Day 663
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Dover, New Hampshire
Posts: 105
Day 663
Feeling really low these past few days \ weeks. I have been out of a 6 year realtionship for almost 3 months and it's really hitting me now. It hit me the hardest the other night. I had been thinking about my ex so much and just wanted to not think about her wanting to go buy weed or go buy booze to cope. We hadn't talked in few weeks and never really had THE TALK! So I texted her and said "Hey what's up I know I'm the last person you want to hear from. I dont know how to approach this to be honest with you I've been wanting to text you for a while but don't want to bother you and I want to give you space and don't want to come off as harassing you or making you do something you don't feel comfortable with just yet. Are you working tomorrow? I'm not working till 2pm tomorrow and want to talk to you some more if that's ok with you. If not if your busy or have plans or have to work I understand. Just feel like theirs a lot of holes that need to be filled. Otherwise I hope all is well."
She responded don't stress out we will talk soon I know this is hard for you and you need to talk. I hate putting my drama on here but it's ripping me apart. This has me thinking as I was thinking already that she was already with someone else. So late Saturday night I was at a friends house that was in the area that she lives now. I drove to her house hoping to talk to her and their was another car in the driveway it was unlocked I was wrong by doing this but it was a guy who I thought she might be seeing due to her liking photos of him and sharing things on his page. which is fine because we're not dating anymore. It just hit me so hard that less than 3 months after the break up after 6 years of dating this girl that she's already dating and sharing the same bed with another guy. It broke me and it knocked me off my horse and I hit rock bottom. Didn't sleep still I am not sleeping well not eating as much. I'm just confused about how I'm not able to move on and she is already and she said she hasn't moved on yet she's just so alone that she needs Someone. She said if I would have asked her if she was seeing someone without knowing would she have told me she said no because I didn't want to hurt you but her friends and my friends were telling me she wants to be friends? While she dates someone on the side without me knowing giving me a false hope?
She smokes a **** ton of weed and it's everyday probably an average of 7-10 times a day one of the reasons why I feel like she's able to cope better with this for right now anyways. This guy that she is seeing I was told from a friend that knows him well also is a big pothead so it's someone for her to smoke with as well. I dont know these are just my opinions. I'm crushed right now that night I went to her house we talked for 2 hours after and I only slept 1 hour that night. I texted her after because my cell lost service. I told her everything about how I felt I left it all out their in a very long message. She texted me back a few hours later and the texted me yesterday I'm sorry and did you block me on Facebook? Which I did not because I hate her but because I don't want to keep looking at her profile and seeing this guy she's seeing and to continue to hurt myself right now when I'm already hurting as it is.
I've talked to my mom and a few best friends about this and it is helping my mom thinks I should see a counselor but I'm not sure between physical therapy work 45 hours a week and going to the gym and the doing errands and having time to relax it seems like a lot. My mom has known her for quite sometime to and my exs mom was a herion addict and will probably be on methadone for the rest of her life she said Your ex gf could have to sane addiction problems her mother had but instead it's with weed. Sounds weird I know but she sent me a article about it and it was somewhat convincing. It wa about cross addiction and how you can become addicted to any drug if you have a family history of it and her mom and hers moms brother her uncle both have or have had big drug problems. I dont know I try not to think of her that way but it's hard to not believe my mom either.
This morning after another night with lack of sleep I was cooking breakfast and opened up my moms fridge and grabbed a beer and held it but I didn't open it. I'm in a strange place right now but I'm trying to stay in my path of eating right going to the gym and staying sober and getting much needed rest. Thank you theirs a lot more in between a but I need to rest and take a nap I just needed to get this off of my chest and share my feelings today. Hope all is well
She responded don't stress out we will talk soon I know this is hard for you and you need to talk. I hate putting my drama on here but it's ripping me apart. This has me thinking as I was thinking already that she was already with someone else. So late Saturday night I was at a friends house that was in the area that she lives now. I drove to her house hoping to talk to her and their was another car in the driveway it was unlocked I was wrong by doing this but it was a guy who I thought she might be seeing due to her liking photos of him and sharing things on his page. which is fine because we're not dating anymore. It just hit me so hard that less than 3 months after the break up after 6 years of dating this girl that she's already dating and sharing the same bed with another guy. It broke me and it knocked me off my horse and I hit rock bottom. Didn't sleep still I am not sleeping well not eating as much. I'm just confused about how I'm not able to move on and she is already and she said she hasn't moved on yet she's just so alone that she needs Someone. She said if I would have asked her if she was seeing someone without knowing would she have told me she said no because I didn't want to hurt you but her friends and my friends were telling me she wants to be friends? While she dates someone on the side without me knowing giving me a false hope?
