FreeOwl

Yep

OnMyWay7

Hi there and welcome to the boards. The first time I was here I stopped for a few months and then went back and tried to "moderate" - maybe only past 6 at night, maybe only 3 one night, maybe just one little vodka bottle etc. The problem is I could never stick to it for real and it was always a struggle. Then I just gave up and drank for another few years until I realized I had no life except to drink. Yes I had kids and went on holiday and have a job but mostly I lived to drink at night - waited for the kids to go to bed so I could sit and drink and watch tv. Now - that sounds boring but it didn't feel like it at the time. Anyway I'm rambling -

Basically if you can't stop drinking for a week yes you're an alcoholic. Yes this sucks, yes you can never drink again etc etc. But I will say that you get other things back - mostly your life - you're real one. Sometimes the real one needs some work and we need some work to be happy (I'm still trying to get there) but I do have to say I feel much better not having to figure out how I'm going to get alcohol for the night/week/on a business trip etc.

I feel for you - those first few steps are so hard and you so want to say - maybe I'm not an "alcoholic" but just have a drinking problem. I remember that - so my heart goes out to you as you start this journey and please keep in touch the people here are very supportive - we've all been there.

secretchord

Okay so I would like to get through this weekend without drinking. Small goals, right? My next question is What happens when I get the anxiety and the cravings? I kind of want to have a plan to get through the cravings. Is it okay to take prescription Valium? I know I can't ask for medical advice but it would help me get through the anxiety. And I don't feel any addiction to Valium. I rarely take it.

JD

Umm, I guess you just admitted you're and alcoholic. If you weren't you wouldn't have to worry about anxiety and cravings.

Berrybean

Anxiety and cravings won't hurt you - you can learn to recognise that. They're just thoughts and feelings. One of the biggest lessons I've learnt is that just because a thought of feeling is there (in my head) it doesn't mean I HAVE to respond to it. I can acknowledge it, think about it, and decide that one isn't for me. I don't have to jump on every train that pulls into the station.

What have you got Valium for? If it was given to you for anything other than to get through cravings and anxiety I'd say that it's a bad idea. If you want something to help with those things you're best to get to the doctor and discuss it. You may not have felt the need to use it addictively before (when you had alcohol) but using a potentially addictive drug to allieviate the symptoms of not taking a different addictive drug (alcohol) seems a bit of a risk to me.

If you want to learn how to cope with anxiety I'd highly recommend AA. Urge surfing is used by many for cravings.
At the end of the day, there may well be some short term discomfort, but if you're willing and open about working on your recovery then you will soon see some long term changes for the better.

Meraviglioso

This is a great post. I also drank to relieve stress. Yet when I remain sober for any length of time it is amazing how un-stressed and easier my life becomes. the depression and insecurity are gone too.

Meraviglioso

Welcome to SR secretchord, I think you have recognized that you have a problem, whatever you want to call it.
I can totally relate to the feelings of sadness at the thought of not drinking ever again. I was a big one to "romanticize the drink" and really could not comprehend how I would get through life without wine. My drinking career is coming to and end now. I still have struggles and slip from time to time but I am mostly alcohol free with the goal of never drinking again. I can assure you, life is so much better without the stress, anxiety and worry over drinking (how,when,how much, will hubby notice, will the kids notice).

I would think about a romantic dinner on the beach with my boyfriend, sipping wine and gazing into one another's eyes as the warm feeling of the wine washed over us. The reality was me gulping down my half of the bottle and then absolutely panicking about getting more- should I just order another bottle right in front of him? will he be annoyed? I can go to the bathroom and then stop at the bar and get a glass- then proceeding to get completely drunk and slurry, unable to keep eye contact and unable to concentrate on talking.
Without alcohol I am able to enjoy a wonderful dinner with my boyfriend and truly enjoy his company, the meal, the surroundings. I can make eye contact and keep the conversation going. I can be witty, charming, sexy and loving.

Sure, there are moments where I get a little pang of sadness that I can't "enjoy" a glass of wine, but they do pass. It absolutely is possible to do anything without alcohol. Even karaoke!

lastly I will tell you that I am one thousand times of a better mother sober. Your child does care and does notice. I also thought I was holding it together. Working, getting the kids to school, up early to cook a hot breakfast, taking them to activities, well dressed, well fed, etc etc. There is no comparison. I am so much better at handling all the logistics as well as the emotional and psychological part of parenting. I am more patient, kind and engaged. I have noticed a huge difference in my kids as a result.

