Lonely Bored Depressed and Drunk
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Kaily 
I went at least four times a week for over a month. At first I thought this is it these people are just like me at last I fit in somewhere but I suddenly felt totally overwhelmed, I didn't find a sponsor but I did get a few numbers and one lovely lady text me regularly until I told her I was drinking again. I just didn't "get it" much as I tried.
did you read the big book or work the steps any?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by Kaily
I did read the big book, I couldn't find a sponsor so I was unable to do the steps,
There are no problems. Just solutions we don't like.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,061
Originally Posted by Berrybean
??? In North London? ?? How many potential sponsors do you want?
There are no problems. Just solutions we don't like.
There are no problems. Just solutions we don't like.
Not really sure why I am having to justify myself...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
You don't need to justify yourself at all. But self honesty IS important if you're we ever want to figure out why things haven't worked so far, and what could be put in place now and in the future. I spent 6 months putting off getting a sponsor, and had LOADS of excuses for it. All of them complete and utter rubbish.
I don't know anyone who got their sponsor by that person coming over and offering it. They all had to do a bit of leg work and ask someone. I suspect that part of this is working on the premice that, until someone is willing enough to ask someone to be their sponsor , they're not likely to be willing enough to commute to the steps. Also, we're advised to ask someone who 'has the sobriety that we would want for ourselves', so it would be quite conceited to offer our services (and thereby presume that we have what that person wants).
I don't know anyone who got their sponsor by that person coming over and offering it. They all had to do a bit of leg work and ask someone. I suspect that part of this is working on the premice that, until someone is willing enough to ask someone to be their sponsor , they're not likely to be willing enough to commute to the steps. Also, we're advised to ask someone who 'has the sobriety that we would want for ourselves', so it would be quite conceited to offer our services (and thereby presume that we have what that person wants).
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by Kaily
I don't have any friends or family. Tried AA but it felt like a cult.
Just want to sleep forever now, my life is miserable beyond belief yet I always put on a smile for everyone. I clean for people, listen to their problems try to help, sometimes casually I say I am a bit down..they have no idea!
Just want to sleep forever now, my life is miserable beyond belief yet I always put on a smile for everyone. I clean for people, listen to their problems try to help, sometimes casually I say I am a bit down..they have no idea!
Hey I can relate. I felt AA was a cult. It was wierd. It was creepy. All GOD this, GOD that. Strange people. I wasn't like them. No way. Cult weirdos.
Of course that thinking kept me drinking for nearly a decade and another divorce and another DUI and hundreds of thousands of dollars and a whole lot of misery and almost losing my children.
And then I let down my guard and decided to see what the 'cult' had that I might learn from.... then I discovered it to be a bunch of people who had similarly suffered and who had found fellowship in the shared choice of sobriety. Instead of a threat I found it to be a tool and a comfort.
I discovered that the real reason I labeled it a cult and weird was that I had actually wanted to keep on drinking.
In truth, I wasn't converted. I wasn't brainwashed. Nobody fleeced me. I don't worship anyone or anything strange. And..... I'm sober.
AA didn't do it all..... but having the fellowship gave me insight, awareness, support, growth, friends, togetherness, assurance and clarity without which I'm sure I'd still be drunk.
AA may not be all your answers..... but it may be worth giving further chance.
It doesn't sound to me like what you're doing presently is working altogether well for you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
We are not trying to make you justify anything, just trying to get to the bottom of your thoughts with honesty.
I hear a lot of AV in your post.
Don't think that because you don't like AA you can't achieve sobriety. Many of us don't use AA but we DO have a plan and use other methods and tools.
Explore this and don't let your AV take over, learn how to recognize it. It has made a huge difference for me. I started by posting here BEFORE picking up and that has helped.
You can do this!!!
I hear a lot of AV in your post.
Don't think that because you don't like AA you can't achieve sobriety. Many of us don't use AA but we DO have a plan and use other methods and tools.
Explore this and don't let your AV take over, learn how to recognize it. It has made a huge difference for me. I started by posting here BEFORE picking up and that has helped.
You can do this!!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Kaily
I did read the big book, I couldn't find a sponsor so I was unable to do the steps,
seems to have been ok as im still sober.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
a sponsor is not required to work the steps. nowhere in the Big Book does it state otherwise:
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt5.pdf
you could in fact, start today......
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt5.pdf
you could in fact, start today......
