Help a father, please!
If you have kids on drugs or alcohol, please help! We need someone who has been through this.
I wanted to ask help here because I don't have anywhere else to turn. Yes, I've tried forums, counsellors, etc. and even have this same post in other communities, just trying to get as much help as we can on the situation.
My son is 22 years old and on drugs
My wife and I are pulling our hair out wondering what to do. The rehab people and specialist only seem to want money, or maybe we're just going to the wrong places? His current counselor told him that WE are crazy parents because we track his car and have cameras in our house. He pays her with his military insurance. Yes, my son is in the reserves.
Anyway, my son is doing the following
- Smoking pot
- Drinking liquor
- Huffing air duster
- Snorting Adderall
- Other stuff not confirmed yet
He smokes pot daily, usually all day. The drinking is only when he can't get the pot, and the air duster is down to a few times a month (we think).
The huffing of air duster is dangerous because it can kill you instantly, it's not like a whippet from whip cream as some people think. At one point he was doing four cans a day, look it up on YouTube to see how bad it is. The snorting of Adderall is for a super high that can also kill you, lots of bad side effects as well. He also was doing the K2 spice at one point. It seems like he just wants to remain high and messed up all the time.
He has also been diagnosed with depression, OCD, and ADHD. However, these all came when he was doing drugs, back when he went to boot camp he had to quit doing everything, and he was perfectly fine afterwards, he was happy, back to normal, no issues. So I think many of the issues he has is from the drug use.
He has passed out once doing air duster and flipped his car (totaling it) but told us someone ran him off the road, over a year ago. He passed out in the house after doing air duster; he hit the marble counter top and the floor. Blood was everywhere, and his teeth were a little loose. He also passed out and ran in the middle of the median on the beltline about six months ago from air duster.
He use to go to McDonalds and fill his cup up with vodka to hide it when he lived with his old girlfriend. He left the house once and drove away drunk. He walked down the highway once drunk and was brought home by the sheriff. So we found out he did huffing and driving, drinking and driving, smoking pot and driving. He has passed out twice from huffing which could have killed him or someone else.
We love our son, of course, we all make mistakes and need help. All his friends are gone and in college. He broke up with his girlfriend. He did move out once to live with his girlfriend, but he didn't have to pay rent, her mom let him live there for free. When he did live there, he got worse, drank more, smoked pot all day and huffed four cans a day of air duster. He was stealing it all from Walmart
Even with him doing all this he is still doing well in college and working a full-time job. He lives with us again now, goes to the gym, plays his video games and functions fine besides the other issues above. When not doing drugs he's a pleasure and great person to be with and my best friend. He hangs out with us, makes us laugh, etc. Our family is a strong, praying, Christian family who loves God and Jesus and prays daily for everyone.
So we are stuck between a rock and a hard place.
With him being over 22 we can't get him thrown into rehab. We have been to the hospital before five times, they never keep him, we went to the magistrate and had him sent in, and they don't keep him. We aren't doing that anymore because HE has to be the one to want to quit and get help! He has also said he would commit suicide, he has said this over 50 times, but he only says it to his mom or sister to pull on her heart strings. Last time he said he would kill himself, we called the cops, the cops pinged his cell phone and found him in the car huffing air duster. The police took him to Holly Hill (mental place), and the staff released him 30 minutes later because he seemed ok.
Air Duster gets out of your system in minutes, but doing it can kill you instantly. Many people say let him hit rock bottom, throw him out of the house, take his car, take everything. He has stressed my wife out to the point where she has severe anxiety and panic attacks, she always worries about him.
1) We expect to find him a room to share in a house with two other people for $400 a month. We will move him out and pay the first months rent, after that he has to pay the rent etc. This will take up some of his money he has free now for drugs, etc. and won't let him be comfortable at home around mom and dad, he is almost 22.
2) We will keep the car tracker on the car; it shows us down to the inch where the car is located. He will only be able to use it to go to college, work and the gym. If he goes anywhere else, we will get rid of the car and he will have to figure out transportation on his own. The problem with where we live is everything is spread to far out and no bus transportation etc. You can't walk or ride a bike. His school is 30 miles away.
3) Then if he does graduate and gets accepted to college, we will pay for that and allow him to go to school.
He will need to figure out when to quit doing drugs and alcohol on his own, and we will point him in the right direction. But we do need to get him out of the home and let him start handling everything himself.
NOTE: Many people say kick him out, don't help him get a place, don't give him a car, leave him with nothing. In my opinion, that leaves someone with nothing, no hope, nothing. At least getting him started like outlined above will give him some form of hope, then whatever happens to him after that is by his choice.
Any thoughts and comments would be great!