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My drinking was kind of all over the place, and was never really an everyday thing. In college it was sporadic, but only out with friends. Never really drank aside from that, never in the daytime, never really alone.
Recently it has become more of a daily thing, to where I will drink wine when I am making dinner, and then it just sort of continues on. I will have a drink, then another, then another, then one with dinner....then it just sort of keeps going sometimes with its own steam behind it. For a long time I never saw it as a problem because I was drinking really good wine and champagne and loved the taste and trying new varietals since I worked at a wine store, and really love the history and nuances of each wine, and really drank to appreciate the product and not to get drunk. It just seemed that more often after work, I would make plans to lift or run or something and then would end up being like "oh I had a glass or two of wine and will hold off tonight" Even now it is not specifically a everyday thing, and I will sometimes go for a week or month off if I really want to, but find myself sometimes wanting to just absent mindedly reach for a glass of wine if I sit down to watch a movie or something.
It seems to have ramped up now that my one friend who is definitely an alcoholic has moved by me, and who I have started hanging out with again. That is when I started picking up on this blackout/drunk driving thing, and who I have decided to cut out hanging out with from here on out even though he is a good friend.
As of right now, I have not had anything in 4 days, and it seems to be going well, just hard to keep focused.
Recently it has become more of a daily thing, to where I will drink wine when I am making dinner, and then it just sort of continues on. I will have a drink, then another, then another, then one with dinner....then it just sort of keeps going sometimes with its own steam behind it. For a long time I never saw it as a problem because I was drinking really good wine and champagne and loved the taste and trying new varietals since I worked at a wine store, and really love the history and nuances of each wine, and really drank to appreciate the product and not to get drunk. It just seemed that more often after work, I would make plans to lift or run or something and then would end up being like "oh I had a glass or two of wine and will hold off tonight" Even now it is not specifically a everyday thing, and I will sometimes go for a week or month off if I really want to, but find myself sometimes wanting to just absent mindedly reach for a glass of wine if I sit down to watch a movie or something.
It seems to have ramped up now that my one friend who is definitely an alcoholic has moved by me, and who I have started hanging out with again. That is when I started picking up on this blackout/drunk driving thing, and who I have decided to cut out hanging out with from here on out even though he is a good friend.
As of right now, I have not had anything in 4 days, and it seems to be going well, just hard to keep focused.
Originally Posted by MikeM 
Welcome TopGun! I'm happy you found this place and are looking for help. And you can get a lot of help here. Go through the links that have been posted and take all this very seriously.
Because it is. As you said, you do dangerous things when you drink. Stop before something bad actually happens!
And you don't need to hit bottom to quit. Hitting bottom is perceived to be a method to finally truly want to quit. But you just have to want to quit.
Furthermore, I've relapsed often. And I used needing to hit bottom as an excuse. "I haven't hit bottom yet, so I need to keep drinking until I do." That must be one of the stupidest things I've ever heard. Think about. You are going to quit but first something horrible needs to happen before you do? Better quit now and prevent the horrible thing.
Btw, how much did you drink? And how often?
Because it is. As you said, you do dangerous things when you drink. Stop before something bad actually happens!
And you don't need to hit bottom to quit. Hitting bottom is perceived to be a method to finally truly want to quit. But you just have to want to quit.
Furthermore, I've relapsed often. And I used needing to hit bottom as an excuse. "I haven't hit bottom yet, so I need to keep drinking until I do." That must be one of the stupidest things I've ever heard. Think about. You are going to quit but first something horrible needs to happen before you do? Better quit now and prevent the horrible thing.
Btw, how much did you drink? And how often?
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That is the worst part, A good friend was killed by a drunk driver last month
Originally Posted by ChloeRose63
Top Gun. Please give someone who is going to be sober your car keys! You are going to kill someone or yourself driving while intoxicated. If you want to hit rock bottom go to the morgue and see how devastating death is. Better yet, go to a funeral of a child or a parent who was killed by a drunk driver and see if you ever want to do that to a family. Time to make some serious decisions before it is too late.
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I would say that when I would go out with friends I might have 5-7 beers, some shots,, some beer at the bar
Staying in I would have a bottle of wine a night, maybe more depending on if I was bored
I was never one for mixed drinks, and it would throw me off when I would hang out with people who were buying rounds of mixed drinks, as certain bars pour strong, and those are the situations where I end up at 3am blackout like "what just happened."