She smokes a **** ton of weed and it's everyday probably an average of 7-10 times a day one of the reasons why I feel like she's able to cope better with this for right now anyways. This guy that she is seeing I was told from a friend that knows him well also is a big pothead so it's someone for her to smoke with as well. I dont know these are just my opinions. I'm crushed right now that night I went to her house we talked for 2 hours after and I only slept 1 hour that night. I texted her after because my cell lost service. I told her everything about how I felt I left it all out their in a very long message. She texted me back a few hours later and the texted me yesterday I'm sorry and did you block me on Facebook? Which I did not because I hate her but because I don't want to keep looking at her profile and seeing this guy she's seeing and to continue to hurt myself right now when I'm already hurting as it is.
I've talked to my mom and a few best friends about this and it is helping my mom thinks I should see a counselor but I'm not sure between physical therapy work 45 hours a week and going to the gym and the doing errands and having time to relax it seems like a lot. My mom has known her for quite sometime to and my exs mom was a herion addict and will probably be on methadone for the rest of her life she said Your ex gf could have to sane addiction problems her mother had but instead it's with weed. Sounds weird I know but she sent me a article about it and it was somewhat convincing. It wa about cross addiction and how you can become addicted to any drug if you have a family history of it and her mom and hers moms brother her uncle both have or have had big drug problems. I dont know I try not to think of her that way but it's hard to not believe my mom either.
This morning after another night with lack of sleep I was cooking breakfast and opened up my moms fridge and grabbed a beer and held it but I didn't open it. I'm in a strange place right now but I'm trying to stay in my path of eating right going to the gym and staying sober and getting much needed rest. Thank you theirs a lot more in between a but I need to rest and take a nap I just needed to get this off of my chest and share my feelings today. Hope all is well
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
Break ups are tough especially when you have been together for so long.
I went through break ups with a few GFs after a few years of dating and I remember how hard that was. Constant thoughts of what am I going to do now, what is she doing, who is she with...
All I can say is that it goes away with time. Sometimes longer than others, but it will get better. My mom would tell me that and I would never believe her.
Sounds like you do a lot, do you go out with friends? It helps to do things to put your mind off of her, but going to the gym by myself, or sitting around and watching tv never cracked it for me. I needed to get out with friends, meet new people (even if you dont intend to date them)...
I went through break ups with a few GFs after a few years of dating and I remember how hard that was. Constant thoughts of what am I going to do now, what is she doing, who is she with...
All I can say is that it goes away with time. Sometimes longer than others, but it will get better. My mom would tell me that and I would never believe her.
Sounds like you do a lot, do you go out with friends? It helps to do things to put your mind off of her, but going to the gym by myself, or sitting around and watching tv never cracked it for me. I needed to get out with friends, meet new people (even if you dont intend to date them)...
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
She has moved on.
The best thing for me when I break up is to completely and totally break up. We're not friends. That's why we broke up. It was broken and it isn't going to be fixed. I suggest no contact whatsoever. Don't look at her facebook page, don't email her, don't text her. It's the only way to let go.
You're obsessing over someone who has moved on and this is not good for you. I know it's hard to accept, but it is the reality. You aren't going to get any closure from her, and there is nothing left to be said. It's been over for three months.
It doesn't matter how or why or who.
If the 663 is your sobriety count, well done!! You have a happy healthy life ahead, and don't need pot-smokers in it at all. I hope you can work your breakup and your sobriety in the same healthy way.
The best thing for me when I break up is to completely and totally break up. We're not friends. That's why we broke up. It was broken and it isn't going to be fixed. I suggest no contact whatsoever. Don't look at her facebook page, don't email her, don't text her. It's the only way to let go.
You're obsessing over someone who has moved on and this is not good for you. I know it's hard to accept, but it is the reality. You aren't going to get any closure from her, and there is nothing left to be said. It's been over for three months.
It doesn't matter how or why or who.
If the 663 is your sobriety count, well done!! You have a happy healthy life ahead, and don't need pot-smokers in it at all. I hope you can work your breakup and your sobriety in the same healthy way.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Dover, New Hampshire
Posts: 105
Thanks guys I know you are right and it's great to get your opinions in doing my best with no contact right now which is hard I haven't talked to her since that night on Saturday. I'm off for the Super Bowl and don't have work till later Monday afternoon was thinking of driving to Connecticut which is were I grew up to get away and attend a Super Bowl party with my close friends. I need to do more things with friends it's true Andi know I need to wipe her out of my life and continue in the sober road and reach my 2 year mark but in hitting so many bumps right now. I'm fighting it the best I can though and I appreciate the responses guys and past experiences it really helps a lot THANKS!
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 197
Originally Posted by biminiblue 
She has moved on.
The best thing for me when I break up is to completely and totally break up. We're not friends. That's why we broke up. It was broken and it isn't going to be fixed. I suggest no contact whatsoever. Don't look at her facebook page, don't email her, don't text her. It's the only way to let go.
You're obsessing over someone who has moved on and this is not good for you. I know it's hard to accept, but it is the reality. You aren't going to get any closure from her, and there is nothing left to be said. It's been over for three months.
It doesn't matter how or why or who.
