steve-in-kville

This was me at the end... and every relapse thereafter! I was actually jealous of people in movies who could enjoy a bourbon and be done. I had to train my mind to understand it was fiction.

Verte

So goes the song of the EtOH Siren...to our collective demise.

Bruno1979

Incorrect

Cherrybreeze

The brain truly works differently for the addicted person. That has been proven.

I know when I was actively drinking/trying to control and moderate, I was with alcohol like I tend to be with everything else: if one is "good," more is "better." It's just the way I think and where my mind jumps to, no matter what the stimulus (even something stupid like tanning - if 10 minutes in the bed is good, 15 will be better...then I wonder why I have a sunburn).

Combine the above with what we are trying to chase: after an extended period of regular drinking (and over-drinking), we lose that feeling we're seeking...for me, it was relaxation, being able to open up, have fun, be social, etc. We forever want that back, and dupe ourselves into believing it is achievable.

Everyone is different, but these two things were huge for me.

EndGameNYC

Happy to be corrected. And that's why I used the word 'appear'. It's been tried hundreds of times here.

MIRecovery

If you figure that one out you would likely win a Nobel prize. The million dollar question that has yet to be answered. Personally I think it is a brain disorder that is amplified when alcohol is consumed but whatever it is I have it

Mountainmanbob

I believe that when I drink I drink as an alcoholic would and does drink.
I don't have all of the answers for this but, know it to be true in my case.
Actually, I have no desire to drink ever again, the desire is long gone.
I stay grateful for that because for me my drinking was a burden.
Well not only for me but, for the ones around me also.
I do believe there to be a time to grow up, booze didn't help with this.
MB

Bruno1979

I've probably tried it 100s of times myself too

keeppushing

I think that, as is made clear by all the replies, it differs for everybody. For me it quiets the pain. It doesn't fully numb it, so I keep going. I think that, for me, explains the relapses after a few weeks, I haven't learnt to deal with the pain and I can only white knuckle it for a few weeks.

The hole isn't in the side walk. It's in my chest.

Bruno1979

I think that the main thing is that we're all united in our belief that nothing good comes from drinking alcohol

Soberwolf

Best thing I do is stay focused on my recovery bud

Notimetoloose

Never have that first drink, never have the 1st one! So simple
Like many I have tried 100s of times as well;
I don't know what I expected, a different outcome, it never happens.