I'm in the lead for "ability to unravel entire life in nanoseconds". I win!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 1
I'm in the lead for "ability to unravel entire life in nanoseconds". I win!
Brand-new here. Things have become "that" bad...thx Captain Obvious. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I am doing. I sure as hell don't know what or how I used to do ANYTHING. My life is one bad decision away from over, not just in the poetic sense. I've managed to go from: high pay executive single hot mom miracle worker with a smile, to: off work 2yrs+ with major depression (GAF of 47 on independent evaluation) parenting a preschooler with mega behavioral issues whilst i hide from life don't talk don't leave bed don't eat don't sleep bankrupt almost getting evicted in 2weeks.
Wait........what?? Oh, and by the way, please if I could also manage to get hooked on coke somewhere in all that... that'd be great. Not just let loose have fun coke....no, the I do a gram a day everyday for over a year kind. That one!
I'm now supposed to start "getting better" says the insurance company.
Ummmm.......??????????
If not for my two girls, I'd have zero problems with a cardboard box and junkie status. I care that little. I hate myself and every single thing I see, say, do or want is literally pointless. So lost. So fast!
Wait........what?? Oh, and by the way, please if I could also manage to get hooked on coke somewhere in all that... that'd be great. Not just let loose have fun coke....no, the I do a gram a day everyday for over a year kind. That one!
I'm now supposed to start "getting better" says the insurance company.
Ummmm.......??????????
If not for my two girls, I'd have zero problems with a cardboard box and junkie status. I care that little. I hate myself and every single thing I see, say, do or want is literally pointless. So lost. So fast!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 6
Hey LostSpiral,
Welcome to the family.
You say that 'My life is one bad decision away from over' which could be true. But your life is also one good decision away from not being over.
Do you take any medication for your depression? Let me tell you as a former depressive and coke user that the coke will only make it worse. To constantly chase a type of high that is only created by snorting or injecting a drug is never going to get better until you stop.
You don't get to a high pay executive without having something about you. Come on, you can clearly turn this around, even if you think its too late!
Welcome to the family.
You say that 'My life is one bad decision away from over' which could be true. But your life is also one good decision away from not being over.
Do you take any medication for your depression? Let me tell you as a former depressive and coke user that the coke will only make it worse. To constantly chase a type of high that is only created by snorting or injecting a drug is never going to get better until you stop.
You don't get to a high pay executive without having something about you. Come on, you can clearly turn this around, even if you think its too late!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling so low. You've come to a place where you can find support and inspiration.
You must not give up. Have faith that you can change things. Your daughters need a mother, a sober mother and that's what you can focus on. Things will begin to work out as you begin to recover.
You must not give up. Have faith that you can change things. Your daughters need a mother, a sober mother and that's what you can focus on. Things will begin to work out as you begin to recover.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi and welcome LostSpiral 
I'm sorry for what brings you here but you've found a great place for support and understanding.
There's help available in the real world too
Have you tried something like NA, or a secular meeting based approach like SMART or Lifering?
D
I'm sorry for what brings you here but you've found a great place for support and understanding.
There's help available in the real world too
Have you tried something like NA, or a secular meeting based approach like SMART or Lifering?
D
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 847
Lost,
I'm truly sorry to hear this.
You have children, though, so you don't have much of a choice except to try and turn things around. Reach out to any family you may have, if that is an option for you.
You mentioned insurance and getting better. What does this mean? Was your insurance paying for some kind of treatment?
I'm truly sorry to hear this.
You have children, though, so you don't have much of a choice except to try and turn things around. Reach out to any family you may have, if that is an option for you.
You mentioned insurance and getting better. What does this mean? Was your insurance paying for some kind of treatment?
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,934
Welcome to SR!
Stick around this website, read and post a lot. It can really help. For me, the additional face to face support from some guys in AA really helped also. I was desperate as hell, until I got so fed up, that I made changes in my life.
You can too. You can recover!
Believe it or not, some day you might find yourself on this side of the keyboard sharing your experiences with others, helping them to become sober.
Stick around this website, read and post a lot. It can really help. For me, the additional face to face support from some guys in AA really helped also. I was desperate as hell, until I got so fed up, that I made changes in my life.
You can too. You can recover!
Believe it or not, some day you might find yourself on this side of the keyboard sharing your experiences with others, helping them to become sober.
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