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
Hi Kaily,
One of the fantastic things about these forums is that info about pretty much every possible recovery method can be found on here. Yes, lots have used AA and naturally they're wanting to point out it isn't a cult for them because of what you said, but someone mentioned SMART recovery, or have you read about AVRT, or tried reading books like Allen Carr's How to Control Your Drinking for example?
Have you made or followed a plan of your own? If so, what do you think went wrong to lead you to drink the way you are now? What changes could you make to it so this time it works?
The key here, no matter what approach you take, is that you have to really, really want to stop. Not just in the sense that you know it would be a good idea, or healthier, but deep down you need to know this has to stop.
What we've all learned on here is that there's no situation that alcohol can't make worse. You may well have issues that will still need to be dealt with when you're sober, but stopping drinking has to be the first step to turning things around.
I really hope you come up with a new plan, whether it's giving AA another shot or trying something else that feels like a better fit for you.
One of the fantastic things about these forums is that info about pretty much every possible recovery method can be found on here. Yes, lots have used AA and naturally they're wanting to point out it isn't a cult for them because of what you said, but someone mentioned SMART recovery, or have you read about AVRT, or tried reading books like Allen Carr's How to Control Your Drinking for example?
Have you made or followed a plan of your own? If so, what do you think went wrong to lead you to drink the way you are now? What changes could you make to it so this time it works?
The key here, no matter what approach you take, is that you have to really, really want to stop. Not just in the sense that you know it would be a good idea, or healthier, but deep down you need to know this has to stop.
What we've all learned on here is that there's no situation that alcohol can't make worse. You may well have issues that will still need to be dealt with when you're sober, but stopping drinking has to be the first step to turning things around.
I really hope you come up with a new plan, whether it's giving AA another shot or trying something else that feels like a better fit for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,061
Originally Posted by fripfrop
Kaily are there no Smart meetings in N.London?
Has Turning Point (or the London equivelant) got a number you can call?
Do you have a community addiction team the GP can refer you to?
Has Turning Point (or the London equivelant) got a number you can call?
Do you have a community addiction team the GP can refer you to?
Also been to the community addiction team, filled out Pie Charts, drink diaries and lots of health and safety forms, as for my actual addiction they didn't understand, told me to just cut down.
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Inglind
Posts: 610
Hmm..cutting down didn't work for me either, if I had any control, I wouldn't have gotton into the crap I have ha
I went to a community addiction team here, years ago. They did all the chart filling at first, just telling me to keep a drink diary to keep track of how much I was drinking and seeing if there was a pattern. As I stuck with them, the councellor I had was useful to talk to, and I had become so used to drinking huge amounts I "normalised" it. She brought me back down to earth a bit on that! I did start to drink less
Of coarse at the time I didn't really want to give up, I just wanted to drink without getting into trouble and feeling like rubbish haha
So I left there. And went back to "mad dog benders"
I hope you get some use out of Smart..you need something, because you really don't sound like you want to continue on the way you are.
Please take care Kaily
I went to a community addiction team here, years ago. They did all the chart filling at first, just telling me to keep a drink diary to keep track of how much I was drinking and seeing if there was a pattern. As I stuck with them, the councellor I had was useful to talk to, and I had become so used to drinking huge amounts I "normalised" it. She brought me back down to earth a bit on that! I did start to drink less
Of coarse at the time I didn't really want to give up, I just wanted to drink without getting into trouble and feeling like rubbish haha
So I left there. And went back to "mad dog benders"
I hope you get some use out of Smart..you need something, because you really don't sound like you want to continue on the way you are.
Please take care Kaily
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 376
Hey Kaily - The one thing that I know, is you really need a plan/framework that you can lean on to help keep yourself accountable. There is no getting around the fact that this is a day at a time effort. Your plan can give you support you need when you need it most.
Here is some of my plan (every one has a different plan)
- I did not do AA but i did read all of their material and picked out what applied to me
- I schedule monthly counseling session which really keep me on track (taught me coping skills)
- I changed my daily routine around my 'normal' drinking times
- I focused on my health and set fitness goals
- I check into this forum daily
I could keep going but hopefully that gives you some sense of how having a plan in place can help.
