Dealing with Feelings
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 5
Dealing with Feelings
So after 10 years of daily drinking, im at day 5 and have had time to think with a clear head when running or being awake at night. I've kind of come up with a few thoughts so thought i'd get them down here and see what others think
I've been trying to think about why i drink , im married, have a house, 2 kids a decent job, im not drinking to forget anything or because of abuse or anything horrific like that. i think i drink because i'm scared of feeling anything, when i think it about more
- I drink when im happy
- I drink when i'm sad
- I drink when im anxious
- I drink when im bored
- I drink when im depressed
- I drink when im angry
- I drink when i feel love
These are normal human emotions but i just blot them out, go numb and suppress them and get through life in an automatic way. I dont know why. Am I scared to deal with them? All i know is when i drink they go away and i'm happy being numb to it all. I never think about anything like this as i'm inebriated and just watching crap TV or some other meaningless task
I'm starting to think its like 2 sides of a weighing scale. If i stop drinking will my ability to feel and properly deal with those feelings balance out or if i don't learn how to properly deal with these thing will my drinking just start again?
Apologies as im probably rambling a bit here but does anyone kind of follow what im saying? So far i've been fine but reading stories of relapses its seems there are a lot of trigger events that requires a level of feeling that drive folks back to the bottle
Am i making sense ? I kind of feel that just not drinking will only get me so far, i have to reconnect with people and things and my environment and deal with stuff
I've been trying to think about why i drink , im married, have a house, 2 kids a decent job, im not drinking to forget anything or because of abuse or anything horrific like that. i think i drink because i'm scared of feeling anything, when i think it about more
- I drink when im happy
- I drink when i'm sad
- I drink when im anxious
- I drink when im bored
- I drink when im depressed
- I drink when im angry
- I drink when i feel love
These are normal human emotions but i just blot them out, go numb and suppress them and get through life in an automatic way. I dont know why. Am I scared to deal with them? All i know is when i drink they go away and i'm happy being numb to it all. I never think about anything like this as i'm inebriated and just watching crap TV or some other meaningless task
I'm starting to think its like 2 sides of a weighing scale. If i stop drinking will my ability to feel and properly deal with those feelings balance out or if i don't learn how to properly deal with these thing will my drinking just start again?
Apologies as im probably rambling a bit here but does anyone kind of follow what im saying? So far i've been fine but reading stories of relapses its seems there are a lot of trigger events that requires a level of feeling that drive folks back to the bottle
Am i making sense ? I kind of feel that just not drinking will only get me so far, i have to reconnect with people and things and my environment and deal with stuff
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Yep. Makes complete sense. That's why out of the 12 Steps of recovery in AA only the first one even mentions alcohol. All the others are about learning to deal with all that other stuff.
I'd highly recommend reading Living Sober. It talks about a lot of these things - I'm always amazed how so much is fit into such a slim little book.
You can get it via the AA website, or from Amazon (cheap as chips).
I'd highly recommend reading Living Sober. It talks about a lot of these things - I'm always amazed how so much is fit into such a slim little book.
You can get it via the AA website, or from Amazon (cheap as chips).
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
I needed to connect with a professional counselor during early sobriety as I struggled even identifying the feelings I was having; it really helped! I think dealing with feelings is one of the tough things about early sobriety....but I have found it is one of the greatest gifts I have acquired in my sobriety. Stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Maryland
Posts: 321
I'm having trouble with that also, but working through them. Feelings are new to me....well, not the initial feelings. I'd get them but I'd have a drink to "deal" with them, any emotion I had deserved a drink. You ask if you are scared of them. I don't know, but for me, I don't really believe I was scared....I just drank from my late teens on. It's how I dealt with everything in my life. They just seem scary now because I've never allowed myself to totally feel them.
I think a counselor is a good idea, not just for you, but me too! All we can do for now is know that drinking isn't going to help with any of them. It might bury them temporarily for that one night, but they all come back 10 fold, then we have to drink again to shut them down. I know I tried that for many, many years and that didn't work either. Emotions and feelings that I just blew off with a drink back then, I now I have to handle very deliberately. If I try to ignore them sober, they hang out and fester, build up to the point I want to burst. It's a very new experience for me. TBH, for the first time, I feel alive! I'm now learning where to put these feelings I get and in time, I have faith that it will all work itself out.
So for now (being sober since Aug 10th), they come in and I'm a bit confused with what to do with them. It takes me much longer to work through them and figure out what I'm supposed to do with them. But......I'm willing to do it this way for now and not pick up that drink.
