JohnQPublic

Hey all, I am trying to tell on my AV. I have been struggling with thoughts the past few days. It appears that whenever I get a few months or so my AV starts pushing hard. Most of last year I would have minor relapses after every few months. I want to be free of it but I know it is a part of my life now. I just have to cope one day at a time. I know that even though my periodic relapses of a few beers could easily turn me back into the black out constant drunk I was a few years ago. I don't really identify any particular pressures or triggers that are hitting me, maybe boredom, as I am not practicing right now to raise the baby. My day to day interactions are with my 9 yr old and the baby. I talk to friends or my parents occasionally on the phone, and you guys of course but I am pretty isolated. I went out with the baby yesterday to get a sandwich and I think it is the first time I have left the house and drove my car in over two weeks. I have not been to see my own therapist in over a month because of the holidays and a vicious flue that went through our home. I am fearful I am becoming agoraphobic. I have PTSD and have lots of anxiety when I leave my house. I feel safe here. No booze or drugs to tempt me and no danger of getting hit again and being even more hurt. Anyway, thanks for letting me share. I needed to get some of this out publicly instead of letting it simmer in my addict mind. Wish you guys the best. John

Anna

I'm glad you posted about your concerns.

Taking care of children and being the parent is the hardest job ever, so be sure to give yourself credit for the hard work you are doing.

Something I just posted on another thread is that balance is crucial to my recovery. It seems like getting out of the house would help, but maybe beginning with brief outings that you are comfortable with. Do you have any time to yourself to just 'be'? I have found that is so important to me. What do you do for fun - do you read, listen to music?

JohnQPublic

Dear Anna, I am a reader. Whenever I am not engaged with something that is pretty much my go to action. Thanks for the reply.

Soberwolf

Try going for a walk John that really helps as does journalling & gratitude lists

least

I like what Dee said: a craving doesn't have to be a command. Tell that av to buzz off.

dwtbd

I found making a plan (Big Plan, there are a lot of great threads on AVRT in the Secular Connections forum here on SR) to never drink again and not change my mind disarmed the AV when it came to thoughts that allowed for 'minor' relapses to occur periodically.
Adopting a stance that I will not ever again pick up a drink , no matter what , disarmed the thoughts that 'triggers' can cause me to change my mind. Making a BP allows me the freedom to live life one day at a time , disarming the notion that I have to hope for a daily reprieve from succumbing to the pressures of the AV. If you can put the AV on notice that no matter what, it's rumblings and temper tantrums will not ever be heeded, it withers and with time recedes into the distant background.

PurpleKnight

Abstinence for me was only half the battle, after that there was not much going on in my life and I'd sit around with plenty of time, and that was when my addiction ramped up the pressure in my mind.

It's important to begin to build a life around things that you enjoy, as a parent though time is restricted, but still there has to be some opportunity for some "me time" in there at some stage in the week.

I had to figure out what I even enjoyed in the beginning, what was I interested in, what hobbies would I like to start, or even rekindle from before my drinking days.

The more I started to work on this side of life, the more alcohol was reserved to the past!!

Hang in there John, SR is in your corner!!

ALinNS

Take your 9 year old and maybe the baby for a walk or to a park, fresh air will be good for all of you.,,,it clears my head, we are having yet another wicked snow storm here, my better half and I just returned from a walk with our dogs, it was fun

Therapist is a very good idea and I am seeing two at the moment for PTSD issues because my AV, 99% of the time gets me on the thoughts around this.

All the best
Andrew

thomas11

Hi JohnQ, you mentioned PTSD, while it is none of my business, was this due to military or something else? If you're not comfortable sharing, I understand. I ask only because I may be able to contribute something knowing where the PTSD originated. Stay strong man, you are doing fine.

JohnQPublic

Thanks everybody for the input. It is much appreciated.

Dee74

Have you considered online meetings at all John?

D

MIRecovery

I am walking out the door to an AA meeting. This shuts up my AV everytime.

SoberinSyracuse

For what it's worth, my doctor recommends at least a short outdoor walk on a daily basis. (LOL, sometimes easier said than done in snowy Syracuse, but here in Atlanta it's pretty pleasant.)

countrygirl2014

AA meetings shut my AV up too. I remember a few months in to my sobriety saying to a friend "this voice in my head is relentless. If this is the way it's going to be from now on, it's not worth it. I'll give it a little longer and see what happens". A few weeks after that statement, the AV became a whisper. Now, only every now and then do I hear it and it has become very easy to dismiss. You just have to give it time.

Jennifer

Thumpalumpacus

The concept of AV -- the personification of my addiction -- makes sobriety easier for me, insofar as I am able to detach the compulsion from the rest of my personality and treat it with the contempt it deserves.

Dee74

How are things now John?

D