sisi

Hello everyone,

I have been on and off here before as "Laanisa"...and now i am back and hoping to stay..once again.

The difference this time is i dont feel any shame in being back, as i have preoviously, only sadness for my situation.
I made a fool out of myself yesterday for a guy that i like but i dont even feel embararrased over that, just again really sad that i had spent the whole day feeling like i am dying....that i am in such a prison of loneliness and addiction.

Today i am reading here as well as looking at videos and i have bulked up on food and non alcoholic drinks...and today i am allowed only one thing, not drinking.

I live in Spain and just saw that there are 2 english speaking AA meetings in my city but as soon as i realized that i got uncomfortable having to go...i feel scared and unwilling to go somehow, even though i know i need a support system here.

Anyways, love to you all, good luck all who are starting again as me and to all of you who help us.

Sisi

least

Welcome back! Do you have a plan in place to help you stay sober?

VirginiaWoof

Welcome back. It's my first day back too. I'm 'treating' myself to a duvet day, old films, chocolate cake and milk.

We can do this x

24hrsAday

Welcome back!
hope you stick around..

sisi

Thanks everyone,
VirginiaWoof, good plan for today...i wish you all luck!!!!!
Least; i dont have a plan more than staying here at this site at the moment, reading books i have and attend online AA meetings. I know i should try and go to the ones here in my city but i guess i am scared.

Love to you all

Soberwolf

Welcome bk Sisi

ccam1973

Welcome back Sisi. You can do this!

SoberLeigh

Welcome back, sisi; nice to meet you.

PurpleKnight

Welcome back!!

sisi

Thanks everyone. Just by asking for help again my brain went into panic mode and i had panic attacs all day..and i thought a beer would help. so yes i had a beer and then a bottle of wine and then some more I spoke to my parents about it, i did not want to trouble them, i also spoke to a facility center here crying. I am just lost, i cant take help, not sure why but i think it has to do with my background, trying to hide things and cant be weak.
Anyway...i will be back tomorrow. Bless you all for being so kind €

IronPhoenix

Welcome Sisi. you need to draw that line in the sand and commit to doing the work needed to kick this. Having a plan always helps. Changing up your daily routine can help.

We are here on this journey with you.

Anna

Welcome and you will find lots of support here. I think it helps most of us to know we're not alone.