Mandy73

I am no stranger to alcoholism, it has plagued me for decades. I've been reading here awhile and part of my new strategy is to read the forums every day and today decided I'm making a post.
I've struggled so long and honestly I'm just so TIRED!
It's truly exhausting living this life , drinking, hangovers, feel better, do it again, and again and again.
I've had periods of sobriety in my life, I'm fighting to get that back.
I have a lot of stress, a lot of hurt and disappointment, don't we all, but I'm trying to just take each day as it comes.
I'm scared.
Tired.. The AV is incredibly strong. I want more than this, half a life wasted in a bottle, the other half has to be better.
Ty for listening to my rambling

ToBeHappier

Glad you are here and that you posted. Sounds similar to a post I did a few weeks ago so it sort of hit home with me. Here's to getting less tired.

PrinzessinD

I wasted 10 years in the bottle, I can't do it anymore. My kidneys started to hurt and I'm only 35. I had to make a change, I'm new in recovery, but I feel so much better. Good luck with your endeavour, you can do this.

Mountainmanbob

As you already know -- it will be much better if you keep the plug in the jug.

That's where the good life starts for the drunk.

Good luck,
M-Bob

AdelineRose

I felt so tired of the constant cycle too, I was almost too tired with life in general and even though I knew life would be so much different sober, I thought I was too tired and too beaten to even attempt to help myself.

YOU CAN DO IT! Make a plan- start making change after change until when you look back at it you have changed your entire life. You won't get better over night- but each change will bring you closer and closer to mental and physical health. I know it seems daunting, I know it can be scary and hard- but I think you already know it will be something you NEVER regret if you pull all your energy together and start fighting for you life- IT WILL PAY OFF.

Soberwolf

Hi Mandy73

Mountainmanbob

I hear it said so often in the rooms of recovery, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Man oh man did I relate to that.

M-Bob

REsoberALITY

Hello and Welcome. We understand.... We all understand this cycle. Wishing you so much patience and strength on this journey.

Anna

Hi Mandy, This disease of alcoholism is terrible to deal with, but have faith that you can recover and live the life that you want and deserve. We do understand how difficult this is.

Optimist4ever57

Welcome, Mandy. You've made a great first step by posting. There are so many people here to support you and help you in your journey. Keep posting and reading. Nice to have you here!

D122y

Mandy,

Hi and welcome.

Drinking started out fun, but after years of use and abuse my body and mind started to go.

Now the problem is, I was/am addicted to booze. I used almost daily, it was part of the good, bad, the everything.

Now I am learning to act like a sober adult. I don't really know what that is like.
I was drunk since I was about 5 years old.

The world was a scary place for a while. I pretended I was brave.

I found out nobody really cared if I was sober. Except my wife.

Now clean, things are better. Very different though.

Without the booze, sometimes I feel dead inside. I search for things to make me feel alive. Hard work outs and mma seem to work for now.

Posting on SR helps. AA helps. Sleep and good food.

It gets better everyday.

Get clean. Stay clean.

Hevyn

Good to meet you, Mandy.

I know what you mean - I was exhausted too. Trying to control it - insisting I could bring back the old days when it was fun & still manageable. I don't know when I crossed the line to alcoholic drinking, but it was decades ago. I put myself in danger so many times. I'm relieved & happy to be out of the trap. You will do this!

keeppushing

Mandy,

Welcome! My first drinks where 3 double tequila shots in a row. That was 29 years ago. I have been trying to stop the day after those first drinks. Sometimes I've gone week, a couple of times I've gone months. I got tired of the cycle at some point. But then I got through it and now I am at peace that my constant struggle in life. That doesn't mean I give up, it means that I accept the struggle. Part of my goal is to never stop, and I now take pride when I pick myself up, dust myself off and try again. Today I am on day 32, and I have never been so proud in my life. Maybe I make day 33, maybe not. But today is day 32 and I will celebrate it.

I know you're tired. But it is in our human capacity to dig deep, find that hidden reserve and keep going. I hope that you do.

KP

Linz805

Keep going no matter what! Great job posting! I have posted a few times now and am really enjoying the feed back. I am also tired of the same merry go round when I am drinking. We need to get off it in order to have a new chance at life! You can do it, just for today.

BarOwnersSon

Welcome Mandy. You can stop. I had 30 years of out of control drinking under my belt, and several failed attempts at stopping. I just passed my one month milestone at this LAST attempt, and I know that this time it will stick. I can't adequately explain how satisfied and peaceful I feel, knowing that the rest of my life will not include alcohol. It's going to be so much better, and I know that it will be for you too. Glad you posted and I look forward to hearing about your journey.

UnicornRainbows

I so understand this. 12 days sober and I have my 50th bday around the corner and I needed a change. 5pm daily, I would have a shot of vodka then a second, then a 3rd, etc. Then shots of vodka all weekend. Husband is still a functioning alcoholic. Nice to know we have support here. You can make it! We all can...although dreading watching college football sober! One day at a time.

MidnightRider

Hi Mandy -

This is the year that I have come to the same realization .... Quit drinking...It just ain't fun anymore and tired of the roller coaster.

Please make a plan and stay positive.... Each day is precious !

Best wishes to you and stay close to this site... You will soon be feeling much much better.

Dee74

Hi Mandy

Coming here to SR was the start of my changing my life

If I can do it, you can too - welcome!
D

Delilah1

Welcome Mandy!

You are right, the cycle is completely exhausting. I finally got myself out of this cycle seven months ago, a free many previous attempts. This site is a great support, also, you should join the August class, you will find lots of support from people at the same point in their recovery journey.

You can do this, and I promise it is worth it.

August252015

Exactly. When I think back to the last six months of last year, the end of my drinking approaching - it is just stunning yet I remember it so well - EXHAUSTED, completely and totally, body, mind and spirit was exactly the place I lived. I drank til I couldn't drink anymore. I will never go back to that again.

God, that feeling of pure exhaustion - gives me the shivers now to think about living that way.

You can get well and you WILL be amazed at how completely your life, mind and spirit feel as you get sober and stay in recovery. Good luck!