MissPerfumado

Hi all

I have been away from SR for a few weeks. I went away for a bit, to focus on connecting with my family and friends IRL and it has been really good. I’ve been sober over 7 months and I am without a doubt better for it - physically, mentally, emotionally, financially - everything has improved.

I’m writing because I have an issue and I want to reach out for some advice, help and support. I’m pretty bad at asking for help generally. But I have a problem and I don’t know that anyone in my real life can understand it.

SR has been instrumental and amazing in getting me sober and staying sober these past few months so I hope you folks can help me.

The issue is that I seem to have a form of anxiety that I didn’t realise I had before i.e. when I was drinking. I’m generally a confident, sociable person and this anxiety is scaring me.

I recently moved back home after 10+ years overseas and I’m in a new work environment - it’s the same job but I’m at head office now. I know what I’m doing yet I don’t. I kind of know the people I work with but they are not the really familiar faces I was dealing with before day to day.

I have anxiety now in meetings when I speak up with my senior colleagues. It’s noticeable I’m sure. I can feel my voice shaking, my heart beats super-fast and my words don’t seem to make sense. It’s like I’m being hijacked by my body. It only happens in very specific settings - in 99% of other interactions and my daily life, I’m fine and my usual assured outgoing self.

Thinking back perhaps I always had performance anxiety in professional settings with people I thought were “influential” or “important”. Way back when I didn't have a serious alcohol problem (like 10+ years ago), I seem to recall having this issue, in specific settings like pitching to clients. Then I started drinking and I thought I overcame my confidence problem. In reality, I think I was just masking it. At the end of my drinking I started to get anxiety again when speaking in public and I thought getting sober would stop it - I thought it was the physical side-effects of drinking.

I will see a professional (like a counsellor or psychiatrist) about it but I guess I just wanted some help or insight - and maybe a friendly word so I don’t feel so alone about this. Has anyone else had anxiety “return” after sobriety?

Thanks everyone.

kinzoku

Yes. I had it biiiiig time. Alcohol definitely killed my anxiety. It also made me do stuuuupid things. There are healthy and unhealthy ways to overcome anxiety problems. Unhealthy is masking the symptoms with another poison. Good luck in your fight.

Berrybean

I was the same around that time, and it got worse and worse until I did something (finally) to address my alcoholic thinking. I'd dealt with my alcoholic drinking by staying sober. I even went to some AA meetings to help me break the habit of what I did with my time and who I hang out with. But I hadn't actually done any real work on my recovery, so my head was still full of fears, anxieties, and resentments of a variety of vintages - some new ones, but also some real ripe ones from way back when.

My boss even sent me for counselling, where I told the counsellor all the more savory bits of what was bothering me, but kind of omitted to share the bits that were my part in things, or were too embarrassing. That made me realise that I was still completely unable to deal with life on life's terms, and accept how things were. It was then that I got a sponsor and started working the 12-step program. It made a massive, massive difference.

Have you ever read this PAWS article by the way? It might be worth a look. It's very short... https://digital-dharma.net/post-acut...r-immediately/

I hope you find some relief soon.

hpdw

Anxiety is a issue with alcoholics and its so common . There are many people in the hectic modern world suffering from anxiety disorders who don't have a drinking problem . Anxiety is made worse by masking it with alcohol or drugs , of course it doesn't seem that way at first but once the alcohol is removed we notice it more . Education on how anxiety is caused in the first place is IMO key to an anxiety free state .
I find this site very helpful and informative https://www.anxietycentre.com

fred59

check out smartrecovery website they have a page in the tool box section that deals with anxiety, good luck

MissPerfumado

Thanks everyone. I'll check out the links and recommendations. I think I really need some professional face to face support and will seek it out as a priority.

The more I think about it the more I realise it's time to tackle some deeper issues. I did see a counsellor the first 3-4 months I was sober but I kept things high-level. My thinking was - I'm doing fine getting and staying sober, what more do I need to do? But there are things in my make-up, e.g. being highly competitive, almost compulsive about it, placing a lot of pressure on myself to succeed in this new environment - that I need to dig into and deal with. The connection with that and my relying on drinking to cope is blindingly obvious ... now.

Thanks again for your help.

Gottalife

Fear is such a common thing for the alcoholic. I found the fear, like my drinking, was rooted in my behaviour. I took a real good look at that and learned that seemingly minor little transgressions, little betrayals of my own values, a little dishonesty, a little selfishness, had a habit of piling up on me. That is the stuff that had to be fixed if I was to stop drinking for good. The things that caused my failure.

RattleAndHum

Hi Miss P!

I feel your pain. I have really bad panic attack in specific situations. I used to self medicate with alcohol whenever I was in a crowd. Before a wedding where I was a groomsman, I drank A LOT (secretly--even before the couple drinks everyone had before the wedding) because I was afraid of having a panic attack in the church. Needless to say, I made a fool out of myself. I don't have answers, but I can say I understand. Counseling has helped me. I had to get on a med as well, and both have helped. I'm glad you're seeing a counselor. They can be very helpful. I'm happier to hear that you're still sober.

Soberwolf

Do you practice deep belly breathing exercises x

MissPerfumado

Hey R&H ... good to see you! Thanks for the support and encouragement.

