Stewy84

Just found out I didn't get the job I attended an assessment centre for on Friday. 3 got it, 1 didn't. I was the one. I broke down in tears outside my house this morning whilst talking to my neighbour.

It was just another thing on top of this stupid situation with my girlfriend (or ex, or whatever)

She says she's confused, she says she can't live with me. I'm going to have to walk away aren't I?

Knowingly or unknowingly she is messing me up big time

strategery

As others have suggested, go the non-contact route. She can only mess with you if you let her.

There is no reason you have to put up with her being confused and her toying with your emotions. It's not fair to you.

firstymer

This particular job is not as important as your sobriety.

Your ex-girlfriend is not as important as your sobriety.

Nothing is as important as your sobriety.

Remember that, and I think everything else stays in perspective.

Stay strong, my friend. You are on the right path.

Stewy84

I've just let things run away with me to the point were I'm thinking about her / the situation non stop.

How do I get out of it? It's like the addiction to alcohol!

AdelineRose

How do you get out of it? You take charge of YOUR life and you make YOUR life the way YOU want it.

Sure that is easier said than done, but it is time to take charge, put the work in, and do not let anyone stand in your way.

It always stinks not to get the job, so what do you do? Apply, apply, apply! Keep applying until you do get a job, you can do this! Everyone has those moments where they are the one person that doesn't get picked out of the group, next time maybe that one person will be someone else and you will be one of the few chosen! If you refuse to give up then things will eventually work out for you.

As for your gf/ex...I think you know what to do with that one. You might not want to do what you know needs to be done, but the sooner you go no contact the sooner you will be able to stop the obsessive thoughts. Someone that loves you will stand by you and help you better yourself, she does not fit that mold, she is bringing you down and causing you pain. She is not worth jeopardizing your sobriety, no one is.

Refuse to give up! You are worth it, and you can create the life you want and deserve, it just might take longer then you initially wanted.

Stewy84

She only wants the house we shared, she's saying exactly the same stuff as she was 2 months ago, you're selfish, you're too selfish for me, you've ruined my life, you're not right for me.

She's saying that to demonstrate that I can be selfless I should move out of the house and in with my parents to let her be in the house, it's ridiculous

The job rejection did hit me and harder because of all the other stuff going on too.

It is not my fault she hasn't moved forward in 2 months

PurpleKnight

Sounds like a tough situation Stewy.

I've been on the wrong end of both relationships and job decisions, the most important thing is to protect your Sobriety at all costs.

Hang in there!!

Stewy84

I'm trying, I'm thinking more and more about drinking and slipping into oblivion for a while.

This situation with my girlfriend is breaking me.

firstymer

Stewy, that is your AV talking. Don't be fooled. We all get urges to drink. And it is easy, and convenient, to use whatever is stressing us out as the excuse to drink. But you know, and we know, that no event, no stress, and no person makes us drink.

YOU are in charge, Stewy. AdelineRose is right. YOU get to decide what direction your life goes. You've already been down the alcohol road. And that didn't go well. So take charge, stay on the path that you are on, and keep moving forward.

And if you are right now fighting a craving, eat something, get out of the house and do something. Call a friend or sponsor and tell them how you are feeling. Log in to the chat room.

You have 100 good choices you can make. Don't make the 1 bad choice that will take you backwards.

We believe in you. Stay strong.

MidnightRider

Stewy - Sorry about the job. But as others have said there will be other opportunities.

GF or EX GF.... You were not married. So move on and she should do the same. Couples break up ... it's normal. It's hard... it's emotional, people hurt. But this is not a matter that should make you drink.

The house....Do you own it or her. Or is it joint ownership?
Does she have legal ownership to the house in some way?

If so.... you should speak to a lawyer and real estate professional.

It is not fair if you or her to live there if it is joint ownership... unless the one living there is paying the other person extra for the right to live there. Then it would be a legal document.

You need to get a lawyer and make this priority.
If you dont own together... then disregard.

Stewy84

It's joint ownership and that's what one of the big problems is. I can afford to live here own my own and would be happy to buy her out

She is insistent in paying for the mortgage and bills but living elsewhere. I have said we need to sort something but she's in a mess

Dee74

You wouldn't be the first person to realise a relationship was not unlike your other addictions.

I think Strats advice is good. Go no contact for a while. You don't need to do anything right now, except get out of this obsessional spiral.

I'm sorry about the job, but there will be others, yeah?

D

Stewy84

Yeah there will be others. It was the classic put all your eggs in one basket situation but I'm ok this morning. At least I have a job to go in to!

I'm going no contact, I have to for my own peace of mind

City

Drinking will make things worse. Concentrate on your sobriety. Bum sorry about the troubles you are facing now but alcohol will make your life a lot worse. Be strong!

Delilah1

Hi Stewy,

Glad you have decided to go no contact. At some point you are going to need to talk to a lawyer about the house, she may be paying half of the bills because she still wants to maintain joint ownership of the house.

As for the job, use this as a chance to grow and prepare for the next opening. Is there someone at the assessment center you can speak with to see what you would need to do differently/something you can work on?

Stewy84

Delilah I didn't even want it to end up this way with having to discuss about the house. It's heartbreaking. It's my home, I don't want to leave and I've worked hard on it and don't want to sell up either.

Why do things have to be this way? It's horrible

Lightning Bug

Things aren't always going to be horrible. You are creating a new sober life. There are uncomfortable things that have to be dealt with and if you remain true to your recovery plan then it will be easier to deal with them. Glad you set up boundaries with the ex. Sending you strength now to deal with the house.

Stewy84

I just can't go on staying in touch with her on an informal basis. It's tearing me to shreds

Anna

Stewy, I really think going no-contact is the best thing now. It's unfortunate that the home ownership is causing problems for you both, but you will be able to get through this. Have you considered talking to a lawyer to help you deal with the house?

PrinzessinD

Breaking up with people is the worst. It is like an addiction when they are gone that is all you think about. However, if you keep going back to them you open that wound again. It's kinda like alcohol, if you try and stop and then have that "one drink" you open that door and wound again. It's easier said than done, I would go the no contact route and not drink and let your soul heal. If you keep drinking and talking to her, you are just tearing off a scab over and over. Just let it heal. The best revenge is to be good to yourself and respect your body and mind.