Stewy84

My girlfriend left last week and moved to her friends house , she has been there ever since. In the meantime her uncle passed away. I spoke to her on Tuesday as she came back to the house for some stuff and I gave her a hug and said things will be ok.

I made a stupid mistake by then sending her some messages and pictures. I called her yesterday too and then followed up with a call just now.

She said she was sorry but could not deal with the situation between me and her right now. I don't understand it guys, what do I need to do to sort this out?

She said she's not coming back to the house. I said I would like to know if she wants to end things as I think closure is better than this limbo we seem to be in. She just says flippantly fine we will end it. I'm totally devastated to think it's over. I don't think it's fair that she's stringing me along like some sort of game.

I'm sorry for not taking the advice of no contact it's just hell being in uncertainty.

What shall I do guys? I took her mum flowers and she said she is not too good right now and to leave her until after the funeral

I'm a mess tonight, I was doing pretty well the other day too

ccam1973

Sorry about your struggles Stewy. One thing's for sure, don't drink during all of this. Im my opinion, I would respect her wishes and give her some breathing room. Everybody grieves differently and you're not doing yourself any good by continuing to reach out to her. Again, just my opinion, but might you might want to take a step back from her for a while, as hard as that might be.

Anna

Stewy, you are giving away all your power.

Stewy, I'm sorry you're hurting, I really am.

Your girlfriend said she wanted some space and no-contact. You think she's stringing you along like some kind of game, but, only if you allow her to do that.

You have the option of closing the door and moving on. If you want to wait and see whether your girlfriend comes back to you, then that's a choice you make and you know it will involve waiting because she doesn't want to be back now.

pearlady

I can relate. No words of advice or wisdom. But I feel what is probably a very similar heartache.

Della1968

I don't see where she is stringing you along. She is going through some stuff right now maybe she needs to deal with that right now instead of your needs and wants. I don't want to sound cold but we addicts are all about instant gratification instead of just letting things be once in awhile.

AnvilheadII

stewy, it's pretty straight forward. she just suffered the loss of a family member and it's just one thing too much. you have told us that your relationship has been in jeopardy for some time. so she's calling a time out. so she can deal WITH HER OWN STUFF and not have to try and pander and placate you as well!!!

leave her be. no calls, no texts, no tweets, no flowers, no drive bys. let the woman breathe. this isn't about YOU......but it feels like it.

Stewy84

I know I know I've got to just let her be, it's the only way isn't it. I knew I should not of got in touch with her.

Even if it is a long spell can things turn around? Will she end up just forgetting me? We own a house together but that's the only thing binding us right now

Opivotal

As hard as it is Stewy, give her the time and space your GF requested.

If you push her right now, I'm afraid you won't like the response... just like today.

Work on yourself.

Stewy84

She's never going to come back is she I've totally ballsed it.

I wanted to be there through the family bereavement

KissMyTiara

Stewy if you ever hope to get her back leave her alone right now.

What you are trying to do is more for you than for her.

Back off. Trust me. Been there.

Stewy84

She's probably just letting things down gently, that's what I fear, waiting weeks to just be told it's over, four years down the drain

Will she be moving on now? Seeing other people? I don't know how this works

OfEpiphany

Sounds like it's over bro. You can do a couple things now. Forget her, block her, cut communication and use these emotions to fuel yourself to better yourself.

Or you can grovel and beg for her to come back for the next 3 months, making yourself look stupid and desperate, and then hating yourself for stooping down to that level once you are officially over her later on in life.

AnvilheadII

dude, slow your roll!!! NOTHING BAD has happened yet. she' s barely been out of the house a week - many people have work conferences that take them away that long. this is where you need to examine your own stuff - not hers......why can't Stewy let his g/f have some space for a few weeks or more without freaking out?

you own a house together, people don't normally just run off to outer Mongolia and leave a mortgage behind! but if you keep acting up and pushing and NOT respecting HER wishes, you can push her AWAY. time to man up here. she is the one whose uncle died, not you.......

She's probably just letting things down gently yup, she's just been waiting for SOMEONE to croak so she could use that an excuse......

Stewy84

Thanks anvil, I really appreciate you offering this perspective on it, it is more important now than ever to pay attention to her wishes regardless of what I think, it's ridiculous of me to expect anything at this stage.

Is the space just time to fall out of love though anvil?

Trees39

Hi I've been where you are now. This book really helped me 'detach'.
Codependent no more.

Hope you give yourself some peace soon.

Soberwolf

Stewy she has just lost a family member and has asked for space I'm sorry dude I really am but I back up what Opivotal said give her space esp during grieving I know you want an answer but just give it time

I know you don't want to but time is a great healer & pestering will only make things worse I've been through this when I got sober

Stewy84

Thanks bud

But will she just fall out of love and move on?

Stewy84

Mind you, not much love going on right now !

brynn

(((Stewy))) unfortunately no one here can answer that question. I know it sucks to have to wait, but time gives us clarity. Use this time apart for your benefit and focus on your stuff for a while. It will all work out exactly the way it's supposed to in the end.

Stewy84

Thanks for your kind words brynn I appreciate your advice