Keep on going - it really does keep getting better
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Keep on going - it really does keep getting better
I've managed to get this far (111 days) with a fair few ups and downs and there has been some pretty rough times where I have found it extremely difficult for one reason or another, however with the help of SR / the guys in the November Class / the local authority team I'm under / my GP and most of all the support of my family & close friends I have been able to reach out, seek help and work at putting things right, finding this place was absolutely crucial though as I realised very quickly that sobriety was the only way forward and that it was possible to lead a happy life without drink and drugs, out of control for far too long I just didn't want to accept it and couldn't really see it - when I did...BANG.....it hit hard and I guess it needed too.
The title of my very first post/thread on SR was "too close to the edge" and that was exactly how it was for me, the lot truly was on the line and I was personally in a very bad place.
The knowledge of that and the fear of losing my family / job / home / sanity was enough to make me realise this just had to stick no matter what and no matter how difficult it may be at times, the daft thing is for many months / years even I'd thought it would inevitably eventually happen but I would be happy just drinking and drugging when the lot slipped away, I really had convinced myself that I was happiest in that drunken / drugged up stupor and it was what I really wanted, when it came close to reality it scared the living daylights out of me and woke me up to what I was doing and where my life was heading - thankfully !!
The fact I can pinpoint the lowest point and see it clearly in my minds eye and can feel the sheer fear of what was happening by thinking back to that point has kept me focused and determined that I will not / can not pick up another drink or drug, I am the one who controls that and no matter how much I may have wanted to or may want to at some stage in the future the risk is too great and one that I know will inevitably not end well.
At present I feel like I am riding the crest of a wave, I've made plenty of changes and keep working at working on them everyday, I've read so many times that it gets better and believe me it does if you stick with it, in fact it just keeps getting better but to get here it really has been a case of sticking with it at all times no matter what the pressures or urges / cravings are, I finally feel free of the control that drink and drugs had over me and realise that I am the one who is in control of what I put in my body.
The title of my very first post/thread on SR was "too close to the edge" and that was exactly how it was for me, the lot truly was on the line and I was personally in a very bad place.
The knowledge of that and the fear of losing my family / job / home / sanity was enough to make me realise this just had to stick no matter what and no matter how difficult it may be at times, the daft thing is for many months / years even I'd thought it would inevitably eventually happen but I would be happy just drinking and drugging when the lot slipped away, I really had convinced myself that I was happiest in that drunken / drugged up stupor and it was what I really wanted, when it came close to reality it scared the living daylights out of me and woke me up to what I was doing and where my life was heading - thankfully !!
The fact I can pinpoint the lowest point and see it clearly in my minds eye and can feel the sheer fear of what was happening by thinking back to that point has kept me focused and determined that I will not / can not pick up another drink or drug, I am the one who controls that and no matter how much I may have wanted to or may want to at some stage in the future the risk is too great and one that I know will inevitably not end well.
At present I feel like I am riding the crest of a wave, I've made plenty of changes and keep working at working on them everyday, I've read so many times that it gets better and believe me it does if you stick with it, in fact it just keeps getting better but to get here it really has been a case of sticking with it at all times no matter what the pressures or urges / cravings are, I finally feel free of the control that drink and drugs had over me and realise that I am the one who is in control of what I put in my body.
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