FreedomCA

Almost done with my 8th day of sobriety. I had 10.5 months abs relapsed at the end of June and was drinking a bottle of wine and vaping with medicinal cannabis for the last several months until I quit cold turkey 8 days ago. I was slowly beginning to see my life deteriorating, and I could just sense that something really bad was about to happen. I already feel a sense of freedom now that my worry is gone. I was so afraid that I could not quit again, but I finally was able to put the drink down when I started reading my AA literature again. I could not stop on my own prior to reading. My plan is to work the AA steps from a workbook, come on SR, continue to read the AA literature and listen to AA speakers from my iPhone app. I would like to attend at least 1 AA meeting each week and find a sponsor, although I have not done this yet. I very much want to stay sober because I am better off and I don't want to lose my family and career.

january161992

and my ...

health
spouse
house
friends
sanity
life

looks like your making a great start freedom

Dee74

Welcome to SR FreedomCA

D

teaorcoffee

Welcome

theVman31

Hi,
"I had 10.5 months abs" thats pretty encouraging. It says you have the will power and the desire to really kick this problem.
My personal experience is like yours periods of abstinence then relapse but i will never give up and i reckon this is the one (its my 11th day)

astik1

You managed 10.5 months. You have what it takes to stay sober & make it stick! Good luck on your journey!

FreedomCA

Yes, I have been at this for the past 15 years with periods of sobriety followed by relapses. It is so painful, though, to try and get back to sobriety, and I honestly was unsure I could do it this time without outside help, but I eventually did. I can't really afford another relapse, however, because my profession will not allow anymore problems with alcohol, which I had several months ago. Each relapse has been because I stopped doing the work in AA, so I know that if I really want to keep my career, the solution is there - continue to maintain and add to my spirituality by reading and getting involved. The ball is in my court, and so I will have no one to blame except for myself.

FreedomCA

I am very fortunate that something else really bad did not happen in the 3 months I continued to drink, as there was that potential for a disaster. Vaping with the medicinal cannabis did sort of save me by eliminating my cravings after one bottle which allowed me to stop, but it still was not a solution for long term living. Over 8 days ago I was so desperate to stop but just could not. I was in such a bad situation but could not really tell family and friends about it, and I sort of was praying just to die in my sleep. Then one day I took out my Living Sober and Daily Reflections books from AA, and something happened. It's like I was saved miraculously, and I was no longer playing roulette with my life anymore on a daily basis. Today after 8 days I have regained that sense of happiness and peace that I had at 10.5 months of sobriety. It's like I survived a burning building, and I am now so grateful.

theVman31

Sorry to tell you this Freedom but it is my experience :

"because my profession will not allow anymore problems with alcohol"

Your not doing this for your career or your profession.
Its your life and the life of all around you.

Believe me i've thought that too

Windancer

Greetings and welcome to SR

IHaveFaith2016

Welcome. Nice job on 8 days. Stick around here for support. Get back into AA and immerse yourself in that literature that you spoke of. You had 10.5 months, you can do it again.

DolAndel

It sounds like you have already done a lot of good work, Freedom. I'm sobering up from booze and weed and trying to salvage a career too. Be careful not to lean on the weed too much, it can cause withdrawals too which might complicate your recovery. Combined withdrawals are even less fun.

With everything you've got going on, have you looked into stress reduction/management techniques? It might help boost your relapse resilience.

Maudcat

Welcome. Good luck going forward.

entropy1964

Congrats and welcome. 8 days is great.

I would really suggest a sponsor while working through the steps. I am reminded of what someone said in a meeting last week. "AlcoholISM. I sponsor myself". The steps are designed to be taken with another alcoholic who has taken them before you. Just food for thought.

FreedomCA

Just to clarify, not smoking weed is also part of my 8 day sobriety, which means that I would reset my sobriety if I did smoke weed. I smoked weed when I was drinking to try and control my alcohol cravings, which partially worked.

FreedomCA

I am quitting alcohol because my whole life was beginning to cave in, and I knew that I needed to stop. But it was very scary to be told by my profession that I could not afford another problem with alcohol, whereas my family, friends, health, etc. had not given me such a direct warning yet.

August252015

Sounds like the time for an AA meeting is today. Then again. Then again....replacing future planning with doing now is part of the choice of sobriety and making it work.
Good luck.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum FreedomCA!!