Musings
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Musings
Having difficulty focusing today, I will try to convey my thoughts concisely.
I mentioned the other day that I had a friend who was a Prince lover, he's an eclectic guy and made his living on the wrong side of the law. I reached out to him to see how he was handling the situation last week and did not hear back. Got a call from him this morning, he was in Amsterdam and is now in Minnesota for a couple weeks and wants to get together. I have not seen him in person since he got out of prison. I'm not too worried about it as we both "grew up" and are now married and live an honest life. But I'd be lying if some things that we did aren't dancing around in the back of my head. I hope our meeting doesn't devolve into war stories about a life lived long ago. It will be interesting.
A more pressing issue is that I am having some self doubt and lack of confidence creep into my thoughts and it has lasted for several days. The best I can describe is it is a small amount of irrational fear. I've done what I believe is necessary to prepare for my new life in the working world. I have gotten a physical, my eyes checked this morning, the dentist last week, fresh haircut and completed my resume and cover letter.
What's off-putting is that the feeling of "fear" I'm having is very similar to the fear that I would get after being drunk for 2 days. Maybe what I am experiencing are perfectly normal things like pink clouds and paws, I don't know.
At this point I'm coming to the conclusion that the best thing I can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other, continue living life sober, and try to accomplish something each day to build self esteem. Today so far has been resume, cover letter, eye doctor, haircut, mow the lawn, workout and try to contribute some thoughtful responses on SR.
Input is welcome.
I mentioned the other day that I had a friend who was a Prince lover, he's an eclectic guy and made his living on the wrong side of the law. I reached out to him to see how he was handling the situation last week and did not hear back. Got a call from him this morning, he was in Amsterdam and is now in Minnesota for a couple weeks and wants to get together. I have not seen him in person since he got out of prison. I'm not too worried about it as we both "grew up" and are now married and live an honest life. But I'd be lying if some things that we did aren't dancing around in the back of my head. I hope our meeting doesn't devolve into war stories about a life lived long ago. It will be interesting.
A more pressing issue is that I am having some self doubt and lack of confidence creep into my thoughts and it has lasted for several days. The best I can describe is it is a small amount of irrational fear. I've done what I believe is necessary to prepare for my new life in the working world. I have gotten a physical, my eyes checked this morning, the dentist last week, fresh haircut and completed my resume and cover letter.
What's off-putting is that the feeling of "fear" I'm having is very similar to the fear that I would get after being drunk for 2 days. Maybe what I am experiencing are perfectly normal things like pink clouds and paws, I don't know.
At this point I'm coming to the conclusion that the best thing I can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other, continue living life sober, and try to accomplish something each day to build self esteem. Today so far has been resume, cover letter, eye doctor, haircut, mow the lawn, workout and try to contribute some thoughtful responses on SR.
Input is welcome.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Jeff, I think you're doing great and I think your plan is well thought out. You've accomplished a lot today! It's normal to have doubts and concerns and it sounds to me like you're experiencing some anxiety. Recovery, combined with meeting up with an old friend, and combined with getting back into the work force, is bound to cause some anxiety. Keep doing what you're doing and move forward a bit each day. Connect with your soul and have confidence that you are choosing to do the right things. Try to add something relaxing to your day such as a good movie, a walk, music, something like that. 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
I think you're doing great too.
I'm not sure how close you are to this friend or how comfortable with the idea you might be, but if you are having niggling worries maybe just be open with him about your feelings and reminiscing on old times, and where you're at now.
You know what's best for you, you definitely have nothing to be ashamed about in sharing and if he's any kind of a friend he'll respect that.
Otherwise, just keep doing what you're doing
I find the more open I am when I need to be has helped to keep me solid on my path. The more I keep to myself the easier it is for me to slip.
I'm not sure how close you are to this friend or how comfortable with the idea you might be, but if you are having niggling worries maybe just be open with him about your feelings and reminiscing on old times, and where you're at now.
You know what's best for you, you definitely have nothing to be ashamed about in sharing and if he's any kind of a friend he'll respect that.
Otherwise, just keep doing what you're doing
I find the more open I am when I need to be has helped to keep me solid on my path. The more I keep to myself the easier it is for me to slip.
