Higher Power Hide and Seek
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
It made little difference what or who my HP was when I started as it continues to evolve. Anecdotally, I will say I don't know anyone with at least a few years of sobriety whose HP is doorknob.
If you can't decide, you can borrow mine until you find one that's suitable. The God of my (mis)understanding leads me to the great reality inside each of us.
You're comments reminded me of this story;
When I was young, my Grandmother, my spiritual guide, would often tell just such a story, not only to entertain but to convey the essential truths of living. Perhaps I had asked her, as revered teachers in every religion have been asked, “What happens in the spiritual life? What are we supposed to do?”
The story of the elephant sculptor
In ancient India lived a sculptor renowned for his life-sized statues of elephants. With trunks curled high, tusks thrust forward, thick legs trampling the earth, these carved beasts seemed to trumpet to the sky. One day, a king came to see these magnificent works and to commission statuary for his palace. Struck with wonder, he asked the sculptor, “What is the secret of your artistry?”
The sculptor quietly took his measure of the monarch and replied, “Great king, when with the aid of many men I quarry a gigantic piece of granite from the banks of the river, I have it set here in my courtyard. For a long time I do nothing but observe this block of stone and study it from every angle. I focus all my concentration on this task and won’t allow anything or anybody to disturb me. At first, I see nothing but a huge and shapeless rock sitting there, meaningless, indifferent to my purposes, utterly out of place. It seems faintly resentful at having been dragged from its cool place by the rushing waters. Then, slowly, very slowly, I begin to notice something in the substance of the rock. I feel a presentiment…an outline, scarcely discernible, shows itself to me, though others, I suspect, would perceive nothing. I watch with an open eye and a joyous, eager heart. The outline grows stronger. Oh, yes, I can see it! An elephant is stirring in there!
“Only then do I start to work. For days flowing into weeks I use my chisel and mallet, always clinging to my sense of that outline, which grows ever stronger. How the big fellow strains! How he yearns to be out! How he wants to live! It seems so clear now, for I know the one thing I must do: with an utter singleness of purpose, I must chip away every last bit of stone that is not elephant. What then remains will be, must be, elephant.”
Finally, my experience is that my HP found me ultimately.
If you can't decide, you can borrow mine until you find one that's suitable. The God of my (mis)understanding leads me to the great reality inside each of us.
You're comments reminded me of this story;
When I was young, my Grandmother, my spiritual guide, would often tell just such a story, not only to entertain but to convey the essential truths of living. Perhaps I had asked her, as revered teachers in every religion have been asked, “What happens in the spiritual life? What are we supposed to do?”
The story of the elephant sculptor
In ancient India lived a sculptor renowned for his life-sized statues of elephants. With trunks curled high, tusks thrust forward, thick legs trampling the earth, these carved beasts seemed to trumpet to the sky. One day, a king came to see these magnificent works and to commission statuary for his palace. Struck with wonder, he asked the sculptor, “What is the secret of your artistry?”
The sculptor quietly took his measure of the monarch and replied, “Great king, when with the aid of many men I quarry a gigantic piece of granite from the banks of the river, I have it set here in my courtyard. For a long time I do nothing but observe this block of stone and study it from every angle. I focus all my concentration on this task and won’t allow anything or anybody to disturb me. At first, I see nothing but a huge and shapeless rock sitting there, meaningless, indifferent to my purposes, utterly out of place. It seems faintly resentful at having been dragged from its cool place by the rushing waters. Then, slowly, very slowly, I begin to notice something in the substance of the rock. I feel a presentiment…an outline, scarcely discernible, shows itself to me, though others, I suspect, would perceive nothing. I watch with an open eye and a joyous, eager heart. The outline grows stronger. Oh, yes, I can see it! An elephant is stirring in there!
“Only then do I start to work. For days flowing into weeks I use my chisel and mallet, always clinging to my sense of that outline, which grows ever stronger. How the big fellow strains! How he yearns to be out! How he wants to live! It seems so clear now, for I know the one thing I must do: with an utter singleness of purpose, I must chip away every last bit of stone that is not elephant. What then remains will be, must be, elephant.”
Finally, my experience is that my HP found me ultimately.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by Darwinia 
Great anecdote Fly. Perhaps I should just wait. Patience is an elusive virtue I would do well to aquire.
Best of luck to all of us on our continuing journeys ........
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I remember wondering and wondering and questioning and questioning.
One day as I drove to work along a big stretch of road the sun came up. Just enough to turn what had been darkness to half light. I could suddenly see what had been there all the time. And for some reason at that moment the question occurred to me, " what makes YOU think that, out of the entire human race, for all time, that YOU will be the one to figure this conundrum out to any degree of certainty? There is stuff there that YOU CAN'T SEE!" So, my HP for the sake of AA and my step work became, at that point anyway, 'The great unknown ' (or I suppose, my final willingness to accept some degree of humility, in that, maybe I just don't know stuff, so other people might be able to help me. This might seem obvious to you mere mortals, but as a super-sonic-thinker, I'd always presumed I'd been born knowing everything. That was a massive turning point for me as I became teachable, which I don't think I had been up to that point).