SW, I have not tried breathing exercises. I have no tools to help me with anxiety because I didn't think I had an issue until now. I had a couple of anxiety attacks in meetings in the last month since I got back, but I brushed them off as just nerves. Then this morning I had a really bad one - again in a meeting - that has me worried. I'll look into the exercises. Thanks for that.

hpdw

This is good , I look at it like a points system , the more points notched up for each little transgression the worse I feel . Guilt and shame were/are always the root of my feeling bad mentally .

Viperidae

I've had brutal exhaustion brought on by anxiety that I wasn't properly copping with before. I'm anxious by nature. I've decided I'm going do a couple of drop-in meditation classes at a local Buddhist Center to see if it's a fit. At $10 per session I don't see what I can lose. I think it's proven that people who meditate need less sleep, and have a real reduction in anxiety.

Also you can do it from anywhere. Someone told me they are secretly using the deep breathing and techniques while in Office Meetings to get through it. No one notices her and it works.

Best of luck

FreeOwl

I discovered social anxiety that I never realized I had....

After being sober for a while, it became clear. I never realized it, because previously I'd "treated" it with drugs and alcohol.

Now, I don't really like being at large gatherings. I sweat over-much when I need to 'perform'. My heart rate elevates when it's my turn to talk, present or lead (even if I'm only on the phone.... sitting at my kitchen table on a conference call with my boss).

What has helped:

Counseling / therapy - aimed at uncovering my negative self-beliefs

Reducing caffeine - though I seldom do.... I have discovered that coffee / caffeine really exacerbate the problem. Of course, I'm addicted and have been unable to cut it out so far. I'm sure if I would just DO IT, then my anxiety would be greatly improved.

Learning to recognize, label and accept my anxiety. I'm human. Reminding myself I'm human and that anxiety is actually a normal response to stressful situations - versus running from, being ahamed of or trying to STOP it.

Step work - looking back on the things that have led me to feel negative about and toward myself... working on forgiveness... letting go... building a new self image.

Exercise. Running in particular.

All of these things help. It hasn't gone away but it is often quite manageable.

leemcsealy

That's exactly the reason I keep going back to drinking/drugs. It just can't talk, and have that feeling like I am watching my carry a conversation... making me terribly awkward at times. Substance certainly solves the problem, but its only temporary. After time, more substance = less anxiety... and eventually you become someone else. I feel like I am two people, and find myself (under the influence) telling others, "I am a lot more reserved in person." I hate this about myself and have been trying to fix it for years. It is a factor that always drives me to drink. I am determined to overcome this problem... its not just about following the big book, its about opening myself to others and enjoying my everyday life... not just reserving that for my nights at the bar.

Soberwolf

This helps me & my friends

Deep Breathing Instructions for Calming Panic

A breathing exercise that calms panic attacks.

3 Anxiety Breathing Techniques You Can Practice Anywhere - Self help for anxiety - Anxiety Slayer

MissPerfumado

Thank you. The breathing exercises look extremely helpful. And it also makes me feel better to know I'm not alone. Last night I rang my sister who is in the medical field and asked her for advice on referrals etc. She gave me good advice and also reminded me that I do put too much pressure on myself. I'm trying to break down that need to project perfection, achievement and success all the time. It's so ingrained. Thanks everyone. This is a journey that begins with putting down the drink isn't it?

Belier

From a fellow Australian in Melbourne check out Michael Sealy on youtube, amazing hypnotherapy mediation videos, he is recognised worldwide but is an Australian. Highly recommend, many topics he covers - changed my mindset for the better

Berrybean

Yep. Absolutely. Definitely. Certainly.

We have to make other changes as well, to address our alcoholic thinking. But that isn't possible until we've taken that first step, and put down the booze. The longer it is since our last drink, the less strength and power over us our AV has. When I was still drinking and just wanting to stop, I could not discern the truth in my head, from the false that was also there, courtesy of my AV.

Keep breathing through. I remember feeling like that anxiety really could actually kill me. Stone dead in the middle of a supermarket, or in assembly at school. It can't. I promise. (As an ex-smoker if I got real desperate, just breathing 'like I was smoking' was a good start to getting my head back.

MissPerfumado

The sole but very important reason I am reviving this thread is to say thank you to all of you who posted suggestions to deal with my social anxiety at work. FreeOwl was spot on with the running and caffeine. I still have not re-started therapy due to travelling in the last couple of weeks but that's not been forgotten.

Mostly, big-time gratitude to Soberwolf (and Berrybean) re. the deep breathing.

I had to give a speech tonight to just about the worst crowd for triggering my anxiety. It was a work celebration dinner for new promotions and each of the newly promoted - including me as a recent lateral transfer - had to give a speech to our peers. These include some of the most senior people in the company. The stuff of nightmares. Leading up to the evening and practising my speech, I found myself wishing I could have just one drink to calm the nerves but that is just no longer an option.

I did the deep breathing exercises throughout the evening. I was the last one to speak and particularly needed the exercises when other people were speaking. It went off absolutely fine. I had my speech prepared but didn't have to look at it (much) and most importantly my voice did not tremble. I got the laughs when I wanted them and people said "great speech" afterward. Oh dear God. That was a small miracle. I would not have got through without the breathing exercises.

This is why I am very grateful for this site. You all have helped me get sober, stay sober and now get through the things that I used to run to the drink to cope with. I just can’t thank you all enough.

Lightning Bug

Great advice from all.

I have social anxiety in business - especially when I have to present something to executives. Toastmasters worked for me. Might be something you could try.

Edit. Didn't realize this was an old thread.