It sounds very strange, (and probably some of you can relate to this since I am seeing a lot of similarities in a lot of posts on here), but looking back I wish that I had never ever made it to that imaginary line and crossed it because I really do/did love alcohol so much. Not just the intoxicant part of it but the taste, varieties, experience (example: sitting down with a seasonal beer after skiing or something, a glass of amazing red wine with a great steak dinner) and really almost feel sad that I have to make a choice regarding letting all of that go because I crossed a line that I never even knew existed and was in front of me until miles after crossing it. It is almost letting a friend go that you know that you will miss in a extremely weird way
Staying in I would have a bottle of wine a night, maybe more depending on if I was bored
I was never one for mixed drinks, and it would throw me off when I would hang out with people who were buying rounds of mixed drinks, as certain bars pour strong, and those are the situations where I end up at 3am blackout like "what just happened."
It sounds very strange, (and probably some of you can relate to this since I am seeing a lot of similarities in a lot of posts on here), but looking back I wish that I had never ever made it to that imaginary line and crossed it because I really do/did love alcohol so much. Not just the intoxicant part of it but the taste, varieties, experience (example: sitting down with a seasonal beer after skiing or something, a glass of amazing red wine with a great steak dinner) and really almost feel sad that I have to make a choice regarding letting all of that go because I crossed a line that I never even knew existed and was in front of me until miles after crossing it. It is almost letting a friend go that you know that you will miss in a extremely weird way
Originally Posted by MikeM
Welcome TopGun! I'm happy you found this place and are looking for help. And you can get a lot of help here. Go through the links that have been posted and take all this very seriously.
Because it is. As you said, you do dangerous things when you drink. Stop before something bad actually happens!
And you don't need to hit bottom to quit. Hitting bottom is perceived to be a method to finally truly want to quit. But you just have to want to quit.
Furthermore, I've relapsed often. And I used needing to hit bottom as an excuse. "I haven't hit bottom yet, so I need to keep drinking until I do." That must be one of the stupidest things I've ever heard. Think about. You are going to quit but first something horrible needs to happen before you do? Better quit now and prevent the horrible thing.
Btw, how much did you drink? And how often?
Because it is. As you said, you do dangerous things when you drink. Stop before something bad actually happens!
And you don't need to hit bottom to quit. Hitting bottom is perceived to be a method to finally truly want to quit. But you just have to want to quit.
Furthermore, I've relapsed often. And I used needing to hit bottom as an excuse. "I haven't hit bottom yet, so I need to keep drinking until I do." That must be one of the stupidest things I've ever heard. Think about. You are going to quit but first something horrible needs to happen before you do? Better quit now and prevent the horrible thing.
Btw, how much did you drink? And how often?
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It was never a friend. And what will you really be missing, if you look at ALL the things life has to offer? You won't be missing anything.
You do have a problem. That is clear. And your attempt as sobriety is great, but it feels, what's the word... "shaky". If that makes sense. Like it doesn't have a stable basis.
I think rehab would do you a lot of good.
You do have a problem. That is clear. And your attempt as sobriety is great, but it feels, what's the word... "shaky". If that makes sense. Like it doesn't have a stable basis.
I think rehab would do you a lot of good.
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Ive been wondering the same thing
Originally Posted by MikeM
It was never a friend. And what will you really be missing, if you look at ALL the things life has to offer? You won't be missing anything.
You do have a problem. That is clear. And your attempt as sobriety is great, but it feels, what's the word... "shaky". If that makes sense. Like it doesn't have a stable basis.
I think rehab would do you a lot of good.
You do have a problem. That is clear. And your attempt as sobriety is great, but it feels, what's the word... "shaky". If that makes sense. Like it doesn't have a stable basis.
I think rehab would do you a lot of good.
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Originally Posted by TopGun1
Ive been wondering the same thing
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What makes you think that rehab would be best vs a program or something of that nature? I just wondered since you were specific in the recommendation
Originally Posted by MikeM
Is there anything standing in the way of you going to rehab? If not, go for it! Reading your posts, it just feels like the right thing for you. And all you have to lose is your addiction, so that seems like a good plan.
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Originally Posted by TopGun1
What makes you think that rehab would be best vs a program or something of that nature? I just wondered since you were specific in the recommendation
I may be wrong. Part of this is intuition. But somehow it feels like it fits.
