TheRake

So I know how addiction works....on a logical level.

I could make a speech about how addiction works....on a logical level.

On an emotional level....I'm not sure I'm dealing with life...

It could be because I'm not giving myself enough time to get into this sobriety thing...

damn letter in the post today.....telling me I have a solicitor designated to me for an arrest that happened a few weeks ago. this incident I was drunk....but I didn nothing...until I was assaulted by the cops...

One of them belted me and I spent the night in the cells....handcuffed tightly and bleeding. Yes I spent the whole night like that.....I didn't "do anything" until I was hit. Then I hit back. then I spat blood. I didn't press charges because...i just couldn't find the energy. I'm being worked to the bone and I just feel like sleeping....and then I can't sleep.

My ex lives in Paris. I wondered should I contact her because I was concered. is she dead? I did in the end and she responded....we finished badly and she asked me at the time....how do you not hate me??? my response was "how can I hate you when I love you" whatever that's long passed.........and now....I don't know. Life is up and down and there's the old pull to escape....I messed up that relationship and I don't know everyone I meet know is just...

I know if I just get over the initial blip I can overcome and deal with it.....but if I'm being charged I've no doubt I will get a year in prison. I'm not in the humour to do a year....

This is a low. i feel like fleeing the country.....

why is life

JD

Hey rake, are you drinking? If you are that's not going to solve your problems. It's best to deal with everything you got going on sober.

TheRake

I know. You're right and logically I know this...

I took a nap today after work....4 hours.....the weirdest damn dreams ever. I just wish they'd leave me alone/give me a little space to sort these things out...but it's like one thing on top of another and I'm suffocating.

I feel like I haven't got the energy to fight a court case. Especially one where I did nothing wrong. Especially another one in a different language. Yes they will give me an interpertor if needed but apparently they think my language skills are enough from what I apparently said....

I did a 3 month rehab/stay in my own country a few years ago. I'd love to do it again. But it would be difficult. It would also mean everything I've built up to this point would be back to zero....;the progress I've made up to this point would be back to zero....

hell, a relative said to me a year a ago.....the point at which you changed your life is inspirational and I apparently inspired this person to study at uni at night.......and now....i'm holding the ship together but only just, pirates are coming at me....I really feel like saying fvck the world...give me a break, get off my back

I'm frustrated because these things I've already overcome...but I'm not sure if I have the strenght for another battle with the police. I could do prison, but what do I do with my things...I've no-one here

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fOCqceClymw

Dee74

I think nearly everyone finds out it's tough to deal with things when you're not drinking - and a good percentage of us seem to face some pretty heavy things in the early days.

You will get through these things sober - you have no idea what your sober capacity or capabilities are yet...so thoughts like 'I'm not sure if I have the strength for another battle with the police' while understandable, are really mired in fear and your AV.

You may be surprised at how competent sober you is at dealing with stuff. You'll certainly get better at it the longer you're sober.

Try not to panic, speak with your solicitor and take it from there. Best wishes and support TheRake