Meraviglioso

I had a tough weekend here. Broke up with my boyfriend for good and it was more dramatic than I anticipated. I didn't know where to turn or what to do, I needed someone HERE, physically to talk to, hug me, anything. So I did as you all have suggested and reached out to some numbers I have from the few AA meetings I went to. Unfortunately we couldn't meet up but I promised them I would come back to the meetings.

They even said I could bring my kids if I couldn't find childcare. Though I don't really want them there listening to that kind of stuff- they are old enough to understand and I am not sure I want them to hear it all.

The thing is, and sorry, but this is the truth, I really don't get much out of the meetings. There are just 3 or 4 regulars reading passages from the big book. No step work/talk, no sponsors. I've asked before about getting a sponsor and working the steps but that didn't really go anywhere.
I am going to give it another try, if only to be able to be more of a regular so that if I have a need I feel better calling someone (I felt kind of bad calling this weekend as I hadn't been in so long.) I then think I'll attempt to do the steps on my own. I've got to do more work here to get out of just hanging on to being sober and make sure I am solidly working towards improving myself on a whole.

Anyway, thought I'd share as so many of you have encouraged me to do this. For that I thank you. I do hope it goes well. I'm going in with an open mind, even if I sound less than hopeful.

Meraviglioso

Please if any of you AA regulars have any advice to share I'd love to hear it. I really want to give this a try.

wehav2day

Mera, that meeting sounds kind of different to most. Is there another group near you that you can try?

I don't go to aa meetings very regularly, but I did do the steps and they helped me immeasurably. They were the missing piece for me to gain long term sobriety.

I met my sponsor here on sr. We couldn't meet face to face, so we skyped. It worked well because like you, I was sober for a while first. She and I talk online every day and while I don't see her in person, she and another woman I found here are my sober family.

Berrybean

When we ask someone to sponsor us, it needs to be a direct ask, one to one. When we share something in a meeting, people aren't supposed to comment back in what you shared. So I was just wondering if perhaps when you mentioned to them about sponsorship , whether this was done as part of formal share time. If so, you may behave more luck just talking directly to someone there who you can imagine working with one to one, who has good quality sobriety (ie they seem sane and content most of the time, but can talk about it when they aren't feeling great).

If you want to explore the steps more on an individual level, you can always make use of the speaker tapes step by step along with the 12 and 12. I have heard of people going on 12-step retreats to complete the steps as well. This isn't always seen as ideal (as it must be a little rushed) but at least it would get you started, and maybe give yourself a break from all that it going on if that is a possibility for you.

But I suppose, much as anything, don't try to overtook things til you've been going again for a little while. Give it some time.

Here's the link for the speaker recordings. ... 5500+ AA Speakers & Tapes - Organized & Mobile-Friendly!

Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB x

Bunny211

Are there any STEP meetings where you are?
12 x 12 meetings
Big Book Step Study meetings

Message me and let me know where you live in Italy and perhaps I can help. I know a lot of different step study groups, Hyannis, Atlantic, Pacific, Beacon, Prime Time etc.

Meraviglioso

That's the thing, there is only one meeting a week- this is it. I did directly (well, via SMS) ask a woman to be my sponsor and help me with the steps and she said the only step we need to concentrate on is step 1. So I don't know. I guess they do it differently here. I did ask her when I was full on drinking still so maybe if I ask again something will have changed.

Berrybean

Well, it's always one step at a time. Why not have another chat with her. Face to face to avoid misunderstandings as far as possible.

tomsteve

that's a toughy there, mera. if ya think about it, reading passages is talk about stepwork.
however
it does seem to be more understandable when people share how to apply it or how it applies to life.
however
how long has it been since you've been to meetings and how many times did you attend?

