Optimini

That is interesting to hear, thank you! I felt a physical difference by week two, more so in week 3. Funny this is all mental and just popped up but it sounds like it could be a normal part of the process. Congrats on 45 days!

Optimini

Well, I actually did sign up for kickboxing. And it's not little cupcake classes, it's hardcore hitting the bag, doing lunges, squat jumps and then 5 minutes of straight abs at the end. I am proud of that.
I also rescued a dog, but then my older dog got pancreatitis, and it's been a little hectic and I've been sleep deprived but I think it will end up being ok.

Optimini

I really appreciate everyone's advice. EndGameNYC and Dee74, you guys are always great pillars of strength here.
Tonymblue - thanks for that chuckle.....before I came here, I was always starting day 1 in the morning, and then by evening I would reschedule day 1 for the next day.

OpioPhobe

Optimini - I struggle with enthusiasm around clean/sober time milestones too. If it wasn't for the newcomers I wouldn't even celebrate clean/sober time in meetings. People told me that it was meant to inspire the newcomer who is still struggling to make it through the day. When I think about it like that it helps me. Otherwise I can get in a funk where I start thinking that I should be feeling better at that point in my recovery, this isn't working, everyone is bullshitting me, etc. etc.

During some clean/sober time celebrations I felt fantastic. At 90 days, 9 months and 1 year I was on cloud nine. 1 year was the best because I could start getting with the ladies that had sponsors without hearing the "no relationship for the 1st year" card. I didn't even celebrate my 60 days or 6 months though because I was in a funk and didn't want to tell the crowd that I felt like **** that day. At 30 days I didn't even know what I felt because I was still in shock.

Congrats on your sober time. Don't give that time up for anything and things will be OK.

Delilah1

30 days is a big milestone, you have gotten through that first month and banked 4 weekends. I have a little over 8 months and I think there are ebs and flows in recovery. Try to flip your focus to recovery vs. not drinking. What does your recovery plan look like? I have found journaling, and exercise to help. I also try to focus on something I am grateful for each day, there is a gratitude link on here, maybe read through it a little and try posting some of the thinks you are grateful for.

You should be proud of your 30 days!!

MLD51

Recovery has its ups and downs. Just last month I went through a major funk - I really felt like my life was going nowhere. My pink cloud was gone. I had to work pretty hard to remind myself that things really are better in almost every way. But what I realized was that everyone goes through these "blah" times. Not just people in recovery. So it's normal! That made me feel better.

january161992

be sure to go to a meeting and get a 30 day chip to demonstrate to the newer comers that its possible to say sober that long

get into service

the whole idea is to get out of self by helping others

january161992

cwood3

what January said. I got my 30-day chip this morning. The lady sitting next to me is at 28 days today and she gave me a hug and high five. I will be there for her 30-day chip and she gets the same thing from me. That's how it works! And it does! You go get it!!!

Optimini

I appreciate all the advice. It's good to know I guess it's a normal feeling. I think I have a good recovery plan for not drinking, but might need to refocus on my self-development rather than the just not drinking aspect of it. I cannot attend AA, my husband will not let me. I thought about joining the last few years and he says it will be on my record, etc and he doesn't want that in our life. So this place, plus a 4 years+ sober friend I can chat or text with are my pillars. I do feel better today...it is odd to go through different blah feelings.
I guess because I've failed at so many things in the past I am shocked I even got here. I know I didn't plan to fail/relapse but I am still surprised I made it. I think what I like about sobriety is that every day I don't drink is a success, regardless of what life tosses my way. And I do have a big list of positives I recite to myself every day about the improvements I've experienced but I think I should write them down. The biggest thing I enjoy is being hydrated and waking up not puffy in the face. I haven't used eye drops in weeks, it's crazy to think my body was so thirsty on a cellular level that my friggin eyeballs were drying out.
And sorry this is all over the place, the new dog had me up 3xs last night and I am exhausted, which sucks to start my week this way but it's way better than a hangover.

MLD51

AA does not go on any kind of record. It's anonymous. There's nothing to join, you just show up. Are you sure that's his reason for not wanting you to go?

cwood3

OMG!!!!!! On your record...???? how does that happen? What does the last word of "AA" mean??? You could go and even he doesn't have to know. You're sure not gonna get busted by anyone from AA....there are no records....first names only.

Optimini

He is telling me if I go it's going to get recorded somewhere, and if something were to happen in the future, like legally or whatever, it would be found out and held against me.

Optimini

I don't want to make it sound like he's against my sobriety, he has helped. He still drinks, but he has cut way back and doesn't often drink at home anymore, which I appreciate. He's acknowledged how I feel about this, rather than dismissing it as a phase. BUT...he has some hang ups about it. For instance he cannot stand it when I talk about my AV or any other recovery terms. He really gets freaked out by it. I think it's kind of funny. He acts like I'm talking about ghosts or a haunting even, which I guess the AV can fit into that category IMO.

cwood3

He's absolutely wrong concerning AA. Plain and simple.

MLD51

It does not get recorded somewhere. At least not in my club, and I seriously doubt in any club. No one gives their whole name, and there is no sign-up sheet or anything. The whole point of it being called Alcoholics ANONYMOUS is that people should be able to go without anyone knowing outside of the people in the room. In very small towns sometimes word gets out, but you could always go to a different town where you won't know anyone. I think your husband is being overly paranoid, or he has some other reason for not wanting you to go.

Optimini

Sounds like you're right MLD51, at least I'll know this for the future. I don't feel I can really ask more of him right now given our circumstances, I'm happy with some of the changes he's made without me even needing to ask him.

january161992