Here is some of my plan (every one has a different plan)
- I did not do AA but i did read all of their material and picked out what applied to me
- I schedule monthly counseling session which really keep me on track (taught me coping skills)
- I changed my daily routine around my 'normal' drinking times
- I focused on my health and set fitness goals
- I check into this forum daily
I could keep going but hopefully that gives you some sense of how having a plan in place can help.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 148
I am so sorry that you are going through this. If aa didn't work why don't u try something else. Anything to get your mind off alcohol. I am on day 6 and going to try a meeting tonight. Day 1 through 5 I stayed glued to this site. Till I registered. I hope you realize that you are worth it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 334
Hi Kaily.Hope you now feel empowered from reading all the advice from the guys.Please give AA another try.I am in rural England and a few weeks ago rang the AA help line local to my area.I was 4weeks sober at the time and absolutely terrified by the mental anguish,anxiety attacks and depression which accompany early withdrawal.At first I was wary of attending a nearby AA meeting as I was in such a state but so glad I did. Mine is a small womens group.I found I fitted in as I am quite spiritual and I don't find AA cult-like etc.Anyhow,take care and stay close to SR Kaily.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 709
Kailey, you might have to experiment a bit before you find the program that's right for you. If AA doesn't speak to you, try Smart Recovery (as another poster mentioned) or Rational Recovery. You're in London so there has to be a ton of support groups. I got sober in rehab and they used a method called the Three Principles and I've been sober for almost 9 months. I hope you find something that works for you.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Reality
Posts: 491
Hi Kaily,
I feel the same way you feel about AA. The problem is people in AA who had some sobriety time under their belts have zero tolerance for BS. This is the only way you can make it out of addition you have to want to be sober more than you want to be drunk.
Examples of me being drunk, i had no money but I would go to the liquor store or the store I'm said my card is not working but I promise ILL pay you tomorrow. Me in a bar making conversation with some sleezy character becaeuse he is paying. me
changing coins in a coin star machine or me stealing from my husband.
There was not anything I was not willing to do to dring, the same I must do for my sobriety. Of course it will be must difficult because Im conciuos and I feel the shame.
Hang in there you are not alone come back here maybe someday we will break free and maybe life will be good or at least livable.
XOXO
I feel the same way you feel about AA. The problem is people in AA who had some sobriety time under their belts have zero tolerance for BS. This is the only way you can make it out of addition you have to want to be sober more than you want to be drunk.
Examples of me being drunk, i had no money but I would go to the liquor store or the store I'm said my card is not working but I promise ILL pay you tomorrow. Me in a bar making conversation with some sleezy character becaeuse he is paying. me
changing coins in a coin star machine or me stealing from my husband.
There was not anything I was not willing to do to dring, the same I must do for my sobriety. Of course it will be must difficult because Im conciuos and I feel the shame.
Hang in there you are not alone come back here maybe someday we will break free and maybe life will be good or at least livable.
XOXO
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Inglind
Posts: 610
Kaily, you still here?
How are you now?
You can't just sit alone and isolate (well you can, but it's such a waste of you).
Come on giwl. Drowning in vodka is a horrible way to go (speaking from experience)
Surely trying ANYTHING is better than trying nothing?
The lonliness is as poisonous as the vodka, and they feed off each other.
Have you looked up any Smart meetings?
Even though you don't like the AA philosophy, there are people there who are not especially fanatics, but the company of other people who have been there, done that in regards to drink, helps enormously.
The human contact helps.
I have started going to Smart and to AA meetings. And I will try anything else I can get my hands on (waiting for NHS Recovery team to get in touch)
Once I am feeling a bit better, and have more time off the booze, I will deciede, in a more balanced frame of mind, which I "buy" into.
Maybe I won't "buy" into any particular "technique" for staying sober. Maybe I will patch together what I feel most useful for me from each. I also like Rational Recovery.
Maybe it will be a "Frankinstein" creation of my own with bits taken from everywhere that keeps me sober? But it will be the human contact that keeps me sane
Please post.
How are you now?
You can't just sit alone and isolate (well you can, but it's such a waste of you).
Come on giwl. Drowning in vodka is a horrible way to go (speaking from experience)
Surely trying ANYTHING is better than trying nothing?
The lonliness is as poisonous as the vodka, and they feed off each other.
Have you looked up any Smart meetings?
Even though you don't like the AA philosophy, there are people there who are not especially fanatics, but the company of other people who have been there, done that in regards to drink, helps enormously.
The human contact helps.
I have started going to Smart and to AA meetings. And I will try anything else I can get my hands on (waiting for NHS Recovery team to get in touch)
Once I am feeling a bit better, and have more time off the booze, I will deciede, in a more balanced frame of mind, which I "buy" into.
Maybe I won't "buy" into any particular "technique" for staying sober. Maybe I will patch together what I feel most useful for me from each. I also like Rational Recovery.
Maybe it will be a "Frankinstein" creation of my own with bits taken from everywhere that keeps me sober? But it will be the human contact that keeps me sane
Please post.
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