CONGRATS ON DAY 5!
I think a counselor is a good idea, not just for you, but me too! All we can do for now is know that drinking isn't going to help with any of them. It might bury them temporarily for that one night, but they all come back 10 fold, then we have to drink again to shut them down. I know I tried that for many, many years and that didn't work either. Emotions and feelings that I just blew off with a drink back then, I now I have to handle very deliberately. If I try to ignore them sober, they hang out and fester, build up to the point I want to burst. It's a very new experience for me. TBH, for the first time, I feel alive! I'm now learning where to put these feelings I get and in time, I have faith that it will all work itself out.
So for now (being sober since Aug 10th), they come in and I'm a bit confused with what to do with them. It takes me much longer to work through them and figure out what I'm supposed to do with them. But......I'm willing to do it this way for now and not pick up that drink.
CONGRATS ON DAY 5!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,636
Congrats on day 5
Yes, I think you've uncovered a key nuance between sobriety and recovery .
I drank for so long that the only way I knew how to cope with anything was alcohol!
Yes - I had to learn new tools and behaviors.
Yes - my emotions evened out w/o the alcohol as well.
Sounds like you're off to a strong start.
Yes, I think you've uncovered a key nuance between sobriety and recovery .
I drank for so long that the only way I knew how to cope with anything was alcohol!
Yes - I had to learn new tools and behaviors.
Yes - my emotions evened out w/o the alcohol as well.
Sounds like you're off to a strong start.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: canada
Posts: 748
Recovery is like a long road trip, and quitting drinking is putting the key in the ignition and starting the car. The real work is getting out on the road and navigating to your destination, and it's clear from your insightful post that you have the map out and are thinking about how to get where you want to go.
To show that kind of insight on Day 5 is a gift, and your post fills me with so much hope for you. You are pointed in the right direction, and if you keep going down this path you are going to be on the best journey of your life time.
To show that kind of insight on Day 5 is a gift, and your post fills me with so much hope for you. You are pointed in the right direction, and if you keep going down this path you are going to be on the best journey of your life time.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 7
Yes, absolutely, you nailed why I drink as well - I am happiest feeling nothing. And yes, as I get more sober and have more feelings I can tell you they are scary things.
I am going to be working with a therapist on how all of this started. I did not come from a great parenting framework, and I had access to drink alcohol by two parents who were alcoholics and drug abusers.
I am also learning that it is the alcohol withdrawal that was giving me a lot of anxiety. If I drank I could get rid of it. I did not know it would not have been there had I not been addicted.
You said you are married. Is your spouse supportive and can help you? I have been dealing with the being awake thing at night, and it is not a lot of fun. My husband and I are going to separate so he is no help (nor ever has been in terms of keeping me company at night). I have been thinking of finding online chat rooms late at night when I am struggling with other people who are lonely and are not drinking).
I am going to be working with a therapist on how all of this started. I did not come from a great parenting framework, and I had access to drink alcohol by two parents who were alcoholics and drug abusers.
I am also learning that it is the alcohol withdrawal that was giving me a lot of anxiety. If I drank I could get rid of it. I did not know it would not have been there had I not been addicted.
You said you are married. Is your spouse supportive and can help you? I have been dealing with the being awake thing at night, and it is not a lot of fun. My husband and I are going to separate so he is no help (nor ever has been in terms of keeping me company at night). I have been thinking of finding online chat rooms late at night when I am struggling with other people who are lonely and are not drinking).
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Cleveland
Posts: 320
Yeah, the feelings are definitely a bigger deal when you are sober. I feel my head is going to blow off sometimes or I am going to have a stress heart attack. Part of this is just withdrawal from alcohol. My anxiety only recently improved and I stopped drinking three months ago and I still have random spikes. Therapists are great place to talk about all these feelings. I go once a week right now. I probably could cut back even at this point, but it helps when you get these mood swings.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
I never knew why I drank either, MLT. It started out as fun & a relief from shyness mostly. Over the 30 years I drank, I rarely faced anything without getting a bit numb. It was really difficult to adjust to life without my buffer.
At 5 days it's all still very new for you - I think you're doing great. It took me a few months to begin to feel comfortable and content with my 'new normal'. I've been sober for years now - and drinking rarely crosses my mind. I never thought that could happen.
Glad you are here with us.
At 5 days it's all still very new for you - I think you're doing great. It took me a few months to begin to feel comfortable and content with my 'new normal'. I've been sober for years now - and drinking rarely crosses my mind. I never thought that could happen.
Glad you are here with us.
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