Anna

I have no advice Mera, but I'm glad you're continuing to reach out and work on your recovery.

wpainterw

Mera:
Do you live near any metropolitan areas of Italy? Places which might offer a wider variety of AA meetings? If one were like only a half an hour's drive away, or maybe a little more. this might be a good thing to explore. Also this website, SoberRecovery, has AA meeting like chat groups accessible by internet. Why not ask Dee about it. Finally there is a person called Augustine1 in New York who has some anxieties about entering a rehab tomorrow. I suggested that she contact you as to your successful rehab experience. And perhaps it would help you a little to be able to help her. You might consider sponsoring her and you both might learn by doing. Get well together! Good luck!

Bill

Mountainmanbob

Still attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings after 8 years soberand I believe they have helped me to stay sober if only for that reason I keep going Bob

sugarbear1

Sounds like she wants you to start at the beginning. Step 1.

Some people can work the steps more slowly, for more impact, especially if their bottom is kinda high....

just a guess as to what this woman was referring to. Maybe give her a call for more of an explanation?

wpainterw

Actually she may have had a point. Step 1 is the big one. The big step, known as the Hillary Step, comes just before the summit of Mt. Everest. In contrast to that the big one in AA comes at the very beginning. It's when you reach the point where you throw up your hands and say, "I'm so miserable that I'll do anything, anything to get on the path to sobriety!" It took me so long to get there!
Does your friend know that you've been to a rehab, that you may have done one or more steps there.? The rehab I was at took me through the fourth step. I continued with AA for years and have not had a drink since (28 years now).

Bill

Dee74

I'm glad you're reaching out too Mera

D

Meraviglioso

Well, I'll go to the meeting tonight. I have spoken to my children's father about this and he is supportive. He obviously knew about the rehab and I told him about my slip and that is scared me enough to want to bulk up my recovery. I also explained that I was so sad and hurting this weekend and had absolutely no one to call- I want to build up a network of support, even if just two or three people, I can call if that happens again. So, he is going to keep the kids tonight. It is just not something I can count on every week, but I'll try to find a baby sitter or someone I can pay to come.

As for meetings elsewhere. Yes, sure, there are meetings in the larger towns, even English speaking meetings but I simply cannot commit 5-6 hours to going to a meeting, I can't. I know someone is going to come on here and give me some heat for talking about "what [I] can't do" but for real, 5-6 hours is a lot. Plus so many of these meetings happen at night. The night is the worst time with me for taking care of the kids (would be better when they were in school), I also have trouble seeing while driving at night so don't want to be on the autostrada at 160km and hour late at night and also really don't want to be on a 2 hour train ride by myself late at night.

So, all that said, for now I feel like going to my local (the nearest town away from my village) meeting is what I am going to start with. If it doesn't work and I feel myself slipping I'll look into something else. But this is where I went before and this is where I'd like to return. I really admire this one young girl who has 9+ (almost 10 now) years of sobriety and I'd like her to sponsor me and help me with the steps. She is more or less my age, very nice, funny, down to earth.

We will see. In any case, I have childcare arranged for tonight and I'll have a late afternoon coffee so I can stay awake until it starts/ends!

Berrybean

Well, that sounds very positive anyway. And you never know, she might be happy to meet a couple of times a week for step work and general support and fellowship.

If it's a general share meeting, there may well be little mention of the steps. But that doesn't mean people don't do them. They just do that stuff on their own outside meetings. Hopefully that girl will be able to guide you through the steps so you can do your daily work as well.

Go for it.

Meraviglioso

Thanks BB, I've also been meaning to mention how much I appreciate your posts. I'm not an "AA person" (yet!) and there are a lot of other "non AA" people here, but you always come in and share your experience and advice kindly and thoroughly without ever being pushy or preachy. It is really admirable and makes AA even more attractive than when it feel pushed or forced.
Thanks for your contributions.

Berrybean

Thank you. That's so kind x

Meraviglioso

I totally mean it BB, I don't know much about AA, but I do know that one of the rules or whatever they are called is about promoting AA through living the example, not pushing it on anyone and you are the epitome of this. You are the type of person that could truly turn someone on to the program by living the example of success it brings.

Soberwolf

Best wishes Bella