Call me a pessimist with a defeatist tude but I just cant take it anymore
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Nevada
Posts: 523
Call me a pessimist with a defeatist tude but I just cant take it anymore
We all know the mistake we have made while drinking. Some of us still don't just because we don't remember them. I on the other had do remember most depending what I've gulped down that particular even. I really hate to be negative when I know so many people are here for inspiration and motivation, but I'd like to keep it real for this topic at least.
I can remember what day I was actually on as far as being sober, but I do recall posting saying how great things were going with my wife and work and living sober. Things were really starting to pick up in a good way. So in comes the left hook with the job which I know I mentioned in a different post about an issue popping up in background. So there goes that. Wife and I get into some arguments so there goes that. I leave for some air that night. All the contemplating I finally gave in. Hell its already sucking right...so beer 1 turns into tall can number 5. Next day begins the vodka and the other job I do have. Then we all know the f--k its all to well in that state of mind. So about 5 days later as I'm diabetic I might ad and not taking my meds. Wife calls the EMT to take me in so I can get checked out since I've been of ALL of my medications for everything inlcuding psyce meds. Next thing I know I want to fight the cops that came with the EMTs. As embarrassing as this story is I just want it to try and help someone else is my goal. So I get undressed and I say lets get it on. Deep down I was hoping suicide by cop instead I got tazed 2 times. and send to the hospital. Now that was all this pass friday night. I came home yesterday evening after being on a 72 hr hold because of what I was saying.
So today is a new day...no drinking since Friday, but I do get to go to court in the morning to face the judge to find out if I get to go to jail for 60 days or not. What does that also mean? Well I'm the sole provider for my family, my wife is in school and I have 2 kids. So basically means nothing good. Yup, can't do the time don't do the crime yada yada . I think my point in this ramble is that it doesnt matter how good you try to clean up your act and stay on the straight and narrow the alcoholic wreckage of your past always finds a why in to sh*t on your parade. So I'll be up bright and early to head to court. My sponsor is going with me and my lawyer hopefully can work something out.
I'm just tired of the horsesh*t I keep getting myself in. I do mean really. Thouhgt I was on the right track doing the right thing.
Nah...sometimes it feels like it just doesnt matter what you do the sh*t cloud just follows.
Shruggs...what do I know. I'm just the full blow hopeless alcoholic whos tried repeatedly and is basically knocking on deaths door with my actions.
Out
I can remember what day I was actually on as far as being sober, but I do recall posting saying how great things were going with my wife and work and living sober. Things were really starting to pick up in a good way. So in comes the left hook with the job which I know I mentioned in a different post about an issue popping up in background. So there goes that. Wife and I get into some arguments so there goes that. I leave for some air that night. All the contemplating I finally gave in. Hell its already sucking right...so beer 1 turns into tall can number 5. Next day begins the vodka and the other job I do have. Then we all know the f--k its all to well in that state of mind. So about 5 days later as I'm diabetic I might ad and not taking my meds. Wife calls the EMT to take me in so I can get checked out since I've been of ALL of my medications for everything inlcuding psyce meds. Next thing I know I want to fight the cops that came with the EMTs. As embarrassing as this story is I just want it to try and help someone else is my goal. So I get undressed and I say lets get it on. Deep down I was hoping suicide by cop instead I got tazed 2 times. and send to the hospital. Now that was all this pass friday night. I came home yesterday evening after being on a 72 hr hold because of what I was saying.
So today is a new day...no drinking since Friday, but I do get to go to court in the morning to face the judge to find out if I get to go to jail for 60 days or not. What does that also mean? Well I'm the sole provider for my family, my wife is in school and I have 2 kids. So basically means nothing good. Yup, can't do the time don't do the crime yada yada . I think my point in this ramble is that it doesnt matter how good you try to clean up your act and stay on the straight and narrow the alcoholic wreckage of your past always finds a why in to sh*t on your parade. So I'll be up bright and early to head to court. My sponsor is going with me and my lawyer hopefully can work something out.
I'm just tired of the horsesh*t I keep getting myself in. I do mean really. Thouhgt I was on the right track doing the right thing.
Nah...sometimes it feels like it just doesnt matter what you do the sh*t cloud just follows.
Shruggs...what do I know. I'm just the full blow hopeless alcoholic whos tried repeatedly and is basically knocking on deaths door with my actions.
