Anxiety, and brain fog, and insomnia, oh my! (warning, somewhat incoherent)
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 288
Anxiety, and brain fog, and insomnia, oh my! (warning, somewhat incoherent)
I’ve had a handful of times when I’ve reached 25 days sober, where I am right now, and I always seem to get hit with these feelings at this exact time. Last night, I got about 2 hours of sleep. I woke up and couldn’t for the life of me shake off the racing thoughts and anxious nothings and foggy mindedness. Everything in my brain was scattered, haphazard. And so it is now. This sobriety thing isn’t easy. But I guess no one said it would be.
I looked back on some writings I did during my first major attempt at sobriety (4 months sober = major to me). Looking back on the past is tricky. How does one know its truth from its lies?
It was hard reading over them. It’s hard not to look back at such a time, when I was having success and going in the right direction despite many struggles, without feeling some of the same emotions felt then and the pains of what could have been had I continued. Suddenly, it seems the chains of time become unlinked, and I travel back to a state I thought I lost years ago. The emotional ups and downs. The joy. The struggles. The successes. The progress I had made. Then, all gone, all washed away, with one misstep that I let take me too too far down another road I had been so good at avoiding.
That's alcoholism.
Those writings I looked back on were from 8 years ago. The emotions I feel from reading them should tell me something.
Recover, man. Recover. It’s about time to do this thing for good. For. Good.
Be a better man. A better husband. A better teacher. Better thinker. Better lover. Better thinker. Better doer. Better liver (pun not intended, though appropriate). Hell, a better person. And remember, there is no end to this. Recovery is a process. Recovery is ongoing, everlasting. And that’s beautiful. It means you are always changing. Always growing.
See this scattered, haphazard, anxious, brain battering state as this. As growth. As growing. As getting closer to your best self and always being within a better one.
That’s at least what I’m telling myself. Apologies for this half-coherent rant. If you’ve read this far, bless you (if you haven’t, bless you anyways).
Here’s to another day sober. Stay safe and enjoy the snow.
I looked back on some writings I did during my first major attempt at sobriety (4 months sober = major to me). Looking back on the past is tricky. How does one know its truth from its lies?
It was hard reading over them. It’s hard not to look back at such a time, when I was having success and going in the right direction despite many struggles, without feeling some of the same emotions felt then and the pains of what could have been had I continued. Suddenly, it seems the chains of time become unlinked, and I travel back to a state I thought I lost years ago. The emotional ups and downs. The joy. The struggles. The successes. The progress I had made. Then, all gone, all washed away, with one misstep that I let take me too too far down another road I had been so good at avoiding.
That's alcoholism.
Those writings I looked back on were from 8 years ago. The emotions I feel from reading them should tell me something.
Recover, man. Recover. It’s about time to do this thing for good. For. Good.
Be a better man. A better husband. A better teacher. Better thinker. Better lover. Better thinker. Better doer. Better liver (pun not intended, though appropriate). Hell, a better person. And remember, there is no end to this. Recovery is a process. Recovery is ongoing, everlasting. And that’s beautiful. It means you are always changing. Always growing.
See this scattered, haphazard, anxious, brain battering state as this. As growth. As growing. As getting closer to your best self and always being within a better one.
That’s at least what I’m telling myself. Apologies for this half-coherent rant. If you’ve read this far, bless you (if you haven’t, bless you anyways).
Here’s to another day sober. Stay safe and enjoy the snow.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,203
Not a rant RattleandHum, just a sad fact of life for the recovering alcoholic, it is tough in the early days, we know that tough though it is, boozing will make things worse.
On the plus side it does get better. Stick with it R&H
On the plus side it does get better. Stick with it R&H
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