flame11

Thanks everyone for all the support and advice today...I've had a positive day. And yes thanks for the links berrybean really good and practical tips I will give a plan some serious thought and try to take some action. Soo pleased I jpines SR!

flame11

Thanks everyone for your support and advice I am soo pleased that I have joined SR it really has made a difference to how I've been feeling about my drinking. I have been keeping everything bottled up inside and this site has enabled me to start talking honestly about how I feel and helping me to see my drinking in a clearer light...rather then the constant battle I have going on inside my head which goes round and round! And eventually leads to a drink. I was offered a drink after work last night..intact a Co worker opened a bottle of beer for me and I said no thanks I really don't want one and I really felt ok doing that and it sort of came naturally to me I didn't even really think about drinking it! I have read the links about recovery plans Thankyou berrybean very helpful and practical tips. Thanks again everyone and I will continue posting a reading on here it's giving me strength to do this!

Delizadee

Welcome to the forum flame!

What hevyn and adeline said both ring pretty true for me too. I think a lot of us are in denial long before we end up here.

This is a good place to be. I read a lot before signing back up to SR. I found a lot I could Identify with here the second time around. And I knew, knew without a doubt I was totally licked by alcohol after 2 years and about 17 relapses and detoxes. I read all the stickies, a lot of the Best of SR, made myself a recovery plan. It's no sure thing until you find the strength to make a commitment to turning it into a sure thing with a strong plan and lots of support.

You are not alone. Glad you're here

nccal

That is EXACTLY how I feel... I couldn't have said it better myself. I've been trying to quit for a while - this is my third time - I've been going to meetings, etc. but my mind every few days will tell me that it's ok to drink, then I go out and buy a bottle... It usually happens at 9 or 10 pm - so I'm functional the next day... I live alone so I don't have anybody to keep me accountable - which probably doesn't help. I'm not at a bottom - and I don't want to have to wait to get to a bottom - nobody in my family or work knows about the problem...

But I'm new to this website as well... Best of luck to both of us, Flame! And thanks everybody for the tips.

MissPerfumado

Welome ncal! I live alone too. SR kept me accountable. It can be done!

Dee74

Welcome to SR nccal

Feel free to start your own thread if you like
D

flame11

Thanks Delizadee, I identify with you and especially the about the relapsing...this is what gets me down so much and makes me give up hope of ever recovering and becoming the person I really want to be. After I relapse I convince myself that my life is ok and I should just settle for how it is and how I am..but I know deep down that it isn't right for me. The drinking me and the sober me are like two different people and I really don't like the drinking me! When I'm drinking I'm not living I'm just desperately trying to keep my life together and my world becomes so small i d don't engage with people I'm always so tired and feeling ill and my brain just doesn't work! I don't know where I'm going with this...but I've had a good and sober day I've had some drinking thoughts but I recognised them and told them to shutup! and they did. Thanks fr the support.

flame11

Hi Nccal and welcome to SR, I hope you find this site helpful. I'm not at a bottom as such either but alcohol is ruining my life everyday and I've just had enough of it. Like someone said to me on this site...it isn't fun anymore it's a constant battle. Anyway keep trying and don't give up you can do this!

flame11

Hi, not had a drink for 3 days this is day 4...physically and mentally feeling better even though I haven't slept too well. However this is the point when I tell myself that I'm ok and I haven't got a drink problem I'm just suffering with anxiety and I need more positive poeple in my lifeIt's all going on in my head right now that's why I'm posting. I need to break this cycle . I'm not going to buy any wine today!!I'm going to go to bed sober tonight!!

ZenLifter

Hi Flame. It takes awhile for sleep to return to normal, so hang in there. Hoping you have a wonderful sober day. Congrats on day 4

flame11

Just realised...that's the denial I originally posted about!

Delilah1

Hi Flame,

Great job getting through the first few days. It took me a while for sleep to return to normal as well, but waking up sober even with limited sleep made the day go by so much easier as well.

I spent a lot of time on here those first few weeks. I also planned out the time I would normally be drinking with walks, yoga, the gym, journaling, activities with my kids, anything that kept my brain focused on something other than drinking.

I have been working on mindfulness this year as well, staying focused in the moment seems to help me.