Out
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Hey getitright 
You sounds like you want it straight so...it stops when you stop digging the hole, man.
Stop looking to booze to solve anything. It won't.
Stop thinking that life is going to be instantly better sober, too - it often isn't
It took me about a year to clean up my mess. That's not sobriety's fault - that was the mess I made as a drunk.
You need to do some serious thinking about what your recovery plan is and how much you've been working on it.
I'm sorry you're in trouble again but this could be the bottom where you start to turn things around - if you make it be that way.
You;re a good guy - I hope whatever you're up for in terms of punishment will reflect that, but whatever way it falls, do what's asked of you...and ask for help for yourself, OK?
You deserve recovery as much as anyone else here.
D
You sounds like you want it straight so...it stops when you stop digging the hole, man.
Stop looking to booze to solve anything. It won't.
Stop thinking that life is going to be instantly better sober, too - it often isn't
It took me about a year to clean up my mess. That's not sobriety's fault - that was the mess I made as a drunk.
You need to do some serious thinking about what your recovery plan is and how much you've been working on it.
I'm sorry you're in trouble again but this could be the bottom where you start to turn things around - if you make it be that way.
You;re a good guy - I hope whatever you're up for in terms of punishment will reflect that, but whatever way it falls, do what's asked of you...and ask for help for yourself, OK?
You deserve recovery as much as anyone else here.
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by getright15 
I do get to go to court in the morning to face the judge to find out if I get to go to jail for 60 days or not.
I usually never got the jail time that they could have given me.
Jails are full
and you are working -- courts like that.
Bob
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Nevada
Posts: 523
im not drinking now but i was last week. I was just on a hold cause of the crazyness I was saying. I'm just fed up is. I dont expect thing to be perfect by any means. I just want to live my life man. No booze included. I've went sober day after sober not expecting life to just be fantastic but man just a little bit better than when I was boozing it up. When I go to court this time its just for a status check, but I wasnt able to stay out of trouble through out that year that it just means I'm screwed i guess. Ha...what else is new.
I seriously laughed
I seriously laughed
Originally Posted by Dee74
Hey getitright
You sounds like you want it straight so...it stops when you stop digging the hole, man.
Stop looking to booze to solve anything. It won't.
Stop thinking that life is going to be instantly better sober, too - it often isn't
It took me about a year to clean up my mess. That's not sobriety's fault - that was the mess I made as a drunk.
You need to do some serious thinking about what your recovery plan is and how much you've been working on it.
I'm sorry you're in trouble again but this could be the bottom where you start to turn things around - if you make it be that way.
You;re a good guy - I hope whatever you're up for in terms of punishment will reflect that, but whatever way it falls, do what's asked of you...and ask for help for yourself, OK?
You deserve recovery as much as anyone else here.
D
You sounds like you want it straight so...it stops when you stop digging the hole, man.
Stop looking to booze to solve anything. It won't.
Stop thinking that life is going to be instantly better sober, too - it often isn't
It took me about a year to clean up my mess. That's not sobriety's fault - that was the mess I made as a drunk.
You need to do some serious thinking about what your recovery plan is and how much you've been working on it.
I'm sorry you're in trouble again but this could be the bottom where you start to turn things around - if you make it be that way.
You;re a good guy - I hope whatever you're up for in terms of punishment will reflect that, but whatever way it falls, do what's asked of you...and ask for help for yourself, OK?
You deserve recovery as much as anyone else here.
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,240
When facing the judge, will you ask to enter
rehab for your sentence? Showing that you
want to do whatever you need and want to
do to get sober will show the judge you are
willing to do something different with your
life. To change from being sick in your addiction
to living a life in recovery, listening, learning,
absorbing and applying a program of recovery
in all areas of your life to achieve health, happiness,
and honesty.
If the courts throw you a lifeline, accept
it with humility to begin a new chapter
in your life. Freedom from the chains of
addiction that have held you down far to
long.
Accept a program of recovery and
ask for help. If the court sees that
you are honestly willing to do what
it takes to regain your life then they
will help you.
