Ive went back out
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 346
You sound committed. Good. I ate every/anything for the first week and it helped (I'm sober). Whatever it takes. I will caution again with the benzo's. I did just a librium detox for 3 days (inpatient) and had WD's from the benzo's too for about a week. I too took b1,folate,c and b12 and they helped--also drank a lot of skim milk (again, I'm sober). be careful and don't drink.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
Yes a longer term plan is what I need . I think in hindsight I over did the painting and decoration few weeks back , it was like all or nothing so it was the entire house . I think my slip was because I couldnt shake the word "REWARD" from my mind " just a couple will be fine " you know the rest .....................
Day 1 of sobriety commences
Day 1 of sobriety commences
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Originally Posted by Maelstrom no more 
Thank you all so much for your replies and honesty and D for giving me it straight . I did not dispose of the last 3 beers but did spread them out . I have diazepam amd vit b and other nutrients . I went to bed at 5pm and got back up at 10am and to say it was the worst night I have ever spent is an under statement , the dry heaving and shakes and more .
Nearly noon here now , had a bath and shave and 10mg dizazepam . Slowly beginning to lift but the depression is bad . Aint ate yet but starting to feel hungry for rich carb like food .
I know ive been a fool and will have to start again but cant afford to beat myself up over it .
The 4 day binge this time was much worse than before , it seems like that anyway . Even stole the last of my wifes vodka she uses socially now and then with visitors . she found the bottle which was about half full when she left it but I was so stupid I left her the empty bottle . Replacing it isnt the issue , it was hers and I took it ,shameful .
Im going to my work tonight at 7 pm and hoping to pick up my mood and physical pain , no point in taking a shift off and feeling sorry for myself .
Thank you all once again .
Bless
Nearly noon here now , had a bath and shave and 10mg dizazepam . Slowly beginning to lift but the depression is bad . Aint ate yet but starting to feel hungry for rich carb like food .
I know ive been a fool and will have to start again but cant afford to beat myself up over it .
The 4 day binge this time was much worse than before , it seems like that anyway . Even stole the last of my wifes vodka she uses socially now and then with visitors . she found the bottle which was about half full when she left it but I was so stupid I left her the empty bottle . Replacing it isnt the issue , it was hers and I took it ,shameful .
Im going to my work tonight at 7 pm and hoping to pick up my mood and physical pain , no point in taking a shift off and feeling sorry for myself .
Thank you all once again .
Bless
A good idea would start reading up on recovery to help & look into possible treatment for depression I'm currently doing CBT for depression
Good time to make a Dr apt & look into options
Here's some useful links in the meantime
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
Originally Posted by soberwolf
A good idea would start reading up on recovery to help & look into possible treatment for depression I'm currently doing CBT for depression
Good time to make a Dr apt & look into options
Here's some useful links in the meantime
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html
I,m going to try AA again with some f2f meetings . This is a lifesaver SR and wouldn't do without it but there again I kind of did let this slip too and hadn't been in for a while if im honest .
I,m beginning to perk up a bit having had some light food .
Mrs starting to come out her mood with me too ............. She doesn't deserve or need this stress . Not that I,m an angry or verbal man drunk or sober but who needs a clown hanging around for 4 days .
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by Maelstrom no more
Yes a longer term plan is what I need . I think in hindsight I over did the painting and decoration few weeks back , it was like all or nothing so it was the entire house . I think my slip was because I couldnt shake the word "REWARD" from my mind " just a couple will be fine " you know the rest .....................
Day 1 of sobriety commences
Day 1 of sobriety commences
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 346
I get that whole reward thing. It's wired into my subconscious from years of repetitive doing so. Takes Conscious recognition when that thought arises to re-member the actuality of the events leading to my last quit date to realize the pain. Willful Forgetfulness is my biggest problem and staying close to others in recovery is a good solution (Yuns help me with my faulty recall). Self honesty is where it's at brother. Sounding like a sobriety evangelist now so I'll quit. You know what to do.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
My nightshift will be over at 7 am so and hour to go. Had a few short naps ( shhhhh) . Ive taken a lot away from your support here over the last 36 hours or so . Thank you .
Praying for the people in Paris .
Praying for the people in Paris .
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Ireland
Posts: 351
Keep Strong Maelstrom, I myself done a very similar think and I feel your pain, get yourself to a gp and get a proper detox if you are finding it tough, a detox tapering with cans of beers doesn't work in my opinion as it leaves the body to quickly and you will find yourself craving again within a couple of hours, i've tried it myself, keep yourself busy, i know it can be tough as your mood is prob low at the moment. Get on your knees and ask your higher power for help, get your ass to a meeting and share that you need help. This is what really works, you need to surround yourself with people in good recovery and don't beat yourself up, it happens to the best of us. 
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
I feel a sense of anger today and aching physically all over .
I can cope with the physical aching but the sense of foreboding and irritation is hard to cope with .
Went to bed after my nightshift but had a rotten sleep filled with stupid dreams and woke up feeling fearful .
I made some good veg and fruit smoothies for work tonight .
Now at work but feel this weird sense of anger ,irritation and gloom .
Need a better plan for the future so this cant repeat cause each time it does it draws a part of my soul out of me and I fear if I do this once too often I wont come back from it .
Paddy I take on board what you say seriously and thanks for that .
Since I work in a warm building doing security I'm going to try some praying and meditation to who ever will listen ( spiritually )
Thanks
I can cope with the physical aching but the sense of foreboding and irritation is hard to cope with .
Went to bed after my nightshift but had a rotten sleep filled with stupid dreams and woke up feeling fearful .
I made some good veg and fruit smoothies for work tonight .
Now at work but feel this weird sense of anger ,irritation and gloom .
Need a better plan for the future so this cant repeat cause each time it does it draws a part of my soul out of me and I fear if I do this once too often I wont come back from it .
Paddy I take on board what you say seriously and thanks for that .
Since I work in a warm building doing security I'm going to try some praying and meditation to who ever will listen ( spiritually )
Thanks
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Maelstrom - I remember that phase very well. As OnTheRoad said, it does get better. I wouldn't have been able to stay the course if it hadn't. 
You're doing great, and what you're feeling is normal.
You're doing great, and what you're feeling is normal.
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