And besides, rehab is one of the best ways to go if you need help. They're very specialized.
Does that fit with what you yourself think is best for you?
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haha what my brain is telling me is probably not what is best for me. I can accept that at this point for sure.
Originally Posted by MikeM
It's in the things you said and the sense I got from you. You have put yourself in dangerous situations. You are so new to sobriety and it feels like you don't have any solid basis for it. There are many routes one can take, it just seems like something where you can be away from your environment and really work on your drinking problem is the best for you.
I may be wrong. Part of this is intuition. But somehow it feels like it fits.
And besides, rehab is one of the best ways to go if you need help. They're very specialized.
Does that fit with what you yourself think is best for you?
I may be wrong. Part of this is intuition. But somehow it feels like it fits.
And besides, rehab is one of the best ways to go if you need help. They're very specialized.
Does that fit with what you yourself think is best for you?
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Welcome aboard Topgun. This community is full of wisdom and understanding.
No matter what source of recovery you choose, they all require one common element... 100% commitment. Until you commit totally to yourself, you won't be happy with the result.
I doubt many of us here started out drinking as much as we did when we quit. Alcoholism is progressive and will get worse the more you give into it. By the time I quit, I was drinking morning through night; never had a DUI, still happily married, have two great kids, held down a well paying job, etc. To the outside world, I was no where near rock-bottom. But, within myself I knew I was nearing rock-bottom which was death if I didn't stop.
It took me way too many years to figure this out. Before I found SR, I had pretty much lost hope. This community put hope back into my perspective.
Decide what you want to get out of your future. Mold that future by your actions today. If that includes not drinking, then find that power within yourself to give it up. We can help you.
For me, drinking will never be part of my future again. I promise you this, you won't regret the decision to quit.
Glad you found us. Welcome aboard!
No matter what source of recovery you choose, they all require one common element... 100% commitment. Until you commit totally to yourself, you won't be happy with the result.
I doubt many of us here started out drinking as much as we did when we quit. Alcoholism is progressive and will get worse the more you give into it. By the time I quit, I was drinking morning through night; never had a DUI, still happily married, have two great kids, held down a well paying job, etc. To the outside world, I was no where near rock-bottom. But, within myself I knew I was nearing rock-bottom which was death if I didn't stop.
It took me way too many years to figure this out. Before I found SR, I had pretty much lost hope. This community put hope back into my perspective.
Decide what you want to get out of your future. Mold that future by your actions today. If that includes not drinking, then find that power within yourself to give it up. We can help you.
For me, drinking will never be part of my future again. I promise you this, you won't regret the decision to quit.
Glad you found us. Welcome aboard!
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on day 10 here! The start was a little rocky and I had these terrible anxiety attacks in the beginning, but after those tapered off, it was a lot more bearable. One thing that is a problem for me, and has been a big one, is the fact that my brain wants to run 10000 miles a minute every time my head hits the pillow, and once I do actually make it to sleep (sometimes as late as 5 am) I seem to sleep forever. I am lucky to be between jobs right now (or unlucky lol) but it is not uncommon lately to get to bed at 6am one night, sleep until 2pm, go to bed at 5am the next, and wake up at 8. All over the place. One night I slept 15 hours
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Originally Posted by TopGun1
on day 10 here! The start was a little rocky and I had these terrible anxiety attacks in the beginning, but after those tapered off, it was a lot more bearable. One thing that is a problem for me, and has been a big one, is the fact that my brain wants to run 10000 miles a minute every time my head hits the pillow, and once I do actually make it to sleep (sometimes as late as 5 am) I seem to sleep forever. I am lucky to be between jobs right now (or unlucky lol) but it is not uncommon lately to get to bed at 6am one night, sleep until 2pm, go to bed at 5am the next, and wake up at 8. All over the place. One night I slept 15 hours
That's the worst part for me. I drink responsibly with others but at night I drink alone til I passout.
The last time I went to bed sober I was awake all night, just thinking, day dreaming. The alarm went off and I went to work, felt like I slept fine. Then after work I waited for a reasonable hour to start drinking and despite having been awake for 36 hours I stayed awake and drank til wee hours then passed out.
I don't know how my body could do that just for the mental desire to drink. It blew my mind.
I'm new today. I'm hoping tonight will be my day one. I'm waiting for the alarm clock in my head to go off telling me to start. That's where the battle will begin.
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