If you have faith ask for help and
you will be guided and strengthen
from Above. Your Higher Power of
your understanding.
rehab for your sentence? Showing that you
want to do whatever you need and want to
do to get sober will show the judge you are
willing to do something different with your
life. To change from being sick in your addiction
to living a life in recovery, listening, learning,
absorbing and applying a program of recovery
in all areas of your life to achieve health, happiness,
and honesty.
If the courts throw you a lifeline, accept
it with humility to begin a new chapter
in your life. Freedom from the chains of
addiction that have held you down far to
long.
Accept a program of recovery and
ask for help. If the court sees that
you are honestly willing to do what
it takes to regain your life then they
will help you.
If you have faith ask for help and
you will be guided and strengthen
from Above. Your Higher Power of
your understanding.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by getright15
I've went sober day after sober not expecting life to just be fantastic but man just a little bit better than when I was boozing it up.
Your life sober isn't the problem, it's the drinking from untreated alcoholism. And its not an attitude problem...it's a thinking problem, skewed from alcoholism.
I hope you can get back on track.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
[QUOTE=getright15;5948924. I think my point in this ramble is that it doesnt matter how good you try to clean up your act and stay on the straight and narrow the alcoholic wreckage of your past always finds a why in to sh*t on your parade.
Out[/QUOTE]
Hello getit:
I think this is all AV. You alcoholic past really has no power. You do.
Did you have a plan? Were you working it?
Come on darling! It's time to face the music and this will pass. How will you handle situations that would prompt you to pick up in the future?
Blaming this or that doesn't help.
I'm happy to see you posting and hope to see you around.
Out[/QUOTE]
Hello getit:
I think this is all AV. You alcoholic past really has no power. You do.
Did you have a plan? Were you working it?
Come on darling! It's time to face the music and this will pass. How will you handle situations that would prompt you to pick up in the future?
Blaming this or that doesn't help.
I'm happy to see you posting and hope to see you around.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Like I said man - I messed my life up so bad it took me a year to put it right.
That wasn't because I was sober - it was cleaning up the mess from when I was drunk.
Sure...a years a long time in a long of ways but nothing like the time I committed to drink and drugs and general foolishness.
Whether it's fair or not doesn't really come into it. If you want change you you have to reflect that choice in your actions.
It's hard sure - but drinking just makes it harder still.
If you're adding to the mess like I did by getting drunk again, you need a better plan.
D
That wasn't because I was sober - it was cleaning up the mess from when I was drunk.
Sure...a years a long time in a long of ways but nothing like the time I committed to drink and drugs and general foolishness.
Whether it's fair or not doesn't really come into it. If you want change you you have to reflect that choice in your actions.
It's hard sure - but drinking just makes it harder still.
If you're adding to the mess like I did by getting drunk again, you need a better plan.
D
Last edited by Dee74; 05-12-2016 at 05:18 AM.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
When I drink I'm completely, certifiably insane. That's been going on a while. But now I'm ALWAYS nuts when I drink. I've realized in spades that alcohol has caused so much brain damage that I will completely lose my mind if I continue. Liver? Its fine. Brain? Not so much.
I am the sole provider financially for my daughter. Her Dad is involved physically a couple of days a week (and he's a good dad) but his financial strength is zilch. If I lose it, get committed, kill myself? I have singlehandedly thrown my daughter into the hole with me.
My thinking is absolutely paramount if I'm going to succeed. I have to own my crap, not blame anyone or anything and put my big girl panties on. Could I blame my childhood? Sure, tried that. Could I blame sexual abuse? Sure. Assault? Sure. The traumatic death of my husband? Sure. My own 2 brushes with cancer? Sure. Mental illness? Sure. But that and a bottle of vodka will kill me. My addiction wants me to be defeatist, to give up, to wallow in self pity, to hate myself. I'm not going to let that happen. I can't. I don't want to.
Gratitude, acceptance, surrender. And guess what? Dropping the enormous weight that is my addiction? Just saying "I am NOT going to carry this around anymore!". Its pretty liberating.
Hang in there. One day at a time, one right action at a time, it will get better.
I am the sole provider financially for my daughter. Her Dad is involved physically a couple of days a week (and he's a good dad) but his financial strength is zilch. If I lose it, get committed, kill myself? I have singlehandedly thrown my daughter into the hole with me.
