Good news and bad news
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Good news and bad news
Hello, I'm just checking in to check in. I don't know if I have a place here anymore because my problems seem more mental health related than anything but I trust you all and appreciate your support.
The good news, I woke, sober, this morning and took care of many things. Here in Italy everything is complicated. My health care and medications are free, but not without jumping through numerous hoops. I did all the stuff I needed to this morning to get my prescribed medications and now they are free.
I also got the news that my ex business partner is planning to pay one of the clients. Since I paid this client to cover the issue that means the money will come to me. Who knows if he will actually go through with this, but it is at least a good sign and means I will get back €5000 that I put out. Much, much needed as I am behind on my rent. Again, I don't want to get too excited but as this is official communication via his lawyer I am hopeful.
Next, I finally said the words to my mom: "please come here, I need you" I had tried avoiding it as she hates to fly but given my recent crisis and my lack of ability to handle it I felt I needed her, I finally asked her to come and she agreed. She has been sober for nearly 30 years and will be a big help. Oh, when you need your mom, you need your mom, no matter the age, right?
The bad news: I am massively depressed. I have to admit it. I have always tried to get by by thinking positively, being forcefully happy, trying to get up, go about my day and forcing my way into activity and happiness, but there is no way around it, I am depressed. I saw a psychiatrist for y most resent crisis and he prescribed me some medications. I am waiting for them t work but in the meantime I am so low. It is not me. I have always thought you 'fake it until you make it' and gone about my business. I am trying, I swear I am, I set my alarm and force myself to gt up, make the coffee, take a shower, get out, but I find myself coming home midday to sleep. I cry a lot by myself. It is now 19:45 in the evening and I just want to go to bed but I am forcing myself to write here, stay awake, do anything….. I can't lie, I want to drink but I know that will only worsen the depression issue.
Anyway, just posting to post.
The good news, I woke, sober, this morning and took care of many things. Here in Italy everything is complicated. My health care and medications are free, but not without jumping through numerous hoops. I did all the stuff I needed to this morning to get my prescribed medications and now they are free.
I also got the news that my ex business partner is planning to pay one of the clients. Since I paid this client to cover the issue that means the money will come to me. Who knows if he will actually go through with this, but it is at least a good sign and means I will get back €5000 that I put out. Much, much needed as I am behind on my rent. Again, I don't want to get too excited but as this is official communication via his lawyer I am hopeful.
Next, I finally said the words to my mom: "please come here, I need you" I had tried avoiding it as she hates to fly but given my recent crisis and my lack of ability to handle it I felt I needed her, I finally asked her to come and she agreed. She has been sober for nearly 30 years and will be a big help. Oh, when you need your mom, you need your mom, no matter the age, right?
The bad news: I am massively depressed. I have to admit it. I have always tried to get by by thinking positively, being forcefully happy, trying to get up, go about my day and forcing my way into activity and happiness, but there is no way around it, I am depressed. I saw a psychiatrist for y most resent crisis and he prescribed me some medications. I am waiting for them t work but in the meantime I am so low. It is not me. I have always thought you 'fake it until you make it' and gone about my business. I am trying, I swear I am, I set my alarm and force myself to gt up, make the coffee, take a shower, get out, but I find myself coming home midday to sleep. I cry a lot by myself. It is now 19:45 in the evening and I just want to go to bed but I am forcing myself to write here, stay awake, do anything….. I can't lie, I want to drink but I know that will only worsen the depression issue.
Anyway, just posting to post.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,877
Mera, you have been through so much lately; I would be surprised if you didn't feel very low.
As you work through the recent events and as the new medication takes effect, I suspect that you will begin to feel better.
Glad to hear that your Mom will be coming to help; that should be a boost in itself.
We are here for you, Mera.
Hugs.
As you work through the recent events and as the new medication takes effect, I suspect that you will begin to feel better.
Glad to hear that your Mom will be coming to help; that should be a boost in itself.
We are here for you, Mera.
Hugs.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
im glad you posted x It's great your mum is visiting to help out and your always welcome here Mera you know that well I hope you do
Sorry your feeling this down lean on us talk it out and know you always have a place here your Mera x
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
I'm so glad to hear your mom is coming to help out...a real hug is just what you need.
As for being depressed...it's not at all surprising after what you've been through. Your hormones are probably all over the place, which never helps.
You will get through this. Be gentle with yourself and try not to have expectations of how you should or shouldn't feel. Grieving is complicated and painful.
Sending you a hug...
As for being depressed...it's not at all surprising after what you've been through. Your hormones are probably all over the place, which never helps.
You will get through this. Be gentle with yourself and try not to have expectations of how you should or shouldn't feel. Grieving is complicated and painful.
Sending you a hug...
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
(((Mera)))!
Glad to hear your mom is coming. Do you have a scheduled follow-up visit with the doc to check on how you are responding to the meds? It can take some weeks for the meds to kick in but don't let it go on for too long.
I used to have major depressive disorder and when I had that, I wasn't able to pull myself out of it without help and support. Thankfully it has been many years since that so I can safely say that there are treatments even though it can take time to find the right one for you.
Are you seeing a psychiatrist? If not, you may want to consider that. A solid diagnosis can be critical to getting the best treatment for you.
I care!
Glad to hear your mom is coming. Do you have a scheduled follow-up visit with the doc to check on how you are responding to the meds? It can take some weeks for the meds to kick in but don't let it go on for too long.
I used to have major depressive disorder and when I had that, I wasn't able to pull myself out of it without help and support. Thankfully it has been many years since that so I can safely say that there are treatments even though it can take time to find the right one for you.
Are you seeing a psychiatrist? If not, you may want to consider that. A solid diagnosis can be critical to getting the best treatment for you.
I care!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
I have to be honest, I am drunk. I was also drinking when I initially posted. I need help. I am humble in my request. I need help. I know that tomorrow I will be sober, my kids are coming back from their vacation, they are the only reason for me to stay sober. I am depressed though, I am afraid. I am a drunk!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso 
I have to be honest, I am drunk. I was also drinking when I initially posted. I need help. I am humble in my request. I need help. I know that tomorrow I will be sober, my kids are coming back from their vacation, they are the only reason for me to stay sober. I am depressed though, I am afraid. I am a drunk!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
I've dumped the rest and am in bed. I promise Inwant to ne better.
We know you want to be better. We want you to be better too. I hope you can find a way to get some help tomorrow and start working on getting better. Sounds like you are on the right track with your new therapist, I'd call and let him know exactly where you are at with your drinking and see what he recommends.
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