One lady I know says that her HP is her conscience. That little voice inside that she'd ignored for decades. Other people have Nature or The Bigger Picture (ie the whole story, beyond ourselves and what we can't understand or know).
Why not ask some of the people in your home group what their HP is like and how they decided on one? It's a great way to get to know people better. I take it that you've had this conversation with your sponsor.
The other thing that might help would be reading and rereading Step 2 from the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions book.
https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&so...xneYdudOVBPLRQ
Also, there are some great threads and links on the 12-step area under step 2 which might help. Sorry if you've already been there and read those, but ut took me a little while to find those sub-groups so I never presume that others have found them... Step 2 - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
There are also lots of AA speaker recordings that discuss Step 2 which could be useful to explore... AA Step 2 Speaker Tapes | RecoveryAudio.org
Wishing you all the best for your recovery and your search for your HP.
One day as I drove to work along a big stretch of road the sun came up. Just enough to turn what had been darkness to half light. I could suddenly see what had been there all the time. And for some reason at that moment the question occurred to me, " what makes YOU think that, out of the entire human race, for all time, that YOU will be the one to figure this conundrum out to any degree of certainty? There is stuff there that YOU CAN'T SEE!" So, my HP for the sake of AA and my step work became, at that point anyway, 'The great unknown ' (or I suppose, my final willingness to accept some degree of humility, in that, maybe I just don't know stuff, so other people might be able to help me. This might seem obvious to you mere mortals, but as a super-sonic-thinker, I'd always presumed I'd been born knowing everything. That was a massive turning point for me as I became teachable, which I don't think I had been up to that point).
One lady I know says that her HP is her conscience. That little voice inside that she'd ignored for decades. Other people have Nature or The Bigger Picture (ie the whole story, beyond ourselves and what we can't understand or know).
Why not ask some of the people in your home group what their HP is like and how they decided on one? It's a great way to get to know people better. I take it that you've had this conversation with your sponsor.
The other thing that might help would be reading and rereading Step 2 from the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions book.
https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&so...xneYdudOVBPLRQ
Also, there are some great threads and links on the 12-step area under step 2 which might help. Sorry if you've already been there and read those, but ut took me a little while to find those sub-groups so I never presume that others have found them... Step 2 - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
There are also lots of AA speaker recordings that discuss Step 2 which could be useful to explore... AA Step 2 Speaker Tapes | RecoveryAudio.org
Wishing you all the best for your recovery and your search for your HP.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 322
I have been reading this post. Last week at AA we had a discussion about the "higher power" vs. God thing. Yes AA is spiritual, not religious. Some people self define their higher power of "god of their understanding". Atheists are as welcome as anybody. I just want to make sure.........I do believe in God. I believe that when I pray, He listens....doesn't always act, but listens. So relative to Step 2, am I OK with my "higher power" being God?
I sure hope so.
I sure hope so.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by cwood3
I have been reading this post. Last week at AA we had a discussion about the "higher power" vs. God thing. Yes AA is spiritual, not religious. Some people self define their higher power of "god of their understanding". Atheists are as welcome as anybody. I just want to make sure.........I do believe in God. I believe that when I pray, He listens....doesn't always act, but listens. So relative to Step 2, am I OK with my "higher power" being God?
I sure hope so.
I sure hope so.
But lots of other people's will be different to yours. Some will be the same, and that's fine. It's all fine, except for if we thinkWE are the HP.
NA Member - Atheist
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Middletown CT USA
Posts: 770
Early in recovery I wrestled mightily with this concept.
I felt better (if slightly bemused) when a man with over 20 years clean whom I respected immensely told me that it took him 8 years to come to a real solid understanding of his HP.
The power of my understanding is multifaceted, and a bit hard to pin down entirely. The idea that this power can restore me to sanity gives me a clue.
A part of it is the fellowship. Not everything you hear at a meeting is of recovery. (Not everyone there, clean/sober or not, is engaging in recovery either). However, when I listen, I always hear the message somewhere. I can identify with others, I am reassured that I am not the only one who thinks and feels like I do, and I am given hope that I can change via the examples of a others. - "The fellowship" certainly does not end at meeting's end. I have a small group of people whom I respect and who have my best interests at heart that I talk to.
A large part of the power of my understanding is the process of recovery itself and the 12 steps of NA/AA. Meetings aren't the process of recovery. Stories about our past aren't recovery. The steps are. A new way of life is. Not in a cult-like manner, but in a fundamental shift in how I behave and how I perceive and respond to life and to my thoughts and emotions. More than anything else, that ongoing process makes up the bulk of the power of my understanding, but the other facets aren't merely adjuncts.
I used to abhor the acronym "G.ood O.rderly D.irection, but as it turns out, it is an apt descriptor of a part of the power of my understanding. Sometimes it comes from a random person in the fellowship, sometimes from one (or more!) of that group of peers, and often from my sponsor. A good deal of time the NA literature speaks to me and I find my guidance there. - Many times "the message" is all around me and can be verbalized by someone at work or a friend outside of recovery.
