Am I still welcome here? ;-)
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Of course you are welcome here 
I'm going to stay within the bounds of my own experience tho.
Drinking is not helping you deal with this, or get past this, and it's not helping you to gain clarity of mind.
I really think with a little sober time behind you you'll be able to deal with all of this better and with a clearer perspective.
Leave some of your energy aside for you and your recovery journey
D
I'm going to stay within the bounds of my own experience tho.
Drinking is not helping you deal with this, or get past this, and it's not helping you to gain clarity of mind.
I really think with a little sober time behind you you'll be able to deal with all of this better and with a clearer perspective.
Leave some of your energy aside for you and your recovery journey
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I believe that marriages are sacred ground and I (personally) prefer not to comment on them. But in this situation, I think one thing is clear....alcohol is involved and its a game changer. Infidelity, polygraphs etc...I hope you will agree with me, that its not "normal". Sorry for your situation, I wish you the very best going forward.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,431
Again, what outcome is best for you?
If he lied, and continues to lie, why would you want to continue in the relationship?
Sobriety would be a great first step for you in coming to terms with the present
choices and future actions.
Sometimes you just can't mend something as sacred as trust.
What is a marriage without it?
Wishing you the very best outcome for you and your family Susan
If he lied, and continues to lie, why would you want to continue in the relationship?
Sobriety would be a great first step for you in coming to terms with the present
choices and future actions.
Sometimes you just can't mend something as sacred as trust.
What is a marriage without it?
Wishing you the very best outcome for you and your family Susan
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 77
I trust my husband about as far as I can throw him. He knows this as I tell him this to his face. I was way too trusting. My husband works in education and a lot of educators are women.
He also does consulting work. He and these women go to hotels, go out to dinner, order a bottle of wine , and go back to their own rooms to sleep.
I get that some of you think I'm a dumb bunny. I am trustworthy. I assume you are like me. You can trust me with your wallet, your house keys, your child, and, yes, your spouse.
Do I love my husband? Not sure. Like him? Not sure? Want to stay with him? Not sure. Want to be soberish if we can to it together? Yes. Really sober? Forever? Still seeking answers. At least I need to be here. Thanks.
He also does consulting work. He and these women go to hotels, go out to dinner, order a bottle of wine , and go back to their own rooms to sleep.
I get that some of you think I'm a dumb bunny. I am trustworthy. I assume you are like me. You can trust me with your wallet, your house keys, your child, and, yes, your spouse.
Do I love my husband? Not sure. Like him? Not sure? Want to stay with him? Not sure. Want to be soberish if we can to it together? Yes. Really sober? Forever? Still seeking answers. At least I need to be here. Thanks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 77
That will happen, sugar bear.
I have been nothing but honest since the day I showed up here. I will happily give up the alcohol. Stalk me. It's so. Any problems I have with booze, I've told you about. I see myself as an "Alcohol troubled person." This could actually be a great place for me. Alcohol is a powerful drug, IMO. Get it away, and who knows will happen? Right? Don't you think?
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by SusanE 
I have been nothing but honest since the day I showed up here. I will happily give up the alcohol. Stalk me. It's so. Any problems I have with booze, I've told you about. I see myself as an "Alcohol troubled person." This could actually be a great place for me. Alcohol is a powerful drug, IMO. Get it away, and who knows will happen? Right? Don't you think?
Why would anyone want to stalk you?
Are you drinking now?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,594
I can't believe your husband agreed to a poly gram! lol. What does the word "soberish" mean? lol. The fact that he agreed to a polygram sort of counts in his favour. Ten years ago does not a serial 'cheater' make even though it was painful.
Focus on your own needs now not the behaviours of another, even if it is your husband. Alcohol can really skew your thinking, sober things are much more manageable with less fear and insecurity. Welcome.
Focus on your own needs now not the behaviours of another, even if it is your husband. Alcohol can really skew your thinking, sober things are much more manageable with less fear and insecurity. Welcome.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Susan, if you believe someone is stalking you as you post, please PM Dee or me.
It would be upsetting for other newcomers to the forum to read that you believe someone is stalking you on this forum. That is not something we would allow.
It would be upsetting for other newcomers to the forum to read that you believe someone is stalking you on this forum. That is not something we would allow.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,431
That's good to hear Susan--
If you no longer trust your husband because of past actions and current lying,
maybe it's time to make a change to take care of you.
What can you do to help find peace for yourself?
You cannot control what your husband does, but you can control
your choices and actions.
Have you thought about therapy to help deal with the anger and betrayal
you are feeling?
If you no longer trust your husband because of past actions and current lying,
maybe it's time to make a change to take care of you.
What can you do to help find peace for yourself?
You cannot control what your husband does, but you can control
your choices and actions.
Have you thought about therapy to help deal with the anger and betrayal
you are feeling?
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Thanks for the clarification, Susan.
Seems like maybe you are used to getting the gaslight. My experience around here is that people generally take you at your word, so I don't think you need to worry about that part.
It's hard to parse out all the parts when you are in a world of hurt, I know.
Last night you said you'd gladly give up the alcohol. If you still feel that way, people here can help you. I really think that's the best first step because it will help ensure that your judgment is intact for the other parts.
Stick around and let us know how we can help.
Seems like maybe you are used to getting the gaslight. My experience around here is that people generally take you at your word, so I don't think you need to worry about that part.
It's hard to parse out all the parts when you are in a world of hurt, I know.
Last night you said you'd gladly give up the alcohol. If you still feel that way, people here can help you. I really think that's the best first step because it will help ensure that your judgment is intact for the other parts.
Stick around and let us know how we can help.
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