?" "How badly will my health deteriorate, what kinds of diseases will I be vulnerable to, and how little time will I have before I die?" "How will I live with myself and eventually explain all the lies to my girlfriend and everyone else in my life?"
If I asked myself those questions before I lost control, I may not have had to worry about what would happen when I got sober.
If I asked myself those questions before I lost control, I may not have had to worry about what would happen when I got sober.
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