I've also found that spiritual principles (or if you prefer, ethical principles) are an important part of the power of my understanding. "humbly asking" the power of my understanding to remove my shortcoming of excessive and wrathful anger often ends up with me being honest about why I am angry and what my part of it is, as well as practicing compassion, empathy, patience, tolerance, and acceptance. - Recovery isn't magical.
There is also that part of the power greater than myself that lives within me. The voice of my conscience and the mindset of the ideal self that I strive to be speak to me a lot. Listening to that voice and following that direction when I don't want to produces good results.
I have a pretty accurate litmus test for differentiating between the will of the power of my understanding and "my will". - If it is good for me in the long run (even if it doesn't feel good in the moment), and if it makes it more likely for me to be able to look in the mirror and to sleep at night, it's a good chance it's "gods will". If it will tend to make me feel bad in the long run, (but will probably feel great in the moment), if it will cause damage to me and those around me, and if it will make it harder for me to look in the mirror and to sleep at night, it's probably "self will". Running it by my sponsor and the group of people that I trust makes sure that I'm not steeped in self deception (which I excel at).
The interesting thing is my "god" tends to work much like the god of my friends in recovery. The fact that they believe that there is someone or something behind the veil directing the show, (pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!) and I don't think there is any sentient force pulling the levers makes no difference. The result in our lives is the same.
You have lots of time to figure this out for yourself. Good chance you'll refine it over time.
I felt better (if slightly bemused) when a man with over 20 years clean whom I respected immensely told me that it took him 8 years to come to a real solid understanding of his HP.
The power of my understanding is multifaceted, and a bit hard to pin down entirely. The idea that this power can restore me to sanity gives me a clue.
A part of it is the fellowship. Not everything you hear at a meeting is of recovery. (Not everyone there, clean/sober or not, is engaging in recovery either). However, when I listen, I always hear the message somewhere. I can identify with others, I am reassured that I am not the only one who thinks and feels like I do, and I am given hope that I can change via the examples of a others. - "The fellowship" certainly does not end at meeting's end. I have a small group of people whom I respect and who have my best interests at heart that I talk to.
A large part of the power of my understanding is the process of recovery itself and the 12 steps of NA/AA. Meetings aren't the process of recovery. Stories about our past aren't recovery. The steps are. A new way of life is. Not in a cult-like manner, but in a fundamental shift in how I behave and how I perceive and respond to life and to my thoughts and emotions. More than anything else, that ongoing process makes up the bulk of the power of my understanding, but the other facets aren't merely adjuncts.
I used to abhor the acronym "G.ood O.rderly D.irection, but as it turns out, it is an apt descriptor of a part of the power of my understanding. Sometimes it comes from a random person in the fellowship, sometimes from one (or more!) of that group of peers, and often from my sponsor. A good deal of time the NA literature speaks to me and I find my guidance there. - Many times "the message" is all around me and can be verbalized by someone at work or a friend outside of recovery.
I've also found that spiritual principles (or if you prefer, ethical principles) are an important part of the power of my understanding. "humbly asking" the power of my understanding to remove my shortcoming of excessive and wrathful anger often ends up with me being honest about why I am angry and what my part of it is, as well as practicing compassion, empathy, patience, tolerance, and acceptance. - Recovery isn't magical.
There is also that part of the power greater than myself that lives within me. The voice of my conscience and the mindset of the ideal self that I strive to be speak to me a lot. Listening to that voice and following that direction when I don't want to produces good results.
I have a pretty accurate litmus test for differentiating between the will of the power of my understanding and "my will". - If it is good for me in the long run (even if it doesn't feel good in the moment), and if it makes it more likely for me to be able to look in the mirror and to sleep at night, it's a good chance it's "gods will". If it will tend to make me feel bad in the long run, (but will probably feel great in the moment), if it will cause damage to me and those around me, and if it will make it harder for me to look in the mirror and to sleep at night, it's probably "self will". Running it by my sponsor and the group of people that I trust makes sure that I'm not steeped in self deception (which I excel at).
The interesting thing is my "god" tends to work much like the god of my friends in recovery. The fact that they believe that there is someone or something behind the veil directing the show, (pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!) and I don't think there is any sentient force pulling the levers makes no difference. The result in our lives is the same.
You have lots of time to figure this out for yourself. Good chance you'll refine it over time.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: SE USA
Posts: 599
I really struggled with this as well. I was going to figure out the higher power and then work the steps. At around 3 months I just gave up and started working the steps with no clear definition of my higher power. That was 2 years ago and I have not had any inclination to drink whatsoever. Living like this is truly the "softer, easier way". And guess what. I still don't have a clear definition of my higher power.
Also, as far as number 1 goes, if the people at your meetings are just telling drunk stories have you considered trying some other meetings? I had to try several different ones before I found a good recovery focused one.
Also, as far as number 1 goes, if the people at your meetings are just telling drunk stories have you considered trying some other meetings? I had to try several different ones before I found a good recovery focused one.
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