New to online groups
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 13
New to online groups
Well..I am new to this type of thing. I've been in 12 step group for past 3 years and keep relapsing and going back. I feel like such a failure and am hurting and disappointing those who love me. I hate drinking...It's no fun but I am impulsive and always chase what it use to be like. I am having a hard time accepting where I have put myself. I know it's ego but it sucks. I'm so out of balance. I know I have to carry on and put one foot in front of the other. Every time I relapse it takes more for me to believe I can have long term sobriety. No more pity...what's done is done. 2 days sober. The journey begins again.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Congratulations on your 2 days sober, kathryn. 
That's wonderful.
I know exactly what you mean about trying to recreate the early days of our drinking, when it was still fun & not unmanageable. That way of thinking caused me to keep trying to control my alcoholism for many years. I'm so glad you've made the important decision to get free of it.
That's wonderful.I know exactly what you mean about trying to recreate the early days of our drinking, when it was still fun & not unmanageable. That way of thinking caused me to keep trying to control my alcoholism for many years. I'm so glad you've made the important decision to get free of it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: North Ga
Posts: 251
You wouldn't be here if you didn't need to be. This place has really helped me in the very short time I've been signed in. I've spent hours in the last several days reading and posting and I can tell you- everyone's story is a little different, some deeper than others- but there isn't a person here who cannot relate to your struggles with the bottle. Struggling with addiction is like running around playing a big game of tag- this is a safe base to come to.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: SE Arizona
Posts: 1,099
Congratulations on your two days of victory. Every sober day that goes by makes the next one easier. You are in the toughestpart of the struggle right now; it will get easier as time goes by. Hang in there, we are all rooting for you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Welcome to the family, and congratulations on 2 days!!
This was the first forum I'd ever been on. I lurked for several months, finally joined.
Alcohol was not my problem, crack was, but I found that all of us go through similar things, like chasing what it felt like at first.
I read, a lot, when I got here. It helped me to realize I was not alone, and you aren't either.
If it weren't for the great people here, I would not be going on 9 years clean, so please keep reading and posting.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
This was the first forum I'd ever been on. I lurked for several months, finally joined.
Alcohol was not my problem, crack was, but I found that all of us go through similar things, like chasing what it felt like at first.
I read, a lot, when I got here. It helped me to realize I was not alone, and you aren't either.
If it weren't for the great people here, I would not be going on 9 years clean, so please keep reading and posting.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Nevada
Posts: 157
Kids you sound like I used to be. Try stepping out of your comfort zone sometimes. Church, movies, shows etc. it can't hurt to try, but you really have to want it. It sucks for a while emotionally, but so much better when it hits you. The best of luck to you and you have my support....
TC
TC
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 13
3 days sober
Sad but sober. I need to restart my day. Lost little bit of trust I gained back. Want and need to do this for long haul. It's hard emotionally now but I did this to me. It will get better. I screwed up...time to do what's right. Anything that is hard in life is worth more. I want this!!! Can't focus on what I did only what I am doing now.
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
Hey, kathryn, 3 days is a great start. You'll find you'll go thru many emotions as you go thru this. Sad is one of them. You'll also have good ones so hang in there. You're doing great!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 13
Hanging in there. Until I joined this I never new it existed. Reading others feelings in early recovery helps me not feel so alone. I deal with that bad voice that says have a drink just check out but it never turns out well
One drink leads to being completely out of control and only thinking about me and how I am going to get next drink. I feel like such a loser. My kids don't trust or respect me and neither does my boyfriend. My ex husband still drinks but can function. I get blot and insane. I feel angry with me and I want time sober and I want it now. I'm like a spoiled child. Patience and sober time will take care of out problems. I can't believe I let things get soo ooh bad. I'm lucky to have the support I have because I've relapsed so much. I'm very scared. My boyfriend has been sober 3 years and is about done with me. I need to do this for me but I am so disgusted with me. Some moments I think yes I can do this and others I just want to run and hide. I'm so ashamed. I need to forgive myself and accept where I am at but I don't know how. I guess that takes time doing what's right. I need to quit comparing myself to others or to where I use to be. Even though I've relapsed...I'm much better than where I was six months ago. I can't discount small victories. My tendency is saying to myself that is what I'm supposed to be doing instead of saying good job. My negative tape recorder in my head always gets me in trouble because then it makes it easier to say screw it. If I don't drink I can get me back. Time passes...If sober I can at least have some self respect and not have all this guilt and shame.
One drink leads to being completely out of control and only thinking about me and how I am going to get next drink. I feel like such a loser. My kids don't trust or respect me and neither does my boyfriend. My ex husband still drinks but can function. I get blot and insane. I feel angry with me and I want time sober and I want it now. I'm like a spoiled child. Patience and sober time will take care of out problems. I can't believe I let things get soo ooh bad. I'm lucky to have the support I have because I've relapsed so much. I'm very scared. My boyfriend has been sober 3 years and is about done with me. I need to do this for me but I am so disgusted with me. Some moments I think yes I can do this and others I just want to run and hide. I'm so ashamed. I need to forgive myself and accept where I am at but I don't know how. I guess that takes time doing what's right. I need to quit comparing myself to others or to where I use to be. Even though I've relapsed...I'm much better than where I was six months ago. I can't discount small victories. My tendency is saying to myself that is what I'm supposed to be doing instead of saying good job. My negative tape recorder in my head always gets me in trouble because then it makes it easier to say screw it. If I don't drink I can get me back. Time passes...If sober I can at least have some self respect and not have all this guilt and shame.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 13
Thanks everyone for all your support. I need it! Feeling pretty good on day 5. Just going to relax tonight and enjoy being able to sleep well through the night. It's nice to get a good night's sleep and wake up feeling good.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 13
Lack of motivation
Hey guys! Been reading a lot of posts and they have been really helpful. On day 14. My motivation for doing activities is low. Going to work is an effort. I feel really tired and lazy. Is this normal? I mean I really don't like job...it's a job but compared what I use to do it is entry level or lower and doesn't pay much. I keep telling myself it's what I need right now in recovery but I have called in and slept most of the day. In fairness I've had a cold/cough but I just don't have any drive. Little tasks feel like big ones. Is this normal? Sometimes I think will I ever be able to function as high as I use to and because of relapse calling in and sick calling in my simple job is not so secure. I feel better when I get stuff done but just lack mojo.
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