Life please give me a break
...holds the key
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 7,065
(((MIR))) you and your beloved pup are in my prayers. I hope knowing this entire community loves you and supports you helps to ease the burden just a little. Hang in there. It won't always be this way. 
Xoxo
Xoxo
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Hang in there MIR. I'm so sorry for all that you are and have been through. I will keep you in my prayers. You are obviously a very strong person. It is showing me that if you can get through what you've been through sober than I can stay sober too.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,685
I wish I had some words for you, MIR. The best I can do is a virtual hug. I can't fathom what you're going through despite watching my parents go through something similar when my brother died. I do know how strong you are having read your previous posts. Again, you are an inspiration with your strength and determination. Please take care of yourself. Call someone if you can. You're in my prayers.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
I can't find any words of comfort.
About twenty years ago, two people who meant a great deal to me died within a couple of months of each other. One died after struggling with cancer for several months, the other went quickly following a diagnosis of another kind of cancer. I was very busy at the time, and arranged my schedule so that I could be with one or the other, sometimes both, nearly every day. There was nothing else to do. I was sober for twelve years at the time, and I didn't drink. It never occurred to me to do so.
Years later, I suffered through a few personal and professional setbacks, disappointments, really. More loss. Still didn't drink. I looked both inwards and back at the time, and I wasn't certain that I had fully grieved the personal losses I described above. We never are.
At some point in 2008, I found myself not caring about things anymore, things that had long been important to me. I gave up. And then I drank. For three years, after twenty five years without a drink. My drinking nearly killed me the second time around, including several unscheduled trips to the ER. I continued to drink. It was, by far, the worst choice I'd ever made in my life. There are things that I cannot rebuild and people who I cannot replace. The loss of time and the life that went with it speaks for itself.
There are times in our lives when we have nothing to hold on to, nothing to do, and nowhere to go. I didn't stop drinking because I believed I could live a better life. I stopped drinking because I could no longer function. I'd relinquished completely the ownership of my own life. It was only in sobriety that I found purpose in life through my suffering. This was, apparently, the only way for me.
When suffering loses its meaning, then we're at the end of the line. Where and what that line is I do not know. And even though it's invisible, it most definitely is there. I know, because I've been there maybe a half-dozen times in my life. Yet here I am. And here you are. Inspiring others as you consistently do.
You're in my prayers.
About twenty years ago, two people who meant a great deal to me died within a couple of months of each other. One died after struggling with cancer for several months, the other went quickly following a diagnosis of another kind of cancer. I was very busy at the time, and arranged my schedule so that I could be with one or the other, sometimes both, nearly every day. There was nothing else to do. I was sober for twelve years at the time, and I didn't drink. It never occurred to me to do so.
Years later, I suffered through a few personal and professional setbacks, disappointments, really. More loss. Still didn't drink. I looked both inwards and back at the time, and I wasn't certain that I had fully grieved the personal losses I described above. We never are.
At some point in 2008, I found myself not caring about things anymore, things that had long been important to me. I gave up. And then I drank. For three years, after twenty five years without a drink. My drinking nearly killed me the second time around, including several unscheduled trips to the ER. I continued to drink. It was, by far, the worst choice I'd ever made in my life. There are things that I cannot rebuild and people who I cannot replace. The loss of time and the life that went with it speaks for itself.
There are times in our lives when we have nothing to hold on to, nothing to do, and nowhere to go. I didn't stop drinking because I believed I could live a better life. I stopped drinking because I could no longer function. I'd relinquished completely the ownership of my own life. It was only in sobriety that I found purpose in life through my suffering. This was, apparently, the only way for me.
When suffering loses its meaning, then we're at the end of the line. Where and what that line is I do not know. And even though it's invisible, it most definitely is there. I know, because I've been there maybe a half-dozen times in my life. Yet here I am. And here you are. Inspiring others as you consistently do.
You're in my prayers.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
I am so sorry for your struggles MIR. As a father, I can't bring myself to imagine the pain you must carry with you. We lost our 12 year old Lab, Bailey, a few weeks ago. I am truly sorry your family member is not doing well. Always remember, you are never alone.
My heart felt thoughts and prayers are with you my friend.
My heart felt thoughts and prayers are with you my friend.
A Day at a Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
This Golden is the best dog I have had and we usually have 2 or 3 dogs always. He is a wopper. He is over weigh now but even at his optimal weight he still would be a 110 lbs or 50 kg.
I was painting the living room trim with a smaller container of paint. I looked to see white paint foot prints across the carpet and there he is looking guilty on a Navy blue leather chair with paint running down the front. To this day I ask myself how is it even possible a dog could step in gallon of paint.
God I love Big Daddy and will miss him so much
I was painting the living room trim with a smaller container of paint. I looked to see white paint foot prints across the carpet and there he is looking guilty on a Navy blue leather chair with paint running down the front. To this day I ask myself how is it even possible a dog could step in gallon of paint.
God I love Big Daddy and will miss him so much
EnjoyingTheJourney
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 3,847
Dear MIR.....My thoughts and heartfelt prayers are with you during this difficult time. The dignity and strength very apparent in your posts as you deal with the unimaginable loss of your daughter inspire me and no doubt many many others. Sending hugs to you and your beloved Golden. 
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Not sure which is worse; going without your dog or without your wife...I know, bad joke. Okay-I depend on my dog and my spouse quite a lot so I understand. So sorry about your daughter. Glad you won't drink and that you can come here and be reminded of how much support you have.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,643
MIR, I am so sorry for all of the suffering you have been through. As a parent, I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been for you and your wife. I have lost several fur babies over the years, and it never gets easier. Sending a prayer for you, MIR, that your pup doesn’t suffer and that you will bring him comfort with your presence.
A Day at a Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Waiting for a call from the vet. She is coming over to the house for an evaluation. I don't think she has any magic. The time has come to say goodbye. Tears are flowing
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
So sad to hear the suffering you're going through right now MIR. So much loss.
The loss of a pet can be particularly hard as it's difficult for people who don't own one to empathise. Often their first question is "how old was he?" and then "well, isn't that normal for a...." as if that somehow means you shouldn't be grieving. Doesn't work that way.
I'm glad you're facing all of this without considering drinking, but it feels particularly unfair that you're having to cope with so much at once. My thoughts are very much with you now.
The loss of a pet can be particularly hard as it's difficult for people who don't own one to empathise. Often their first question is "how old was he?" and then "well, isn't that normal for a...." as if that somehow means you shouldn't be grieving. Doesn't work that way.
I'm glad you're facing all of this without considering drinking, but it feels particularly unfair that you're having to cope with so much at once. My thoughts are very much with you now.
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