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
Originally Posted by Delizadee 
I think you're doing great too.
I'm not sure how close you are to this friend or how comfortable with the idea you might be, but if you are having niggling worries maybe just be open with him about your feelings and reminiscing on old times, and where you're at now.
You know what's best for you, you definitely have nothing to be ashamed about in sharing and if he's any kind of a friend he'll respect that.
Otherwise, just keep doing what you're doing
I find the more open I am when I need to be has helped to keep me solid on my path. The more I keep to myself the easier it is for me to slip.
I'm not sure how close you are to this friend or how comfortable with the idea you might be, but if you are having niggling worries maybe just be open with him about your feelings and reminiscing on old times, and where you're at now.
You know what's best for you, you definitely have nothing to be ashamed about in sharing and if he's any kind of a friend he'll respect that.
Otherwise, just keep doing what you're doing
I find the more open I am when I need to be has helped to keep me solid on my path. The more I keep to myself the easier it is for me to slip.
It is great to hear how you are moving forward in your sober life
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 63
You're doing great! Your last paragraph in your post sums it all up for you. Keep doing the next right thing and prepare yourself for an awesome journey. More will be revealed...if we sincerely do the work. Peace...out
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I'd like to share something I did today that I feel good about and its a little lengthy.
I went to get my haircut today and I go to this place where you can walk right in. Not a single person was there, only the manager and one stylist. The stylist comes to the counter and starts reading the company greeting off a card, kind of slowly. My immediate response was "oh no, were not doing this". This young gal I believe had a very slight learning disability and was fresh out of school. I went along with it for awhile, as she was again talking to me as I sat in the chair from a card. I was just about to get out of the chair and either leave or request the manager, a thought crossed my mind.
The thought was that this poor girl probably hardly ever gets a chance to cut someone's hair and today I was going to give her that opportunity. I've known that manager for 5 years and I knew if there was a problem, she'd fix it up. I remembered when I started my business that I had to have someone give me an OPPORTUNITY before I could do the job.
I was the only customer there, so I proceeded to have a conversation with her, and this girl worked at Burger King full time and put herself through cosmetology school and graduated. Sure, she might be a little slow and her social skills lacking, but dammit she worked her butt off to improve her life and I have tons of respect for anyone who does that. So I let her cut my hair, talked to her like a normal person (instead of treating her differently like I'm sure many do), gave her a $5 tip and told her not to be nervous, she's gonna do just fine and have a great career. Felt good.
I went to get my haircut today and I go to this place where you can walk right in. Not a single person was there, only the manager and one stylist. The stylist comes to the counter and starts reading the company greeting off a card, kind of slowly. My immediate response was "oh no, were not doing this". This young gal I believe had a very slight learning disability and was fresh out of school. I went along with it for awhile, as she was again talking to me as I sat in the chair from a card. I was just about to get out of the chair and either leave or request the manager, a thought crossed my mind.
The thought was that this poor girl probably hardly ever gets a chance to cut someone's hair and today I was going to give her that opportunity. I've known that manager for 5 years and I knew if there was a problem, she'd fix it up. I remembered when I started my business that I had to have someone give me an OPPORTUNITY before I could do the job.
I was the only customer there, so I proceeded to have a conversation with her, and this girl worked at Burger King full time and put herself through cosmetology school and graduated. Sure, she might be a little slow and her social skills lacking, but dammit she worked her butt off to improve her life and I have tons of respect for anyone who does that. So I let her cut my hair, talked to her like a normal person (instead of treating her differently like I'm sure many do), gave her a $5 tip and told her not to be nervous, she's gonna do just fine and have a great career. Felt good.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 801
You are doing great Jeff, what I see from reading your post is someone in recovery being mindful not only in the moment but also into the future and meeting an old friend, in short planning ahead while reflecting on what you guys used to do and knowing what your boundaries are, from where I sit you are on a solid track.
All the best
Andrew
All the best
Andrew
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I also think it's perfectly natural to feel some fear Jeff...and perfectly natural for you to equate that fear to drinking experiences - we both did a lot of drinking so we have a lot of experiences to call on.
Hope you have a good week
D
Hope you have a good week
D
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