My thinking is absolutely paramount if I'm going to succeed. I have to own my crap, not blame anyone or anything and put my big girl panties on. Could I blame my childhood? Sure, tried that. Could I blame sexual abuse? Sure. Assault? Sure. The traumatic death of my husband? Sure. My own 2 brushes with cancer? Sure. Mental illness? Sure. But that and a bottle of vodka will kill me. My addiction wants me to be defeatist, to give up, to wallow in self pity, to hate myself. I'm not going to let that happen. I can't. I don't want to.
Gratitude, acceptance, surrender. And guess what? Dropping the enormous weight that is my addiction? Just saying "I am NOT going to carry this around anymore!". Its pretty liberating.
Hang in there. One day at a time, one right action at a time, it will get better.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 773
My two cents ... Life is full of highs and lows. And when we recognize changes we must make in our actions in order to attain a different outcome, we must also be patient as the momentum of our prior actions slows and eventually shifts in the new direction. I often think of this like a pendulum ... Whether it's having to be patient to see the perks of eating better, exercising, demonstrating value at work, improved behavior on my kids... Or sobriety. We didn't arrive where we are overnight and cannot expect to see instantaneous 100% improvement in these circumstances simply because we have changed our actions. It takes time for this new momentum to build.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
it's one thing to have been sober long term and THEN have actions from our drunken past FIND us, it's quite another when the latest issues stem from a few DAYS ago......
the moment you chose DRINKING as a SOLUTION is when the trouble came. because you opened the door and invited it in. there are other ways to deal with life on life's terms. especially when you are a full grown adult, husband and father with others depending on you.
so now is the time to get serious. to take every action necessary to assure a sober life. EVERY ACTION NECESSARY.
the moment you chose DRINKING as a SOLUTION is when the trouble came. because you opened the door and invited it in. there are other ways to deal with life on life's terms. especially when you are a full grown adult, husband and father with others depending on you.
so now is the time to get serious. to take every action necessary to assure a sober life. EVERY ACTION NECESSARY.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Hope things go as well as they can at court Getitright. The thought that you are "destined" to drink is BS, plain and simple. It's just another excuse your addiction would have you use.
Do you really want your kids and your wife to remember you that way- the guy who said "screw it" and just drank? And threw away their lives along with yours?
Do you really want your kids and your wife to remember you that way- the guy who said "screw it" and just drank? And threw away their lives along with yours?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Nonsensical
What they say proves to be true once again - there isn't anything in life so bad that drinking can't make it worse.
Good luck today. Rootin' for ya!
Good luck today. Rootin' for ya!
and tbe sh*tclouds disappeared when i got sober, cleaned up the sh*tpiles i left in my wake, a d changed my perceptions- got me some gratitude even through the rough patches of life on lifes terms.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Nevada
Posts: 523
Hello all,
Thanks for all the responses. So I got home today and I didn't have to go to jail. I went to court with my sponsor and my lawyer. Thank my higher power for having them along with me throughout this battle. So to spill the beans the sponsor I have is new. We've know each other since my time in Intense Out Patient and he has been sober since he graduated. Hes knows the big book in and out and it complete no nonsense which is what I really need. My other sponsor was really laid back and we're great friends, but I need more. My lawyer worked out a deal for me. Basically I have to wear the ankle bracelet that shows I'm not drinking for 60 days. I personally think it's awesome because this is exactly what I need to start my new chapter. My plan as I've been asked here a few times. 90 meeting in 90 days. I will be meeting with my sponsor 2 times a week and going over the steps and readings. Meanwhile I just want to get life back in order.
Thanks again for everyones comments!
Thanks for all the responses. So I got home today and I didn't have to go to jail. I went to court with my sponsor and my lawyer. Thank my higher power for having them along with me throughout this battle. So to spill the beans the sponsor I have is new. We've know each other since my time in Intense Out Patient and he has been sober since he graduated. Hes knows the big book in and out and it complete no nonsense which is what I really need. My other sponsor was really laid back and we're great friends, but I need more. My lawyer worked out a deal for me. Basically I have to wear the ankle bracelet that shows I'm not drinking for 60 days. I personally think it's awesome because this is exactly what I need to start my new chapter. My plan as I've been asked here a few times. 90 meeting in 90 days. I will be meeting with my sponsor 2 times a week and going over the steps and readings. Meanwhile I just want to get life back in order.
Thanks again for everyones comments!
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