Looking forward to seeing you on SR!

flame11

Thankyou Zenlifter, hope you're having a good day too.

flame11

Thanks Delilah, I've tried mindfulness in the past I've got a book on it I will have to dog it out and have a read. I've been swimming today as I'm a very keen swimmer. It's the evenings after work that I usually drink but it can also be on my days off and during the day time. I'm starting to think about putting things in place for these times. I used to do alot of running which I'm hoping to start again and also maybe a evening class or yoga. I love reading too. I know I need to get some plans in place. I'm also finding this site very helpful! And I didn't sleep well when drinking either used to wake up terrified with all these mad thoughts going round in my mind really scary. At least I'm not going through that!

MissPerfumado

Yep, a plan would certainly help with the evening time. That's what I had to do ... fill my evenings with a completely different routine to avoid getting triggered to drink. I started going to the gym every evening and then buying something healthy to eat, and then coming straight home and preparing it, and sitting down in front of my computer to read and post on SR. I had a little routine for when I walked through the door, putting all my things away and not just flopping down in front of the TV on the sofa (because that had been my drinking spot!). In fact I avoided watching TV on the sofa for the first 3 months and just substituted with SR! On weekends, I began little projects for the home, did a lot of running and yoga and went to the gym a lot. I also read a lot of recovery books ... that was great motivation.

All your plans for doing something else sound a lot similar to mine, in fact!

Please don't give into the AV telling you you can drink ... that's really just an obvious lie. Play the tape forward with that one ... you know where you will end up ... feeling sorry and ashamed and hungover.

Sleep will sort itself out too. It took my about a week to get a decent night's sleep.

flame11

Thanks Miss purfumado , sounds like you had all bases covered, did you actually physically write a plan out? And yeah sounds like we enjoy the same things. I think I can find enough stuff to do to full in my time and keep myself active and my brain occupied. I had a quick look at some suggestions on recovery books but I'm going to look again and order myself something..any suggestions from anyone would be appreciated. Also the AV concept is new to me...crazy since I've been doing this for along time but it's something I would like to have a better understanding of...any help with this would be good too...I am reading alot of stuff about recovery but it all takes awhile to sink in! :-) With me too it's about the people I have in my life, my mother is a drinker and I drink with her, my best friend is a drinker and I drink with him..i don't know what to do about this???

MissPerfumado

Yes, I physically wrote out a plan. It's in a little wire-bound notebook with a list of my contacts (people I can call to talk me out of drinking), a list of my triggers and techniques, a list of my daily, weekly, monthly things to do (meditation, yoga, counsellor, etc.) and a list of my goals for staying sober. The whole exercise was very helpful in getting me to think about what triggered me and what I could do to prevent it. I got many ideas from SR about what to do and also thought about hobbies I had stopped and would like to pick up again. I could tear pages out and start new lists if I wanted to tinker with it. I did retool it a little after about 2 months just to avoid complacency, update for new ideas and reflect my actual situation and discard anything that I thought I didn't need or wasn't using.

There is some science (neuropsychology) behind the idea that actually writing (not typing!) something helps our brain to remember it and to wire it into our psyche. It is connected to the science behind visualisation.

As for drinking with others, your plan could deal with that. I drank with my family often and I told all of them I was stopping. They still drink around me but they understand that I don't drink any longer. We are not drinking buddies anymore. If you need to avoid people for a while or just see them for less time than you used to until your sober muscles are stronger, you should consider that.

Under the Influence by Milam and Ketcham is a book I devoured in the first few days I was sober. It explained so much about the physiology of alcohol addiction. I realised from reading that book that I was probably physically different from "normal drinkers" and it helped me immensely to accept it and be grateful I could treat my affliction with abstinence.

flame11

I have a day off of work tomorrow so I will make a start on writing a plan out I agree that writing helps. This must sound ridiculous but I've never really thought about what my triggers are...is it things like familiar drinking situations/ habits..feeling anxious..feeling envious of people who can drink normally...feeling like I'm missing out...thinking I deserve a drink after work or after doing other daily chores,rewarding myself with alcohol...I'm not sure if that's right. And you mentioned techniques I don't know what that is either? However I will give it a go and I can defiantly write down practical things to do and I also have goals that I would like to achieve and lots of reasons to stay sober. I'll have a look online for the book too. Thankyou so much for taking the time to help me out it's really great of you and this site is helping me more than I ever thought it would ;-) I feel so grateful and abit overwhelmed by it all but in a very good way.

Berrybean

You sound pretty on the ball with regards to triggers to me. I reckon you're on the right track.

flame11

Thanks Berrybean :-) I'm going to make a start shortly...after I have consumed a few cups of coffee ! Also I see my therapist for the first re Wednesday and thought my plan might be something she could help me with too. Feeling positive today!