winniegirl33

Hi everyone, I've been coming on here for a long time as a guest. I finally decided to join. I have 2 lives. In one of them, I'm a loving awesome mom who would never do anything nearly as stupid as the "other" me does! In my other life I Sta up till 4am hang out with degenerates and drink myself into an oblivion. I'm highly functional which is actually a curse BC it almost gives it a feeling like its normal. I've been really keeping myself in check but every now and again I just go on a massive bender for the night. Saturday I drank almost 5 bottles of wine (I did share some) anyway when my husband went to bed I stayed up all night with my 2 degenerate friends and acted the total fool. I'm so scared my amazing husband will find out and go totally apeshit. For some reason even though this isn't nearly the worst thing I've ever done In my drinking career its such a damn wakeup call. I never want to drink again. I've hated drinking for years yet I romanticize wine all the time. Its the devil and I want it out of my life. I can't even get out of bed BC of guilt shame depression the realization that this has to stop immediately. I haven't eaten since Friday I can't even think of food right now. I need some advise, I'm pretty fragile right now and want to do the right thing so badly in open to all ideas just take it easy on me guys just for today lol please I'm an emotional wreck right now. Thanks for reading. Have a great day!

Behappy1

I understand completely. I was a jekyll/hyde mom too when drinking. I hated that person, I hated who I became when drinking. The regret, shame, fear, anxiety always came the next morning.

You've taken the first step. Take it easy for the first few days, read, research and come up with a plan. You're giving yourself a second chance with sobriety. You're not alone.

thomas11

Its easy to beat yourself up right now, but its probably not the best thing to do. Short term, nurse yourself back to health. Long term, make a plan and remain determined to not let this happen again. Its been said a million times, but the more distance you put between yourself and your last bender, the easier it gets.

Soberwolf

Welcome Winniegirl

Anna

Alcoholism destroys everything about us and I think that's what you are finding now. I'm glad you posted and that you're ready to stop drinking and begin recovery. I think it's really important to have a plan in place for how you will proceed. And, for me, an important thing in the early days was to change my routine. Early evening was such a difficult time for me, so I went out and walked, and found amazing benefits.

january161992

hello winnie

winniegirl33

Thank you all even though u don't know me I know alot of u cause I've been a lurker for so long and I knew u were gonna tell me to make a plan lol after reading some of ur responses I got out of bed and tidied up the kitchen,cried for a few minutes and now I'm back in bed as my energy of completely depleted due to my lack of food but I did eat a few grapes. Right now I'm feeling like "u stupid girl u got the world by the balls and ur throwing it all down the drain" and I know its true and I keep asking myself WHY? I have alot of alcoholics in my life including my own mother. I know what effect that had on my childhood. I feel so overwhelmed which on top of the withdrawals which I've never had so bad before today is just enough to make me never want to leave this bed again!! But I also feel hope. Hopeful that I never have to go through this madness again. How do I get a plan I don't know? But I'm ready. I am at gods mercy this time. I will do whatever it takes.

Soberwolf

Don't beat yourself up x Im so happy you signed up

Simpleman1979

I could have written this post, I'm the exact same way (except I'm a male and don't have any children yet lol) Alcohol is indeed the devil, you are so very correct. I'm glad you have had enough, I'll be rooting for you

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Winniegirl!!