bec1977

Hi everyone. I am only 2 days sober. I've battled with my alcoholism for several years, my wake up call has been the slow and steady decline of my mental health and the unraveling of my marriage. My husband and I work different shifts, I am the general manager of a very busy restaurant and work all night shifts, usually coming home to a dark and quiet home. Since taking on my high stress job and feeling a sense of loneliness I've fallen into a bad habit of hitting the bar after work to "unwind". I've always had a problem to some degree, but it's gotten out of hand over the last year. My husband and I fight more than ever, to the point of physical fights. He's withdrawn from me, even telling me that he's starting to fall out of love, although he does "love" me. I have always had a lot going going for as far as being successful, attractive and independent, but all of that is changing. I don't love myself anymore like I used to and I know my drinking is the main reason.

I have made a decision to stop drinking on my own, my husband still drinks and has not decided to stop. He doesn't see his own drinking as an issue, just mine, so I joined to get private support because over half of my employees are in recovery and I don't want them to see me in an AA meeting as of yet.

I guess I'm reaching out on some level because I WANT change, I need it for myself and my family. If I can turn around this trainwreck that my life is becoming due to drinking, maybe I can save myself. I'm scared to do any more damage and I want to start living a happy life again.

Thanks in advance for support and encouragement as I start my own healing from alcohol. Maybe now that I've openly admitted my own problem, may I be able to make positive changes.

Rufus1979

This is how it is for me too!!! I don't want alcohol to ruin anymore of my life

jseattle

You sound very self aware and honest with yourself. That is terrific.

Cherrybreeze

That was the biggest step for me - saying it "out loud," no matter who to. I said it to myself for months, but had so much fear in admitting it to anyone, even people I don't know. Being able to is a huge hurdle. I wish you the absolute best!

bec1977

Thank you for your replies. I am hoping that by admitting my life is in shambles will prevent me from making the same poor decisions night after night. Tonight will be my first big challenge because it's the Monday of my work week. I have made a decision to not stop at the bar tonight once I am off work. I think I'll just log in here and hopefully find some people up late to chat with since I usually come home to everyone asleep, tonight I will try to start changing my behaviors.

Cherrybreeze

If you can, drive a different way home. On Tuesday night, I had some time so I figured I'd color my hair when I got home - but I also didn't want to stop at the drugstore, since that's where I usually would stop and pick up booze. I went straight home and figured the dye could wait. Even those small things can really make a difference.

Dee74

Welcome to SR Bec - you'll find a lot of support here

D

thomas11

Welcome, you are very wise to recognize that your mental and physical health are in decline and quitting is the first step. I'm sure its tough in the environment you are in, but you can do it.

D122y

Hi and welcome bec,

I drank my whole life and hard the last 13 or so years.

I drank about 400ml of hard liquor a night, almost every night.

My mental health was slowly fading. My ability to cope w stress was null.

My balance was poor and I was in a constant state of exhaustion.

Miserable existence.

I was not educated like I am now about the long term effects of booze.

Alcohol was the problem. I knew it, but was an addict.

Quitting has been difficult, but rewarding.

I had little support from my wife as she is a hard working women that drinks 1 Margarita a quarter.

I made it 1 year using this site and 6 AA meetings.

I suffered w out any meds.

My anxiety was hellish. I knew drinking would temporarily qwell it, but I also knew I would likely relapse into a drunken mess again.

Waking up sober day by day has been the most amazing thing.

It has gotten better each day.

I offer this in closing. Alcohol is an addictive drug. We are drug addicts. A functional drug addict has not been destroyed..... yet...e.g. dui, domestic, health break down etc....

Get clean. Change your life a bit. Stay clean.

Don't believe the hype. Alcohol is poison.

Anna

Welcome Bec, and I'm glad you have decided to stop drinking and make some changes in your life. We do understand how hard this is, and there are always people online here any time of the day or night, so jump on whenever you feel you'd like some support.

Razorblade66

Hey there. I'm on day 4 myself. My boyfriend is a drinker and we enable one another. Alcohol is the cream center of the Oreo.

I have joined AA. I've been to two meetings. I got a lot of phone numbers. I will call someone, or log onto this site if/when I'm about to go back out there. I don't want to be out there anymore.

I don't have many friends, I'm a single mom, my bf is helpful for helping me pay rent.... I'm not really sure how I'm going to make it, but I'll tell you this.... I believe I and all of us have a better chance of good things coming into our lives not being numb and with people that don't enrich our lives. I have to do it. I have to reach out and ask for help. I have only told my son (he's 13) about what I am doing.

My relationship with my bf is not half as important as my sobriety and mental health. I can't be concerned with his drinking.

I think we have to really take care of ourselves right now and create boundaries.

I hope I don't sound nuts. I feel like we have some similarities in our situations. I feel like it's time to get off the crazy train.

Just for today. You can do this. You got this.

bec1977

So nice to get support. Last night was tough but I did it. At my work, I run 3 bars and up to 250 people at least are there at once and half are wasted. So I think I am thankful Florida got a ton of rain because 2 of the bars are outside and I didnt have to open them. So was able to get off work around 11pm instead of 1am allowing me to come home to my husband who was still awake. I fought the urge of my usual routine to go to the bar, and made myself come home. (I did go to pick up cigartettes and toke out cash to go to the bar out of habit) but I drove right past. I didn't feel proud of myself until I was finally in bed watching TV. I made it another day. :-)

thomas11

Make that your routine, and stick to it. Great job. I bet you feel pretty good today right?

Mountainmanbob

That may be a good starting place ?

There were 6 AA steps before there were 12 steps.

Step 1 of the original 6 step program
Complete deflation

Hitting rock bottom was a good thing for me.
Sick and tired of being sick and tired.

MB