BellJar7

I'm NOT drinking tonight.

I keep telling myself that.

There literally is no alcohol in the house, so I would have to go out and buy some.

My husband is working late, and I'm exhausted. My daughter waited until dinner time to mention she has homework. Even in kindergarten, it takes her an hour plus to complete her homework because of her learning disabilities. I usually pass that one off to him to help her with, because with me she thinks playing ignorant is cute and will get her more attention. With him, she actually sits down and focuses and tries her best. But tonight I have to do it, because he's gone.

I have NO patience this evening. I'm finding myself craving EVERYTHING. Not just alcohol. Greasy food. Carbs. Salt. You name it, my body wants it tonight. I also just really want to be left alone.

I had planned a healthy and sober girl's night this Saturday, and my husband called me a while ago and said that's off because he'll have to work again. So even the fun respite I had planned for myself is out of the question. He asked if our 15 year old babysitter could watch them, I responded "Not all night!" He has to work until midnight, and I was going to stay the night with my girlfriend. I'm not asking a 15 year old little girl to put these kids to bed. I don't think that's fair for her, and I doubt her mother would want her out that late.

So now I'm just pissed and feeling sorry for myself. I'm on here so I don't drink. So I don't load up everyone and drive to the grocery store to buy wine.

I'm really white-knuckling it right now. I'm just so mad. I don't even know what I'm mad about!

Ugh.

List ways this gets better, please. I'm listening.

BellJar

badger257

Hang in there... I am not an expert, but I saw the word "grouchy" and it made me smile! Stay here and make it through.

JD

Just get through the next hours until you can go to bed. You can do this.

soberclover

I think you are so awesome for being so honest and real about how you are feeling. Early sobriety can suck. No way around it. However.......it's also a time for REALITY and FEELINGS to happen.....and we get to be present and to feel those feelings. And this is awesome! Stay strong.....you can do this!!

PurpleKnight

Hang in there BellJar!! There's gonna be good and bad days, emotions can swing all over the place as the body adjusts.

You can do this!! Stay close to SR!!

DobieGirl09

I totally get the grouchy! I'm three weeks sober now, and I think I've spent half that time grouchy for no reason I could identify, and I'm rarely grouchy!! Hang in there.

BellJar7

Well, the worst of the cravings have subsided. I remembered HALT and realized I was super hungry, so I made myself some healthy baked chicken nuggets. Cooking took the edge off and gave me something to occupy my mind and hands with.

I know I'll go through this again tomorrow night most likely, but this is a small victory for me, and I'm really proud of myself. I'm gonna eat my chicken and watch last night's The Walking Dead.

Thanks for being there when I needed it. Day 1- down!

sugarbear1

Maybe think of this as breaking up with a best friend...Alcohol was a friend, but it let you down, you are mourning it's loss now....write a goodbye letter to it, take a bubble bath, breathe slowly and deeply....this feeling, these feelings, this will pass soon!

Soberwolf

It does get better a lot better I give you my word on that

Dee74

Every time I got through a bad day sober, my skill level and my emotional capacity grew a little...

I'm not sure so much that things get better - there are still hard days & I think you'll have your share of those too...

but *I * got better - and that really makes a startling difference

D

Carver

Sometimes just getting a naughty big fat greasy burger will satisfy the craving. It's not particularly good for you, but it beats drinking

melki

Well done on coming here first, remembering HALT, and making it through the cravings!

Could you put the kids to bed and then go out or reschedule for another night? It's important to have time for yourself and things to look forward to.

Good luck on the homework and getting your daughter in the right frame of mind. Establish a routine early, you have years of this ahead! When you see she's not ready to focus, set a timer for several minutes to get the silies out, but then the deal is she has to try her best.

FearlessChase

I totally relate to the grouchiness...I was gritting my teeth helping my son with a book report, and he was actually cooperating for once!

JD

How did you do last night BellJar? Did you make it?

Missy7

Congratulations on day one! I'm on day six this morning and I'm starting to feel better. You'll get there. I appreciate your concern about your kids--I rarely left mine. What if your sober girlfriends came over after the kids are in bed and you watched romantic comedies?

Is your husband supportive?

Carver

By the way, my daughter does the same thing with her homework. Infuriating, especially when I know she's extremely intelligent and capable.

BellJar7

Thanks for asking jd, and yes I did. I didn't sleep well, but I survived, sans alcohol.

Survived tonight too, but I'm getting sick. My husband came home a couple of days ago with all the symptoms of something that looked like strep or the flu, and today my throat was getting more and more sore, and by 6 pm this evening, I had a cough and body aches. Luckily, that makes me want absolutely NO alcohol. Although I did enjoy a Theraflu tea drink.

Wine when I'm sick is miserable, so maybe it's a blessing that I've got this virus or whatever it is.

Still here. Still fighting it!

BellJar

Soberwolf

Get well soon Belljar