This feels hopeless!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: California
Posts: 6
This feels hopeless!
I keep trying and trying and trying. In and out of hospitals and rehabs and therapy. I've become exhausted.
Because each time I feel SO determined and motivated to stay sober, swear off alcohol but ALWAYS return. It's making me cry now.
I have a huge past that I'm sure many can relate to, all that comes from drinking, but won't go into that.
I just always think that this time, this time is it. That's it. I've almost died from seizures, ruined relationships but still how can I always convince myself this time will be different?
I was crying today. Only on day 5, telling myself no. I tried exercise and reaching out but all I could think of were those initial feelings I get when I drink.
That happy buzz that only lasts an hour. Then I'm screwed for days and end up in a blackout. I can't get that hour out of my head. I crave that great hour I have with alcohol too much even though I know it inevitably screws up everything.
I've tried so many things and feel like I'll never be free.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Because each time I feel SO determined and motivated to stay sober, swear off alcohol but ALWAYS return. It's making me cry now.
I have a huge past that I'm sure many can relate to, all that comes from drinking, but won't go into that.
I just always think that this time, this time is it. That's it. I've almost died from seizures, ruined relationships but still how can I always convince myself this time will be different?
I was crying today. Only on day 5, telling myself no. I tried exercise and reaching out but all I could think of were those initial feelings I get when I drink.
That happy buzz that only lasts an hour. Then I'm screwed for days and end up in a blackout. I can't get that hour out of my head. I crave that great hour I have with alcohol too much even though I know it inevitably screws up everything.
I've tried so many things and feel like I'll never be free.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: California, USA
Posts: 625
Hang in there, brighthalo. Keep moving. Eat. Drink water or juice. Go to sleep. Talk to us. You can do this. I know it's hard. Day 5 is really hard. You'll be so glad to reach day 6 sober. You're doing great!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 189
Welcome, BrightHalo. Congrats on day five! That is excellent! Stay strong. Read the posts; you will find a lot of people here just like you, and a lot of great support.
I will be thinking of you during this difficult time.
I will be thinking of you during this difficult time.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Auckland, New Zealand (Aotearoa)
Posts: 339
I know what you mean. I thought I'd never be able to quit drinking because I couldn't live without the immediate relief booze gave me. Its so hard in the beginning stages because youre so physically and psychologically dependant on the booze. Everyday will be a battle that you have to win, a challenge. Using techniques like AVRT (addiction voice recognition therapy) that can kill the voice that tries to convince you that you need to drink and using the daily support threads and chat room all help. it is possible, you can do it. I think things start to become easier at around 3 months. Good on ya for posting
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,785
Welcome to the family. I'm glad you joined us. It's hard at first to stay sober, but the rewards down the road are worth the effort. Why don't you join the Class of December thread on this forum? It's a great way to get support and get to know others who are also getting sober.
We also have a 24 hour recovery connections thread in the Daily Support forum. You post once a day to commit to staying sober for the day.
It's hard at first to stay sober, but the rewards down the road are worth the effort. Why don't you join the Class of December thread on this forum? It's a great way to get support and get to know others who are also getting sober.We also have a 24 hour recovery connections thread in the Daily Support forum. You post once a day to commit to staying sober for the day.
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
(((BrightHalo))) I am so glad you have reached out here. Everyone is so welcoming and supportive on this site.
Please hang around, read posts, write posts. Even if you can't believe you will ever be free, I believe you can. It will be hard, but it will be the most worthwhile fight of your life.
We are here for you
Please hang around, read posts, write posts. Even if you can't believe you will ever be free, I believe you can. It will be hard, but it will be the most worthwhile fight of your life.
We are here for you
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
Bright Halo, I'm glad you're here. You sound so much like me. One of the reasons I had such a hard time giving up the booze was the buzz from those first few drinks. I lived for my "happy hour" at the end of the day. It was sweet relief. But like you said, it only lasts a short while and then what? Well, you want to get it back, right? After that first buzz would wear off, I'd want to get it back, so I'd go get more booze. But instead of getting the buzz back, I'd just get hammered. And even though I'd wake up in the morning in a fog, sometimes remembering the night before and sometimes not, I'd still be chasing that buzz again the next day. It's incomprehensible but that's what we do.
You will find the support you need here. I myself haven't been coming here often enough lately, but I plan to. I hope you do too. We can do this.
You will find the support you need here. I myself haven't been coming here often enough lately, but I plan to. I hope you do too. We can do this.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,576
Hi BrightHalo. I felt just as you do once - when I first came here with my life in ruins. By talking things over, I found the courage & strength I needed. It helps to have the understanding of those who truly care. We know what you're going through - and you are not alone.
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