OnMyWay7

I didn't read everything but I can tell you I went down this nasty road. Started using Xanax and ended up hocked on that and had to go through withdrawals. Would have much rather have only had to kick one habit. Your mind will try to fill something else into that gap so you don't have to deal/feel. I agree with the poster who said just learn to acknowledge the craving for what it is - a craving. They do pass - I swear they do. And at first you might think about drinking all the time - that goes away as well.

Take it minute by minute this first weekend.

secretchord

Thank you everyone for your responses and understanding. I don't know if I have an alcohol problem. All I know is that I want to prove to myself that I can stop. It scares me that I can picture myself without a lot of things in my life, but wine isn't one of those things. I really cannot imagine going my whole life without drinking, and that very thought scares me. But I'm justifying that thought by saying that there are a lot of people out there that don't have problems that feel that way. I'm rationalizing by saying, "Hey so-and-so can drink a half of bottle of wine every night and she's not an alcoholic."

I don't know if I have a problem with alcohol. Maybe I'll never know. But I know I want control over this. And I am going to commit to staying sober for now. I'm scared of what that means socially for me and even mentally. I have this fear that the weekend is going to come and it's going to be either: (1) popping the bottle; or (2) extreme boredom and anxiety.

So much of my life right now revolves around alcohol. I work with alcoholics, recovered and not recovered. The legal field is filled with them. The business is stressful and I can see why there is this problem. Then I have my friends that invite me to parties and invite me out to sing. In fact, this weekend I've gotten two invites so far. My neighbors are winos. There is a winery down the road and a vineyard even further up the road. She makes the most amazing wine EVER. She named one of her wines after me. I don't know what to say to her when she invites me over. I don't know how I can even be her friend without drinking.

Sorry. Just rambling.

Berrybean

You're letting stuff that you can't do anything about right now occupy a lot of head space right now. One thing that will help anxiety is learning to recognise when this is happening and get back into the moment for 5 minutes or so.
This is what I do, if you want to try this. I take meself somewhere peaceful, and where I can be fairly comfortable (and safe!). I try to breathe in through mt nose and out of my mouth,When thoughts about the past or the future pop up, I just take a deep breath and slowly and gently blow them away, and try to stay focussed on things that I can see, hear, smell, taste or touch right at that moment.

Obviously, different things work for different people though

secretchord

Thanks. I'm trying.

secretchord

It is prescribed to me. I have a panic disorder/anxiety. I very rarely take it. In fact, I always have extra when it comes time to get a refill so I trade the pills in for my new prescription.

teatreeoil007

This is an IMPORTANT question and probably the subject of much debate.

A bit about my history with alcohol: Raised by AF and RAF father and strong family history of A on both sides. I did not drink at ALL during my teens years, partied an average amount in college and then starting at age 24 pretty much gave up drinking all together except for occasional few drinks. Didn't think about it, crave it or anything.

But starting in my late '40's going through mid life hit me in a way I never imagined, hormonal changes, increased insomnia, resulting depression, coping with stress, etc...I started drinking a little at first once or twice a month, and it slowly progressed from there. The thought of calling myself an "alcoholic" never occured to me...but the drinking gradually progressed...I could definitely go a week without and no withdrawls and haven't ever really experience physical withdrawls...BUT, I found that I wanted and needed to stop drinking before it progressed any further! And then, I was a bit surprised at how psychologically it was harder to give it up than I thought it would be. So, was I 'dependent' on it? I guess I sort of was...(psychologically)...so in my mind if you depend on something that is akin to being addicted to it (?)

I don't know that alcoholism can be defined by how many drinks a person has because that varies so highly. If it is interfering with your life, relationships, health, etc, it's a problem.

Anyways-it is worth to recognize when it's a problem...either you know it's a problem or people in your life have told you it's a problem. For me it was both.

Don't know if this answers your question or not.

blueberry2015

The fact you are thinking your not sure you can live with out alcohol and want to try and control it, suggests you may have a problem on your hands. Look at this way; normal drinkers wouldn't even think about it, they may go for months without drinking and then enjoy a couple of glasses of wine think nothing of it, they neither feel the need to control their drinking. Sorry if I sound a bit matter of fact, but I hope this helps you to evaluate your own drinking, only you can decide whether you have a problem or not.

Zebra1275

I've been reading this thread, and I have to be blunt.

You have a drinking problem.

Despite never having met you I can say that with a high degree of confidence because I see some of the crap I used to think in your posts. That was back when I had a serious case of denial.

It really doesn't matter if you call yourself an alcoholic, or not. Then only time I refer to myself as an alcoholic is when I go to an AA meeting. It's just semantics.

If alcohol causing problems in your life and you can't quit for a week, then you've joined the right website.

bradly22

The term "alcoholic" is really a self diagnosis.