If the 663 is your sobriety count, well done!! You have a happy healthy life ahead, and don't need pot-smokers in it at all. I hope you can work your breakup and your sobriety in the same healthy way.
The best thing for me when I break up is to completely and totally break up. We're not friends. That's why we broke up. It was broken and it isn't going to be fixed. I suggest no contact whatsoever. Don't look at her facebook page, don't email her, don't text her. It's the only way to let go.
You're obsessing over someone who has moved on and this is not good for you. I know it's hard to accept, but it is the reality. You aren't going to get any closure from her, and there is nothing left to be said. It's been over for three months.
It doesn't matter how or why or who.
If the 663 is your sobriety count, well done!! You have a happy healthy life ahead, and don't need pot-smokers in it at all. I hope you can work your breakup and your sobriety in the same healthy way.
Good luck. Literally box that chapter up and put it away from your everyday. And then deal with it in therapy
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
Brad, I'm going through a break up here too. A two year relationship, so not as long, but long enough to hurt a lot.
I was doing pretty OK until he and I talked last week. And then I had the most horrible, horrible few days afterwards. Contact really is toxic until there's been some healing, I think. Even if nothing hurtful is said (kind of especially if nothing hurtful is said!). I went from being sort of sad to being unable to function.
Hang in there, and do make time for therapy. Just like going to the gym, it'll feel like a reward rather than a chore once you start.
I was doing pretty OK until he and I talked last week. And then I had the most horrible, horrible few days afterwards. Contact really is toxic until there's been some healing, I think. Even if nothing hurtful is said (kind of especially if nothing hurtful is said!). I went from being sort of sad to being unable to function.
Hang in there, and do make time for therapy. Just like going to the gym, it'll feel like a reward rather than a chore once you start.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I hope I'm wrong, but it sounds to me like you're lining up excuses to drink.
It's in my house.
I broke up and it's painful.
I have a bunch of time off.
I have a SuperBowl weekend/party planned with my buddies. (Do these buddies drink?)
I want to stay sober, but I'm hitting a bunch of bumps right now.
I'm fighting it the best I can.
It sounds like you are opening a door here. I think maybe you are trying to justify an upcoming relapse. It won't be fun and it won't solve anything. Please please try to remember how difficult it was to become sober and how miserable it was to drink. I pray that you remain sober and not let life events sway your resolve.
Read some relapse threads. It is never a happy joyous event.
It's in my house.
I broke up and it's painful.
I have a bunch of time off.
I have a SuperBowl weekend/party planned with my buddies. (Do these buddies drink?)
I want to stay sober, but I'm hitting a bunch of bumps right now.
I'm fighting it the best I can.
It sounds like you are opening a door here. I think maybe you are trying to justify an upcoming relapse. It won't be fun and it won't solve anything. Please please try to remember how difficult it was to become sober and how miserable it was to drink. I pray that you remain sober and not let life events sway your resolve.
Read some relapse threads. It is never a happy joyous event.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Dover, New Hampshire
Posts: 105
Im still sober but you are right I have been thinking about it and when I talked to my ex I the phone if that crazy night. I told her I don't get stoned like you to get over this and I don't drink to try to forget about you. She went onto say I think you can drink and be ok. I don't think you have a problem. So that got me thinking as well. But I agree with you I'm still sober though I went out on a date last night but it just felt really awkward
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Brad,
You have gotten great advice here.
Please shut the door on her, and on drinking.
Like Bimini said, and you acknowledged, there is a crack, but you can still shut it.
Your Ex telling you you don't have a problem is irrelevant -- you KNOW you do.
Don't let her or the loss of her destroy all that you have built for yourself.
You will look back on this later and be OK, unless you drink.
DONT, please (see I said please).
For yourself, your mom, the universe.
You have gotten great advice here.
Please shut the door on her, and on drinking.
Like Bimini said, and you acknowledged, there is a crack, but you can still shut it.
Your Ex telling you you don't have a problem is irrelevant -- you KNOW you do.
Don't let her or the loss of her destroy all that you have built for yourself.
You will look back on this later and be OK, unless you drink.
DONT, please (see I said please).
For yourself, your mom, the universe.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by Brad41989
Im still sober but you are right I have been thinking about it and when I talked to my ex I the phone if that crazy night. I told her I don't get stoned like you to get over this and I don't drink to try to forget about you. She went onto say I think you can drink and be ok. I don't think you have a problem. So that got me thinking as well. But I agree with you I'm still sober though I went out on a date last night but it just felt really awkward
She even is trying to destroy you from her place of being broken up.
Stay broken up with both. They both are trying to kill you, physically, spiritually and emotionally, please stay away.
I'm glad you went on a date! That's excellent. It's a toe in the pool, nothing more. Take your time and enjoy it without putting any pressure on yourself or the person you're with.
Not every date will be awkward, but some of them are, for sure. I try to keep first dates to something with a time limit...coffee, a short walk. I always have a plan to keep it to an hour.
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