Water441

So many thoughts today. So much time on this board.

Just left the office to go to a Smart Recovery meeting. As I headed out of the office I was chatting with two co-workers and it was fun (and not scary because I wasn't talking to co workers while drunk.) it made me so incredibly thankful that I've got to a place where I want to make a committed plan with lots of support before I lost my job. I love my job and my career is something I'm incredibly proud of. When I'm working hard and focused on it (and being brilliant) I so happy and peaceful. When I'm drinking and letting work slide, I'm miserable, depressed, anxious to a point of total despair (hit myself incredibly hard in the face mid binge last week).

I think a huge motivation for me not to relapse or try to convince myself I can be a normal drinker again is the fear of losing this (in my mind) last chance of keeping this job. I feel like I knew I was getting close to really really ruining my life and some small bit of self love and preservation got me to take it seriously for the first time instead of just believe will power would be enough. So today is devoted to my brilliant career which I am so grateful for.
Unfortunately my roommate is a heavy drinker and will be drinking at home tonight. I think bolstering myself with a first meeting tonight and the desperate need for sleep (haven't slept at all during withdrawal) I will be able to go to bed without temptation to honour the job I'm lucky to have by getting the sleep I need to perform well.

Thanks to all for your support.
I hope I can do the same throughout this.

resolute50

Day 2, that's great,Water!
Reading your post reminded me so much of where I was at 2 1/2 years ago when I decided enough was enough.
You'll find that everything will become so much better with sobriety. Not only your career but every aspect of life.
It's amazing how much we think alcohol helps with anxiety.
When in reality is causes more.

Keep on keeping on my friend.

MC23

Hi Water

I'm on day 2 as well. It is my first day at work since stopping drinking. I too have spent a lot of my time on here reading (including most of last night, when i could not sleep due to withdrawal).

Like you I'm extremely proud of my career. I am realising today that I'm lucky to still have it. One Monday morning after a particularly bad binge drinking session (which also involved me taking a bunch of prescription medication) I woke up and guzzled leftover beer and bourbon and then jumped in my car and showed up at my work. My close colleague friend had to tell me I reeked of alcohol and she told me to leave the premises immediately. I'm grateful for her that day. I wouldn't probably be sitting here with the job I have today if it weren't for her.

I'm thinking of you and hope the meeting goes well tonight, and that you're able to refrain from drinking around your housemate. Stay strong!

Water441

Oh ps: most withdrawal symptoms gone but I still startle ridiculously easily.

Also roommate moving out feb 1. Yay! Less temptation

Water441

Roommate just got home with two bottle of wine and a 6 pack. I'm tending to the plants I almost let die and hanging my clothing up that has been in a pile since NYE

Water441

The long list of chores ahead of me that I just ignored for months... Starting on it with hanging up and folding all my laundry and digging up the stained and disgusting stuff I wore during binge week, cleaning the food and vomit stains from beside my bed (winner), and cleaning out all the random stuff I shoved in whatever bag I could find.
Drinking peppermint tea and enjoying it (for real)

I used to run an orderly home... Sigh. Maybe by the weekend it'll be back to its former gleam.

MC23

I've just got home from a long day water and I'm doing the same as you. Or trying to at least. The laundry is especially daunting!

lisatryingagain

I have a pretty menial job unfortunately, but I came close to losing it early this month due to choosing to drink in the morning and not even bother to ring in sick..... When I turned my phone on the next day there were about 10 phone calls from work.... I think remembering that moment is a good thing for me to do.

Dee74

I really believe you can do this too Water - congrats on your progress so far

D