Madmills

Quick question for you all.....
Is there a correlation between needing acceptance from others and addiction? Is alcohol (or any type of addictive behavior) something folks turn to in an effort to fill that void? For me, they seem to go hand in hand. I know there are many reasons why folks use / abuse. Just wanted to get other perspectives on whether or not the "need for acceptance" was a topic you had to tackle on your way to getting healthy and staying sober.
Thanks.

Dee74

Hi madmills

you posted in our Forum Help and Troubleshooting section, so I moved your thread here

I think the void we try can fill can be many things, but it's certainly true I looked for validation from others for a long time.

My self worth was very much tied up with whether people seemed to like me or not.

Recovery has been good for me in that I've solved problems, and negotiated a lot of difficult periods, and that kind of growth has to have a positive effect on self esteem.

I have an internal self of self now that's not so much dependent on what others think of me

D

MissPerfumado

Alcohol gave me false confidence. I used to think I didn't care what anyone else thought, and that I didn't need their approval. Then I would go and lose my self in a couple of bottles of wine.

When I stopped drinking, the need for approval from other people came at me like a speeding locomotive out-of-the-blue.

It was just what other people here say ... when you sober up, you're socially and emotionally at the stage of development when you first started drinking. In my case, I was the 20-something, insecure yet intensely ambitious fresh graduate, who started to drink to gain confidence. Needing approval from peers, superiors, subordinates ... everyone basically.

I'm still working on it. But stopping drinking has given me a good foundation for a healthy sort of confidence, and I'm building that and tools like positive self-talk to reduce the negativity from approval-seeking tendencies.

Mountainmanbob

Yes, acceptance seems to not only be talked about much in sobriety but, also for most is a very important sober tool that one learns to use often.

The serenity prayer at many times will set the proper groundwork.

M-Bob

Oct142016

I think for me the "need for acceptance" is a at least a part of why I drank. I want people to like me, to appreciate me, to care about me.

I really do have low self esteem - probably from the thought that I am never good enough - never a good enough wife, mother, friend, sister, daughter, etc.

I do think a lot of times "I don't care what people think" but it might be a facade. I hate being criticized, judged, gossiped about and I am really not for want of that out here in the 'burbs with all the "perfect mommies".

I am trying hard to make my priorities my family at this point - because I know they love me - and do my best.

D122y

Mad,

Imo...drinking to excess routinely is.....addiction.

I rationalized other things...I am a party animal...I am on vaca...it is friday...my dog died...etc...but I was physically and mentally (still am) addicted.

It happens quicker than we think. The longer and harder we drink, the more the damage is done.

I don't think our maturity in dealing w life situations suffers to the point of 0 progress.

That would mean I would still act like a 5 year old. I would not have survived 20 years in the military like that. It def. does slow/alter interpersonal growth though.

I drank my hardest, almost always...alone. I really didn't care if anyone was w me.

Socially, I would usually have a few drinks, but when I was at my worst, I had already pre drunk and was planning to leave early enough to drink more...alone at home.

Drinking for me...was selfish....not social.

Thanks.

Madmills

Thank you for moving my post, - and also for your feedback. Much appreciated.

keeppushing

For me the need for social acceptance came from a fear of disapproval and a fear of abandonment. The drinking was (is) about self medicating and managing those fears, clearly in a very unhealthy way.