so tired!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Laredo, Texas
Posts: 6
so tired!
Hello, this is my first time posting in any site but I need some advise.
My son is 27 years old, he went to college and is very smart. He started using heroin when he was 22. I had not idea. I trusted him. He had always been a good son. Never drank too much or partied too late. No problems in school, he always had good grades. From my understanding he started using because of his back pain. He said someone introduced it to him and it worked a lot better than all those pain killers he was taking. He started snorting and now is injecting.
He has never stolen money from us or anything significant from the house. He is not violent. When he was 22 he lost his job because the doctor he worked with was moving to another city. This was his breaking point. He no longer had money to support his habit and was having bad withdrawals. Again, I did not notice anything but some chapping on his upper lip, which he blamed on allergies. He confessed his problem.
Being new to this, I was devastated, did not know what or where to get help. Someone recommend a rehab in another city so we took him there. He was there for a week to detox, then they let him go. It turned out that rehab was more for mental problems and not so much a drug rehab. He was upset and blamed that for using again. I wanted to put him in a rehab center but he refused saying he only needed to move to another city.
He did, moved about 5 hours away from home. Was away for about two years but went back to using. Always hiding from us his problem. Lying and me always looking for evidence that he was still using.
At one point he signed himself into a rehab hospital for detox again but no long term rehab. A few months later he lost his job and he took out his 401 and I imagine had a drug binge. When he ran out of money he asked to come back home.
I told him that he had to go to rehab in order to come back to what he agreed. He went to rehab, seemed very committed to recovery. He moving in to a sober living house and everything seemed to be going well. He had a job, friends, a good living situation and was even joining a gym.
Then he met a girl from the same rehab he went to. She was kicked out of her sober home so he claimed to have relapsed, told the house supervisor and got kicked out. This started the story of the two of them. She is 6 years younger than he is. She has been using drugs from a very young age and has been living out of her house for years.
I want to blame my son's new problems on her, but I know everyone is responsible for their own actions. Since being kicked out the homes, they were living from friend to friends, in the car, or Lord knows where. We would ask him to come home but he insisted on bringing her. I refused.
They were homeless for a few months until he called and asked to come home and asked if she could come with him. Stating she had no where to go, that her family did not want to have anything to do with her. They moving in to my house and bad turned to worst. They had very erratic behavior. My son was able to get a job but she seemed very mentally unstable.
I ended up asking them to leave because of continuous suspicions of their drug use. They moved out of state. No money, no plan, no place to live.
To the present, they came back to Texas to live in the girl's hometown. My son found a job, not in his area, but a job. They claim to be clean and ok. He occasionally asks for money now, he used to ask for a lot more before. They came to visit for the holidays and I saw new track marks on my son's arm and I lost it. I told him that I did not want to be part of his life if he is using. He claimed it was over 2 weeks ago and that is was a relapse. I asked them to leave and told him that I did not want to be a part of his life if he uses. I told him that the drug won over me.
I feel so guilty, my husband does not agree with me. He thinks that as long as he is not living with us that all we should do is talk to him.
I feel bad!
My son is 27 years old, he went to college and is very smart. He started using heroin when he was 22. I had not idea. I trusted him. He had always been a good son. Never drank too much or partied too late. No problems in school, he always had good grades. From my understanding he started using because of his back pain. He said someone introduced it to him and it worked a lot better than all those pain killers he was taking. He started snorting and now is injecting.
He has never stolen money from us or anything significant from the house. He is not violent. When he was 22 he lost his job because the doctor he worked with was moving to another city. This was his breaking point. He no longer had money to support his habit and was having bad withdrawals. Again, I did not notice anything but some chapping on his upper lip, which he blamed on allergies. He confessed his problem.
Being new to this, I was devastated, did not know what or where to get help. Someone recommend a rehab in another city so we took him there. He was there for a week to detox, then they let him go. It turned out that rehab was more for mental problems and not so much a drug rehab. He was upset and blamed that for using again. I wanted to put him in a rehab center but he refused saying he only needed to move to another city.
He did, moved about 5 hours away from home. Was away for about two years but went back to using. Always hiding from us his problem. Lying and me always looking for evidence that he was still using.
At one point he signed himself into a rehab hospital for detox again but no long term rehab. A few months later he lost his job and he took out his 401 and I imagine had a drug binge. When he ran out of money he asked to come back home.
I told him that he had to go to rehab in order to come back to what he agreed. He went to rehab, seemed very committed to recovery. He moving in to a sober living house and everything seemed to be going well. He had a job, friends, a good living situation and was even joining a gym.
Then he met a girl from the same rehab he went to. She was kicked out of her sober home so he claimed to have relapsed, told the house supervisor and got kicked out. This started the story of the two of them. She is 6 years younger than he is. She has been using drugs from a very young age and has been living out of her house for years.
I want to blame my son's new problems on her, but I know everyone is responsible for their own actions. Since being kicked out the homes, they were living from friend to friends, in the car, or Lord knows where. We would ask him to come home but he insisted on bringing her. I refused.
They were homeless for a few months until he called and asked to come home and asked if she could come with him. Stating she had no where to go, that her family did not want to have anything to do with her. They moving in to my house and bad turned to worst. They had very erratic behavior. My son was able to get a job but she seemed very mentally unstable.
I ended up asking them to leave because of continuous suspicions of their drug use. They moved out of state. No money, no plan, no place to live.
To the present, they came back to Texas to live in the girl's hometown. My son found a job, not in his area, but a job. They claim to be clean and ok. He occasionally asks for money now, he used to ask for a lot more before. They came to visit for the holidays and I saw new track marks on my son's arm and I lost it. I told him that I did not want to be part of his life if he is using. He claimed it was over 2 weeks ago and that is was a relapse. I asked them to leave and told him that I did not want to be a part of his life if he uses. I told him that the drug won over me.
I feel so guilty, my husband does not agree with me. He thinks that as long as he is not living with us that all we should do is talk to him.
I feel bad!
Last edited by G104; 01-02-2016 at 07:45 PM. Reason: seemed too long to read.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi G104 
I'm very sorry for what brings you here. It's really hard for the loved ones to know what to do.
I have no experience to share but I know others will - both in this forum and our Family and Friends forums too
The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com
D
I'm very sorry for what brings you here. It's really hard for the loved ones to know what to do.
I have no experience to share but I know others will - both in this forum and our Family and Friends forums too
The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com
D
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 3,938
Welcome! Tough love is very difficult to do, but it is ultimately the best thing for a person like your son. Maybe you could go see a professional for advise, one who knows about addiction, and who you can talk to about how painful this is for you. You need to take care of yourself.
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