vulturine

When I quit drinking the first time, it was because I had found my passion in life, and I tried to build a career based on that. I pretty much destroyed the dream through drinking and drug use during a particularly stressful year. I was a molecular biologist, so there is always a lot of pressure to meet deadlines, go to meetings, secure grants, form relationships with the right people, etc. Anyway, my drinking got out of hand, and I pretty much destroyed any chances of getting a positive reference. I got another job at an engineering firm, but I got fired for drinking at work all the time.

Anyway, I'm pretty much done being a scientist. I don't know what to do now. My best friend who died was in the same position, but he's gone now. I feel as though I'm stagnating. I don't know how to rebuild. I think I'm just going to become that drunken ******* whose life got torn apart by stress and mental illness. I just have no motivation at all anymore.

vulturine

I don't feel like other people. Other people never accepted me, it's a lonely place. Science was all I had, and I killed that dream.

IvanMike

Well you could do what Marc Lewis did (read memoirs of an addicted brain). Destroyed his career in the sciences and built another one in another branch of science anyway.

LadyBlue0527

HI Vulturine. I'm only assuming that your picture is you and you look young. You would be surprised how many companies will take a second look at people who have problems with alcohol as long as the situation is being addressed. You don't think that if you turned it around that there would be a way back in?

entropy1964

Hi vulturine

I'm sorry you're feeling so alone and sad. From this post, and past posts, I have the impression that you are really living in the past. Allowing it to define and destroy your present. Totally normal for addicts I think but extremely counter productive.

Today is all you have, all any of us have. And it's full of possibilities if you choose to see them. How long have you been sober?

You are fortunate to have a passion.....I've never been able to figure that one out outside of being a mother....that, I love. Your career can be reignited.....if you can get a strong base in recovery. As a molecular biologist you're probably no dummy

Your dreams are only dead if you live in the nightmares of the past.

vulturine

I'm not really living in the past. I only graduated from university in November, 3 days before my best friend died. Then I started working, and life went to hell again. I was pretty depressed and disgruntled at my new job, so I just drank every day and didn't care. I wasn't even formally fired, I was just sent home, and my contract hasn't been renewed.

I'm on and off the drink. I think it's been 8 days since my last binge. That's pretty good for me. I'm running out of money quickly, so I can't afford to drink anyway. :/

vulturine

I'm really struggling with the urge to spend every last dime on liquor, but I need a new cell phone or I'm useless.

Soberwolf

Drinking will never solve anything and I didn't even go to uni but I'm not going to let life hold me back or kill my dreams

Sorry your feeling like this but I think you still have a can of whoop ass in you

mcfearless

You know the funny thing about life ? Perception, attitude and perspective are malleable. Dreams are just a mirror of these things.

There is so little we really can control in life, but luckily for us those are three we have a lot of control over (if we realise it), and they are 3 very big ones.

2muchpain

Very sorry to hear about your struggles, and I'm real sorry to hear about your best friend.
I hope this comes out right, but I have found in the past that some of my biggest struggles and pain turned me in a much better direction, but it took a while to see it. It took a while to get a clear perspective on where I was and where I am today. Those struggles were meant to guide me in a different direction. That lost position might turn out to be good thing for you. Give it time, and try not to drink. Good luck. John

Wastinglife

Hi vulture, I appreciated your response to my thread so I thought I would reach out. I also ruined my career. I worked in finance for 7 years before my alcoholism took over. I had undiagnosed ADHD and couldn't keep up at work so turned to alcohol to cope. Got fired from my last 3 jobs because I couldn't stay sober.

I'm unemployed and spend my time either drinking or recovering from my last binge. I'm on day 7 since my last binge which lasted 2 weeks. I have also been fighting off the urge to blow my money on booze today.

It's comforting to know someone else is close by me in Toronto struggling with similar issues. I feel like it's just me who sucks at life sometimes. Sorry to hear about your friend. That must be tough to deal with.

Let's save our money and stay sober today. We'll regret it tomorrow if we don't

butcher70

Drank my way out of my profession once...well booze wasn't the only deal but played a part. Took allot of sober time to show that stage of my life is in my past. Got back in and am rolling. You can absolutely do this! If you want back in to the science scene show em your ready. It's gonna take hard work and patience. But can be done. Best of luck! Never stop trying

JD

I don't think your dreams are ever dead. We may put them in hibernation by doing things like drinking and drugs. I know I did. But by getting and staying sober dreams I've had in the past are starting to become a reality. They can for you too.

Dee74

Hi Vulturine

Find new dreams

I've had several careers now...historian, factory worker, musician, office worker, proofreader...

I've always wanted to be of service to others yet I never expected I'd end up putting so much time in a recovery site...but its one of my most rewarding 'careers' to date.

You may find old dreams never quite die too.

I really missed music...I totally destroyed that one with drink.

Over the last two years tho, I rebuilt my career. It's not the same as last time - less rock star, more music - but it is better & busier than ever.

Whenever I think my life is done with changes, something else happens. Never give up hope, or resign yourself to this being it

D

Anna

Vulturine, I think that, as long as you don't drink, you will continue to find passions throughout your life. It's the alcohol that takes those away, but we can find them again in recovery.

ItsViolet

Thanks Vulturine for bringing this up and thanks Dee for the inspiring response, I really needed to hear this.

FreeOwl

The nice thing about dreams is that they never actually die....

and there are an infiite wild and wonderful number of them....

they morph and change and take us through to new ones....

they are the stuff of life, dreams....

sobriety brings us an incredible wealth of new, unexplored, previously un-imagined dreams....

Grab onto sobriety, focus on that.... and the dreams will be flowing forth before you know it.

Soberandhealthy

very nice post i also feel my career is over. my marriage is over too.i also feel that there is a lot about me buried somewhere i dont know if i can explain myself. i drink to buried somethings and i think once i stop all these things will come to the survece. i need to be sober to figure out what my dreams really look like. i feel i donnt know myself so much of me is buried with my sister with my dad with my own self. today i just want to make peace with my sole i dont want to live like this.

teatreeoil007

One of my biggest struggles is dealing with regret and being angry with myself for stupid choices I made and wasting time.

Well, I found out that I needed to BURY regret...no, let me choose another word, cuz things that get buried with me tend to resurface....

I needed to somehow find a way to be DONE with regret because it was making me pretty sad and depressed! I needed to have it washed away...I needed to have it cleansed from my system. I had to process that. I needed to change the way I looked at the things I regretted....and I needed to see things in a different light somehow, because I could not go back and change the past or undo my mistakes. I guess I finally came to a place where I realized it wasn't doing me any good to feel so regretful...it wasn't constructive. So, I just told myself to stop regretting so much; let it go; and learn valuable lessons from my mistakes instead of carting around all that regret which wasn't doing much except wearing me down. And then, I earnestly and systematically started replacing all that regret with hope for the future...a future in which I needed to face sober and stop copping out and being sober I would make better decisions that make for a brighter future.

The enemy of our soul would love for us to believe it's too late and there's no hope and that we're worthless. I've told that enemy to take a hike to you know where....and I've also decided that I am not going to let other people's negativity and pessimism drag me down. It's still a work in progress, but it is progress(that requires work).

skjaldmaer

It's phenomenal reading your thread. I feel as though I am reading about myself as I can relate to this on so many levels. Science has always been my only passion as it is objective and logical.

I'm sorry that I have no advice as the same sort of circumstances are something I am dealing with right now - although I seem to be failing due to drinking before graduation (leaving me with nothing - besides student debt).

Before signing up to this site I honestly thought my situation was overly unique - but I can see now that other people have been going through something much more similar than I could have imagined.

Thank you